INCOMING CALL: Rachel Berry. 3 page

Chapter 8.

Colton and Sebastian had been hanging out a lot. Kurt had seen them in the building sometimes and he wasn't sure what kind of plan they were concocting, but he could see it in their eyes that there was definitely something going on. He ignored it for a couple of weeks, until one afternoon when he ended up riding the elevator with Sebastian.

Kurt groaned when the door opened and Sebastian walked in just behind him. He had considered taking the stairs, but he was holding a box, supplies he needed for planning his dad's wedding. Kurt stepped inside and the doors closed and Sebastian was grinning at him.

"Where's Blaine today? Gee, I hope you guys aren't having trouble," Sebastian said, turning to look at Kurt.

"We're fine, thank you," Kurt said, teeth gritted. "Your badly dressed side kick isn't with you today, I see."

Sebastian laughed. "Got bored with him," he told Kurt. "I might not be willing to sell my body for a pair of designer jeans like you would, Hummel, but I have more respect for myself than to be seen with someone who dresses like Colin."

"Colton," Kurt corrected. Sebastian had been hanging out with Colton for two weeks, yet somehow, he still hadn't learnt his name, which only meant one thing. "He had nothing to contribute to operation 'get into Blaine's pants'?" Kurt offered. Sebastian smirked and Kurt knew he was right. "Why don't you just give up? Seriously, Sebastian, wouldn't it make you much happier to just go out and find a boyfriend of your own? Someone who you can share a mutual love with?"

The elevator stopped on Sebastian's floor and he stood in the doors so that they couldn't close. "Do you ever wonder about that?"

"About..?"

"The mutual love thing," Sebastian clarified. "Do you think he loves you? Or do you think he's settling for you, because that's all he's ever known? Because let's face it, he went from sleeping with girls to sleeping with you. You were nice to him, offered him a helping hand. Some might mistake that for love. Just something you might want to consider."

Sebastian flashed him a smile, then took a step backwards and the doors closed. The elevator started going up again, while Kurt's heart seemed to fall down somewhere around his ankles.

Blaine was flicking through one of Kurt's magazines in bed that night, while Kurt leaned against his side, blue eyes on the TV set. Blaine loved when they spent time doing stupid things like that. It made his insides sing, because he imagined doing these things together for the rest of their lives, silly, little things that didn't really matter, not in reality, but they would mean something to them.

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt asked, after a while, as he switched the television set off. He sat up and shifted his body to face Blaine. Blaine closed the magazine and laid it down on the side table, then looked at Kurt.

"Anything in the world," he told him with a smile. Kurt looked like he was struggling internally. His cerulean blue eyes were wide and filled with worry. He was chewing gently on his bottom lip and Blaine felt his heart stilling for a second. "Kurt, what is it?"

"Remember a little while ago, I asked you if you were curious about what it might be like to be with another guy?"

Blaine's heart sank. Did Kurt want to be with another guy? He felt dizzy. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. They were real, solid, meant to be. Blaine gave him a slow nod, frightened of what the reply might be.

"Do.. Do you think you.. Are you? Curious about that?"

"No," Blaine answered without hesitation.

"Not even a little bit?" Kurt enquired, still looking nervous, which made Blaine nervous, too.

He took a few breaths then said, "Kurt, is there something you want to say? Because I would rather just hear it, instead of beating around the bush."

He was scared of what the answer was going to be, but he had to know, because at least if he knew, he could go about fixing it, showing Kurt that he loved him more than words could tell.

"I was just thinking about us," Kurt told him, solemnly. "I was thinking about how I'm the first guy you ever.. Blaine, I know you love me. Don't think I don't know or believe that. I know you do, but I can't help wondering if.. Well, if there's someone out there that you're supposed to love instead."

Blaine blinked at him, his body flooding with relief, but there was still a weight there, because of what Kurt was suggesting here. "Didn't I just say a couple of weeks ago that I want to marry you some day?"

"No," Kurt said, quickly, blue eyes wider. "No, God, no, I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't mean that! No, I know you did. I know. I just.. How do I put this..?" Blaine waited. Kurt looked down, like he was trying to work out the best way to address this issue, whatever it was. He looked up to meet Blaine's eyes a few heartbeats later. "I want you to be sure that you're happy with me. I don't want you to feel as if you have to be with me, out of habit, or whatever. Just.. I know you love me, I know all that, I just need you to be sure you want this. I just need..reassurance, I guess."

Blaine nodded, but stayed silent. He waited a few seconds, then said, "You know I think you're the most amazing human being alive, don't you?" Kurt looked down. "Hey," Blaine said, tilting his chin back up. "What's going on? Where has all this come from?"

"I bumped into Sebastian in the elevator today," Kurt told him, quietly.

Blaine nodded, suddenly understanding. You think you're in love with him because he helped you out with a few things, Sebastian had told Blaine. He had obviously said the same to Kurt. Blaine felt angry. First, he was going to assure Kurt that Sebastian was completely and utterly wrong, then he was going to punch Sebastian, because screw not being violent.

Blaine sat up straight, then reached across and took Kurt's hand. "Okay," he said. "Listen to me. He is trying to get to us. We know this is real. If we just brush the insecurities and moments of doubt out of the way, we can see that. I love you," he told Kurt with a nod. "Nothing to do with how you were there for me when I needed you, that's not what this is built on, okay? It's so much more than that. I don't care what he, or anyone else has to say, I love you, you love me, we love each other and screw them if they want to think otherwise."

Kurt nodded, very slowly. Blaine wondered if he needed more convincing. He sighed and tried to calm himself down, because it was really making him mad, that other people thought that they could do things to tear them apart.

"Kurt, this is ridiculous," he said, tiredly. "Maybe we should move. Then we'd only have to see them at school."

Kurt looked up at that. "Really?"

Blaine shrugged. He wasn't sure they should waste money like that when he had no idea how long he was going to continue to even have money at all. On the other hand, he was growing tired of Sebastian and Colton. "What do you think?" he asked Kurt.

"I don't know," he said. "Do you want to?"

"Maybe we could do it when your dad's wedding is over. We could get somewhere nice, somewhere classier."

"What about Rachel and Finn?" Kurt asked.

"Do we have to take them everywhere we go?"

"Of course not," Kurt smiled and it sent relief all through Blaine's body, to see him smiling like that. "No, of course not. I guess you're right. We can't have them living upstairs forever."

"Not unless we buy a house and lock them in the attic, no," Blaine teased and Kurt laughed. "We'll look around, okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Sounds fun."

"It will be and we'll take Santana along, of course," Blaine smiled.

"Of course," Kurt agreed.

Blaine leaned across and kissed him gently. "Look, don't beat yourself up about something for an entire day ever again," he told Kurt. "Just tell me and I can put your mind at ease. This is forever. Sebastian is an idiot. Colton is obviously not right in the head. We don't need to worry about anything they say or do. We'll get away from it all. We'll get started on forever. This is it for me."

"For me, too," Kurt informed him.

"Alright," Blaine beamed. "Anything else worrying you?"

Kurt smiled. "Nope."

"Okay, then," Blaine said, lying back.

Kurt switched off the light and lay down, too. "I'm sorry I asked you that, it was dumb," Kurt whispered in the dark.

Blaine inched towards Kurt's warmth and settled next to him. "Don't be," he said. "It's not dumb if it's worrying you. I don't care how crazy you think it is, you need to tell me when you're worried. I'll always put your mind at ease and I'll always tell you the absolute truth. I promise."

This time, Kurt kissed Blaine. His lips lingered on Blaine's for a long time, then he pulled back and said. "I love you."

"I love you more."

Kurt sighed, happily and Blaine grabbed his hand. "No more worrying, right?"

"No more worrying," Kurt assured him.

Kurt didn't stop worrying and it was getting to Blaine. He wanted to shake him and make him realise that nothing was going to make him leave him. Kurt insisted that nothing was bothering him, but he was acting a little removed and sometimes Blaine felt him watching him, like if he stared for long enough, he would be able to spot some kind of clue that pointed towards Blaine only believing he wanted to be with him. It made Blaine want to hurt Sebastian, but he knew that letting Sebastian know that Kurt was bothered by it, would make him think he had won.

"You know, normally, I'm fine with you just staring at me, it even flatters me that you would want to look at me for that long," Blaine told Kurt one afternoon. "But this is getting ridiculous. Can we fix this? Please?"

Kurt came and sat next to Blaine. He took a deep breath, raised his bright blue eyes to Blaine and said, "I think I want us to have a break."

Blaine's heart skipped a beat. "Excuse me?"

"Don't look at me like that," Kurt begged, heart stammering in his chest. "Blaine, look." He inched closer and reached out to place a hand over Blaine's, but Blaine flinched away and it hurt. Blaine hadn't ever rejected his touch. Kurt let out a broken breath. "Blaine, please."

"What is up with you and your insecurities lately? Ever since I've known you, you've acted as if you were better than everyone else and you are. You are. I don't understand what changed that, Kurt. Why would you let something Sebastian said get to you like that?"

Kurt shook his head. Blaine didn't understand and he guessed that was fair, because he hadn't properly explained himself. He had to try. He owed him that.

"I just need you to be sure."

"I am sure!" Blaine assured him. "God, I'm so sure. You're the only thing I'm sure about. If you want to break up, don't make out like it's about me, just come out with it and tell me you don't want this any more. I'll understand and I'll deal with it, but I'm not accepting a break up that you don't really want."

Kurt just looked down at his hands, because he wasn't sure what to say. Blaine had a point, but Kurt just couldn't help wondering if Blaine really knew what he wanted. Maybe it hadn't even been Sebastian who had put the idea in his head, maybe he had always wondered..

Blaine looked up at him, eyes sad. "Explain it to me," he said, calmer now. "I just.. I want to understand."

Kurt shut his eyes for a few moments, then opened them and looked up into Blaine's golden orbs. Blaine was watching him, looking like a kicked puppy. Kurt did it again, he reached across for Blaine's hand. This time, Blaine didn't move out of his grasp.

"I know you think you're sure," Kurt told him. "And I would never for a second doubt that you love me. I just need you to be sure about wanting this. I need you to be sure you couldn't love anyone else. I need that, Blaine. I'm doing this for both of us. It's not easy. It's really, really hard. I don't want you with anyone else, but I need you to make sure."

Blaine groaned, twisting his fingers in Kurt's. "What do you want me to do? Am I supposed to go out and try date someone else?" He didn't sound mad, just confused and maybe a little hurt.

It broke Kurt's heart to think of Blaine with anyone else, but part of him needed to know. He couldn't relax until he knew he wasn't keeping Blaine from being where he was supposed to be. It was confusing for Kurt, too. On one hand, he knew Blaine belonged with him and that he loved him, but he couldn't help wondering if Blaine only loved him because he hadn't been given the opportunity to try to love someone else. It gave Kurt a head ache to think about, but he couldn't rid it from his mind.

"I just want you to be happy," Kurt told him, weakly. "I don't want you figuring it out ten years down the line, if this isn't where you're supposed to be."

Blaine let his hand go, then and stood up. He looked distraught. "This isn't a break," Blaine told him. "This is me proving to you that this is where I belong, that you are where I belong. I'm not going to go out and sleep with every other guy in New York. I'm going to show you that without you, I'm nothing." He was silent for a second, then went on, "I'll sleep on the couch for as long as it takes."

"Blaine, you don't ha—"

"Yes," Blaine told him. "I do."

They spent several minutes just staring at one another. Kurt wanted to tell him to forget it, but he wanted so desperately to know, to be sure. He didn't say anything. Blaine took a small step forward and reached down. He pulled Kurt gently to his feet and said, "I love you, Kurt Hummel and I'll show you that I mean it." Then he was kissing him, slowly and Kurt almost gave in, almost fell forward and crushed himself to his boyfriend (his ex-boyfriend?), but before he could, Blaine pulled back and gave him a sad smile. "I love you," he told him again, then turned around and went into their bedroom

A few minutes later, he came outside with a pillow and a blanket. This time, Blaine didn't smile, not even sadly and it broke Kurt in two.

Kurt had never doubted that he belonged with Blaine, but without Blaine constantly by his side, he was miserable, which clarified what he already knew: That Blaine was the only one for him. Kurt hadn't gone a night since Blaine had arrived in New York without falling asleep next to him and waking up to him. Now, with Blaine sleeping on the couch, Kurt was lost. He felt sick to his stomach, reminded of the first few months he had spent in New York alone.

Kurt couldn't make it past the first night. He climbed out of bed at 2AM and opened the door, then walked across the room to the back of the sofa that Blaine was sleeping on.

"You awake?" he whispered, quietly.

There was a painful silence, then Blaine said, simply, "Yeah." Then, "You okay?"

Kurt sighed, as if to say 'no', and walked around to the front of the sofa. Blaine moved to a seated position and leaned across to switch on the lamp, so that they were no longer in darkness. Kurt sat down at the end, by Blaine's feet. He looked down at him, heart aching in his chest.

"I don't want to do this."

Blaine blinked at him. "We have to," he said, softly. "If we don't, you'll just worry forever."

"I don't want to sleep without you."

Blaine smiled, then frowned, like he hadn't meant to smile in the first place. He climbed down towards Kurt and sat next to him. "Look," he said. "This has been bothering you, don't think I can't see it. I want to put your mind at ease. It's just for a little while, just until you realise this is real, okay?"

Kurt nodded, slowly. What had he done?

"You can stay here with me if you want, just for tonight," Blaine offered. "I mean, it's probably breaking the rules of going on a 'break', but I can't look at you looking at me like that and send you back in there by yourself."

Kurt nodded. Blaine pushed Kurt gently until he was sideways on the sofa, then he slid in next to him. He switched the lamp back off, grabbed his pillow and put it down on the arm rest of the sofa behind their heads. He pulled the cover up over them, then tugged Kurt down to lie next to him. Blaine turned Kurt around so that he had his back to him, then he slipped his arms around his waist and pressed a cool kiss to the back of his neck.

"I love you, you know," Blaine whispered in the darkness.

"I know," Kurt told him. "I was stupid. Can we just put this behind us and—"

"Shh," Blaine said. "We'll put this behind us when we make sure we're both comfortable with us, okay? This 'break' thing starts tomorrow."

Kurt sighed. "Okay." He regretted having said anything to Blaine, because now Blaine seemed adamant to show him the truth. On the other hand, he knew he would just go back to worrying if they let it go. Either way, this was how it was and he hoped to God they would get through it.

"Don't worry," Blaine told him, as if reading his mind. "This will be over in no time."

"I love you," Kurt told him, quietly, shutting his eyes and easing back to relax into Blaine's embrace.

"I know."

"Hey, Blainers," Santana said, coming out of her room. Blaine was curled up on the sofa, by himself, phone in his hands, eyes squinted to look at the screen. "You're doing that again?"

Blaine gave her a shrug, hit send, then dropped his phone onto the sofa next to him. Santana pushed his feet up and sat down. She was frowning at him.

"This is getting freakin' ridiculous," she informed him. "Go in and make up with him, instead of texting him every God damned night that you love him. Seriously, this break is not a break. It's just you guys going celibate for some stupid reason."

Blaine sighed and felt his phone vibrating. He grabbed it and opened the message, even though he knew exactly what it said, because it said the same thing every night. It had been the same message every single night for the past two weeks.

1 NEW MESSAGE FROM: KURT.
Love you more, goodnight.

Santana grabbed his phone before he could read it. She rolled her eyes and threw the phone back to him. "Go the fuck in there, hobbit," she said. "I won't even care if you have loud, gay, make-up sex."

Blaine groaned, threw his head back and closed his eyes. He wished he was in there having loud, gay, make-up sex with Kurt. He would have even settled for simply holding his hand. He hated being without him. It was driving him crazy and he had no idea how much longer he would be able to take it. He hoped Kurt would figure it out soon.

They had spent the last two weeks only speaking to one another when absolutely necessary. Santana kept getting frustrated with them and Blaine couldn't really blame her, but they had to let this happen in order to make sure that they both knew where they stood and how things were going to be.

"When he says he loves you more," Santana said, slowly. "Is that true? Does he love you more than you love him?"

Blaine opened his eyes and looked at her. "No," he provided. "Saying we love each other more doesn't mean one of us loves the other more than they love us. It means that we love each other more than we did, say, yesterday."

He remembered the first time he had told Kurt he loved him more. Kurt had given him that look, the one that told him he was severely judging him.

"You believe that?" he had asked. "That you love me more than I love you?"

"No," Blaine had assured him. "I meant that I love you more every day, that I love you more now than I did the last time I told you I love you."

Kurt had laughed and said, "You're the cheesiest."

"I love you," Blaine had told him.

Blaine couldn't help smiling at Kurt's reply. "I love you more."

And then he had kissed him senseless.

Santana grimaced. "Holy crap," she said, bringing Blaine back to reality. "Please think about that and tell me why you are on a break to figure out if you want to be together."

Blaine only shrugged, because he really didn't know the answer.

He didn't want to go home. It made him miserable to watch Kurt walk through the door and then disappear inside the bedroom for the rest of the day. He also knew that if he had to look at him moping around the way he had been recently, he would give in and wrap him up in his arms, but Blaine didn't want to do that, because they needed to see this through.

He didn't go home after college. He went walking, wandering aimlessly. After a couple of hours of strolling around Central Park and then sitting on a bench, he got up (after deciding it was far too cold to just sit there, it was December after all) and decided to go shopping, for something in particular.

It didn't matter that Kurt didn't see the truth now, because he would, eventually, which meant that Blaine's money would not go to waste.

Kurt hated the atmosphere at home. He hated the way he and Blaine would look at one another at the same time and then look away quickly. He hated that Santana just talked all through dinner, while they answered her in monosyllables, never addressing one another directly. He hated that he had done this to them, that it was his fault, that his stupid insecurities and doubts had made this happen.

Most of all, he hated that he still wasn't sure yet.

Instead of going home after class, Kurt went to Starbucks and sat there by himself on one of the soft chairs, just thinking, trying to make himself realise that he was being ridiculous and that of course Blaine was sure of what he wanted. However, somewhere inside Kurt, he wasn't entirely convinced. He sighed and sipped his coffee, wondering what it was that he had done that had made him deserve this.

"You look a little lonely there, Hummel."

Kurt looked up and saw Sebastian grinning at him, a large coffee cup in his hand. "Don't even think about it," he said, as Sebastian began to sit down facing him. "I'd much rather be alone than have you sit near me."

Sebastian sat down anyway. Kurt was too tired to argue, so he simply sighed and looked the other way. "How's Blaine? Saw him in class today. He's still super hot and everything, but he's looking a little under the weather."

Kurt said nothing, but he felt guilty because it was his fault that Blaine looked like that.

Sebastian continued, "I heard him and the Latina Lesbian talking. Your little love nest isn't going as planned?"

Kurt glared at him. "We're on a break, actually."

He hadn't known why he had said that to Sebastian of all people, but he guessed he just needed to tell someone and Rachel was no help, because all she did was turn the conversation back around, so that it revolved around her.

Sebastian's green eyes flashed and he sat forward. "Oh, how tragic," he said, not sounding at all like he had just heard about a tragedy. "Is it because he punched Colin?"

"What? He—No. Of course not. Colton has nothing to do with this."

"I hope it wasn't anything I said," Sebastian smiled, sweetly.

"Why on earth would we ever listen to anything that comes out of your mouth, Sebastian?"

It hit Kurt then, that maybe Sebastian's words had triggered it and that maybe Colton might have played a part in it, too. All of these disruptions had scared Kurt, made him feel like their relationship was vulnerable, that it could be torn apart at any moment. It was like a door had snapped open in his mind. It was about Sebastian and him claiming he had slept with Blaine. It was about Colton, trying to pursue Kurt, trying to drive some sort of wedge between them. It was about Sebastian trying to convince him that everything he had ever believed in was a lie.

Kurt thought back to that first day, when Blaine had told him about the guy staring at him from across the hall. That had been the night Kurt had asked Blaine if he ever felt curious about what it might be like to be with other guys. Kurt understood now. He and Blaine had never been threatened by the possibility of other guys, because no other guys (besides Kenny and Karofsky, but they had never been contenders) had ever tried to steal one away from the other.

When Kurt thought about the fact that Colton had wanted to be with him, it made him realise that Blaine had nothing to worry about. It stood to reason that Kurt shouldn't have to worry about Sebastian, either, because just as Kurt didn't want anyone but Blaine, Blaine didn't want anyone but Kurt, either.

Kurt had known all along, he just needed to be sure and now he was. He knew. He wasn't sure exactly what had triggered it, or even how he knew, but all he wanted was to go back and tell Blaine it was over, that he refused to go another second apart from him.

Kurt stood up and looked down at Sebastian, who was saying something ridiculous.

"I've got to go," Kurt said over him, then turned around and walked outside, leaving his half full cup on the table.

It was time he put an end to this. He had to talk to Blaine.

__________

I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes,
I can breathe you in.

Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more,
Then I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.

Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin,
When the time comes,
Baby, don't run,
Just kiss me slowly.

Chapter 9:

"What do you mean he didn't come home?" Kurt demanded, feeling as if ice water was being poured down his back.

Santana shrugged. "He said he was going for a walk," she told him. "But that was, uh, let's see.. five hours ago?"

Kurt's eyes widened and his legs gave way. "Oh, God, Santana," he exhaled, falling down onto the sofa. "Do you think he's okay? What if something's happened to him? Oh, God. I'll never forgive myself if anything—"

"Hummel!" Santana said, shaking him a bit. He blinked up at her. "Shut up. He's a big boy—well, technically untrue, but you know what I mean. He can take care of himself. Chillax."

"How can I 'chillax' when my boyfriend is missing—"

"Okay," Santana said, sitting down. "You are such a freakin' drama queen. Anderson is not missing. He's out, which makes a change, since he's always in. Maybe it'll do him good."

Kurt groaned. His mind was working over time. Where in the world would Blaine have gone? He hadn't made a bunch of friends that he could turn to. He didn't really know anyone and like Santana said, he hardly ever went out unless it was absolutely necessary. Kurt wondered if maybe he had gone out with someone else, maybe just to prove that no one else was right for him.

"Stop that," Santana said.

Kurt looked at her, blankly. "Stop what?"

"Stop making up crazy scenarios in that gay head of yours," she said, rolling her dark eyes again. "Look," she took her cell out of her pocket. "I'll call him."

Kurt nodded quickly, wondering why he hadn't thought to do that first. His hands were shaking too badly anyway. He watched Santana, hoping against hope that Blaine would pick up, but the look on her face told him that it had gone straight to voicemail. Kurt found the strength to stand up.

"Where are you going?" Santana asked, as he headed for the door.

"To look for him."

She ran to him and grabbed his arm. "Hummel," she said, tiredly, pulling him round to face her. "Look, we don't have any idea where he is, so looking for him isn't really an option. Maybe we could ask people if they've seen him. You go upstairs and talk to Finn and Rachel and I'll go ask Smythe."

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 648