Getting Married and Having Children

The Family

There are many variations in family form. For example, in Navajo society married couples never live under the same roof. Wives live with other women (sisters, mother, grandmother, aunts) and children; husbands live in so-called ‘communal men’s house.’ In Trobriand Islands (the South Pacific) the brother must provide for her married sister, he also takes care of her sons, disciplines them and guide them into adulthood. In Massai of East Africa it is considered normal and proper for a man to ask permission to sleep with a good friend’s wife. To refuse sexual hospitality is considered rude.

Among the Betsileo of Madagascar, a man is allowed to have several wives. Each wife is housed in the village adjoining one of the rice fields that the man owns. Wealthier men have more rice fields and so can support more wives. The first and most senior wife, called the big wife, lives in the village next to the husband’s best most productive field. The husband lives mainly with this woman, but visits the others periodically as he oversees his other fields.

In the foothills of the western Himalayas, brothers share a wife. The oldest brother arranges the marriage, and his brothers become co-husbands, with all of them living together in a single household. Any children the wife bears call all the brothers “father.” The brothers are free as a group to marry additional women if they wish, in which case all the wives are shared by all the husbands.

To the Nayar of Kerala, India, it is natural for a woman’s brother to share in the raising of her children, instead of the children’s biological father. During adolescence, a Nayar girl is encouraged to have several lovers. If she becomes pregnant, one or more of these lovers acknowledges paternity and pays the costs of delivering the baby. Beyond this, however, none of the lovers had any obligations toward the girl or her child. The girl’s kin are responsible for caring for her and her baby. Property and privileged status are transmitted not from father to son, but from mother’s brother to nephew.

Every known society has families. There are several widespread types:

1. Monogamy (25% of the world’s societies). It means that the husband has only one wife.

2. Polygamy (75% of human societies). It is divided into polygyny (one husband and several wives) and polyandry (one wife and several husbands). Polygyny is practiced in the Muslim world, some Areas of Africa and Pacific Islands, and among some types of Mormons in the USA. It was widely accepted in ancient China and Israel. Despite its acceptance worldwide polygyny is rarely practiced today. Having many wives is rather expensive because the husband must support them financially.

Families can also be divided into extended and nuclear. The extended family consists of members of three or more generations related by blood or marriage. Members of such families usually have collectivistic mentality. Such families are widespread in India, Latin America or even some European countries (Italy). The second type is the nuclear family which is typical of American society. The nuclear family consists of mother, father and their children. Members of nuclear families usually have individualistic mentality. The nuclear family does not live with their older parents who are usually sent to old-age houses to spend their last years. The extended family takes care of their old members and does not sent them to old-age houses. In India and Latin America it is considered immoral to send old parents to old-age houses. Extended families can enjoy mutual help of their members. Nuclear families as a rule rely on themselves. In extended families older members are respected; they take decisions and regulate lives of their younger members. In India it is very typical of older members of such families to select wives or husbands for their younger members. Younger members of Indian extended families, even when they are married, must be obedient to their older members.

Some couples practice the so-called “open marriages” when they can have numerous sexual partners. Open marriages are popular with swingers. Swingers believe that the practice of having numerous sexual partners will keep their families stable. Sometimes, however, swingers fall in love with their new sexual partners whom they met at sex parties, divorce their spouses and start traditional monogamous families with their new partners.

Recently in America and Europe gay and lesbian marriages become more and more popular. They are usually arranged among well-educated people. It is more difficult to find a gay couple of two tractor-drivers in a village than a gay couple of two stage directors in a city. Some homosexual couples however may have a temporary character (in prison, in the army, etc). Under normal conditions such people usually start traditional families.

Sociologist Andersson found several ways in which homosexual unions differ from heterosexual unions:

• the average same-sex couple is older than the average heterosexual couple
• the average same-sex couple is more educated than the average heterosexual couple
• while divorce rates are higher for couples that marry younger generally, the divorce rate is slightly higher for same-sex couples than heterosexual couples
• female same-sex couples are more likely to divorce than are male same-sex couples

Andersson attributes the higher divorce rate to a combination of factors, including: less support from the community and less encouragement or pressure from family and friends to make the marriage last.

Getting Married and Having Children

Few societies consider love a basis for marriage. In most societies marriages are arranged by older relatives. People usually marry someone from their racial, social, or religious group. The tendency to marry someone who is like us (the same race, religion, social class, etc) is called endogamy. The practice to marry someone outside a group to which we belong is called exogamy.

Many young people have little preparation for their roles as mothers and fathers. With the birth of a child the woman suddenly finds herself confined to the house, too exhausted for social or other activities. New fathers complain of the decline in their sex lives, new economic pressures (loss of the wife’s income plus new expenses) and general disenchantment with the role of parent in the first months after a child’s birth.

The Second Child

Half of the women polled said that they had a second child because they enjoyed the first; one-fourth, because they wanted the first child to have company. Some mothers are not pleased with having two children. “Everything I do is interrupted by one or the other” – said one of such mothers. Nevertheless, very few women (less than 7 percent) regretted the decision to have a second child.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 913