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ASSORTED VOICES IN BACKGROUND

… Nick, Nick, Nick …

 

ANNIE

… Nick, Nick, Ni-ck …

 

NICK

Bah! Ah!

 

ANNIE

Nick, I am fed up!

I need a holiday!

We all need a holiday!

 

NICK

Yeah, I know what you mean!

I’m exhausted!

[Sound of Nick blowing his nose]

 

HECTOR [Presenting TV Travel Programme]

So – it is holiday time again and everyone is off to the airport.

 

NICK

Agh!

 

ANNIE

Oh, hello Hector.

 

HECTOR

They are travelling to Florida, Thailand, Egypt – and Belgium? Are you sure?!

And Belgium.

Travelling by plane, by train, and by car.

Well, maybe not by car!

This is Hector Romero, for Channel 9.

 

ANNIE

Oh!

Ooops! Ooh! Bridget will be furious!

 

NICK

[Laughing]

 

ANNIE

Still, maybe a new fashion!

 

BRIDGET

Yeah! Yes! Can he do the interview on Thursday?

No, well what about Friday? [Sound of telephone ringing] Oh, hang on.

Hello – she wants 22 dressing rooms?! Four for Lourdes and her nannies! But we’ve only got two!

Hello?

Oh, for goodness sake!

Huh! Who wants Madonna anyway?!

Hello, are you still there? [Sound of telephone ringing]

Hello, what?!

Oh, hello Eunice.

Yes, David Beckham is booked and so is Princess Caroline of Monaco. No, Madonna is not coming.

Yes, OK, Eunice, I will – ah-ah, I will, today. Bye Eunice.

What did your last slave die of?!

What I need, what I really need is a holiday.

 

Sound of assorted telephones ringing

 

BRIDGET

Oh-oh.

 

NICK

Go on, type New York.

 

ANNIE

Gatwick.

 

NICK

Number of nights, 3.

 

ANNIE

3.

OK, let’s see what they can do.

One thousand pounds?!

Oh, but that’s much too expensive – we, we must choose a different destination.

 

NICK

Yeah, how about Las Vegas, hah!

ANNIE

But that would cost even more, don’t be silly, Nick.

BRIDGET

What?

Is Nick being silly? I don’t believe it!

Oh, I’m so tired!

 

ANNIE

Oh Hector, I saw your holiday report.

 

HECTOR

Oh, I have just spent all day watching other people go on holidays.

 

BRIDGET

Oh, I can’t go on! Eunice is a witch.

She makes me work, work, work.

 

NICK

Why don’t you leave then?

 

HECTOR

Yeah.

 

BRIDGET

What? Leave my job?

I love my job!

 

NICK

Huh! Women!

 

ANNIE

What you need – what we all need is a …

 

NICK

Holiday!

 

BRIDGET

Mmm, a holiday!

 

HECTOR

Gre-at idea! Where shall we go?

 

NICK

Oh, I’d love to go to Las Vegas!

ANNIE

Cape Town!

 

BRIDGET

I’d like to go anywhere with Enrique Iglesias!

ANNIE

Hey!

What about Spain!



 

NICK

You speak Spanish!

You can be our guide! Hah!

 

HECTOR

We-ll …

 

BRIDGET

Enrique Iglesias speaks Spanish!

 

NICK

And the girls … Hmm! I can’t wait!

Hey Hector, you can translate my chat up lines!

 

HECTOR

Well, I’ll try!

 

NICK

And we can try them out! Ha ha!

 

HECTOR

Yeah!

ANNIE

Hector! There’s your ironing!

 

Laughter

 

ANNIE

Nick!

 

BRIDGET

There’s yours!

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

I’m exhausted. I need a holiday.

 

ANNIE

I need a holiday!

We all need a holiday!

 

HECTOR

Where shall we go?

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

And guess what?

We’re going to Spain.

ANNIE
I can’t wait!

 

NICK

Now’s the chance to try my chat up lines on Spanish girls. Ha, ha!

 

NICK

And the girls! Ha-ha-hmm, I can’t wait!

 

NICK

They won’t be able to resist me!

 

NICK

OK, I see a pretty Spanish girl …

 

HECTOR

… Hmm.

 

NICK

… How do I say, “I’m English, can you give me directions – to your apartment?” [Makes clucking noise]

 

HECTOR

Really?

 

NICK

Yeah.

 

HECTOR

OK. [Clears throat]

“Hola soy inglés… …”

 

NICK

“Hola soy inglés… …”

 

HECTOR

“… ¿Me puedes dar … “

 

NICK

“… ¿Me puedes dar …”

 

HECTOR

“… La dirección de tu piso?”

 

NICK

“… La dirección de tu piso?”

 

HECTOR

Good, but this one is better.

“Your eyes are like stars – they come out at night.”

 

NICK

Oh, I like it!

How do I say it in Spanish?

 

Laughter

 

HECTOR

[Clears throat]

“Tus ojos …”

 

NICK

“Tus ojos …”

 

HECTOR

“Tus ojos …”

NICK

That’s what I said.

 

HECTOR

OK!

“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”

 

NICK

“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”

 

HECTOR

“… Salen por la noche …”

 

NICK

“… Salen por la noche …”

NICK

Eh! Ha, ha!

Now, this one always works. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to kiss me, don’t you.”

HECTOR

No, I don’t.

 

NICK

Not you!

It’s the chat up line, stupid!

 

BRIDGET

Hector, are you there?

 

HECTOR

Yeah.

 

BRIDGET

Could you give me a hand with my luggage?

 

HECTOR

Sure.

Ay?!!

All of it?!!

 

BRIDGET

Yes, all of it, please, Hector.

 

BRIDGET

Over here, Hector, I must do a final check.

 

ANNIE

Gracious, Bridget, what have you got in there?

 

BRIDGET

Six tee shirts, three pairs of jeans, four pairs of trousers, ten bikinis, four sarongs, two skirts, two nightdresses, three pairs of trainers, two pairs of evening shoes, three toothbrushes, two toilet bags, five belts, two jackets, two cans of hair mousse and a ball gown.

ANNIE

But, we’re only going for three days.

BRIDGET

You never can be sure what event we’ll be asked to go to – parties, balls, the opera, theatre …

 

ANNIE

… Oh yeah – it won’t happen!

 

BRIDGET

When Bridget arrives in Spain, we’ll be invited everywhere. They just won’t be able to resist!

 

NICK

What won’t they be able to resist?

 

BRIDGET

What are you wearing?

 

NICK

I am a toreador!

 

HECTOR

Oh! Oh! Olé!!

 

NICK

Whose is this?!

 

ANNIE

Bridget’s.

 

NICK

You are taking all that?!

 

BRIDGET

Yeah, why?

 

NICK

Oh Bridget, Bridget, Bridget – all you need to travel is your passport, your tickets and your money, ha-ha!

 


Date: 2015-12-24; view: 700


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