NO LONGER FATHERLESS

For my parents, especially for my father, it was special coming to Germany. My father was of German origin, his father was German and mother Croatian. He was born in 1944 in Croatia where his parents lived. His father only saw him once when he was 3 months old and had to move back to Germany with the families of his two bothers.

My father stayed in Croatia with his mother and fraternal, German grandmother, who due to her age wasn’t able to travel back to Germany. The family kept loose ties, mostly by writing occasional letters, until the grandmother died in 1955. Dad’s father invited his wife and son to join him, but she refused and the link was lost. My grandmother died in 1964, two years before I was born, so I knew my dad as a man without any family. On the contrary, my mother had a large family: parents, two sisters and three brothers.

Throughout my childhood I felt dad’s pain of feeling lonely. Every time we would go to visit grandparents or the uncles and aunties dad would comment, “I wish I had someone to take you to visit.” He would show us the pictures of his father and his uncles and their families that were sent from Germany. Sometimes dad would talk to us how he felt miserable being all on his own. As a child I always tried to encourage him, “Dad but you have us, mum, Ana, Joseph and me. We are your family.” Dad didn’t want to disregard what I said but his comment would be, “You just don’t understand.” It was true, how could I understand?

Dad grew up in a communist post war Yugoslavia with a nickname Little Schwaba (Little German). When he started school he was despised by the teachers because he didn’t speak good Croatian, for he spoke German with his grandmother. He told us many stories of how other children were protected by their siblings and he had no one to stand up for him. His mother worked hard to provide for them and she was rarely at home. She had no close by relatives and never kept in touch with any of them.

Now that we were in Germany I tried to find our relatives. We managed to find a wife of grandfather’s youngest brother. However, they were divorced and she was in the second marriage. Dad’s uncle was dead and his son didn’t want to make any contact with our family. So to our great disappointment our search ended there. We never found out what happened to dad’s father, how he lived or if he had a new family.

My father never found his father and his father never came back to Croatia to look for his son. However, my father met his Heavenly Father who looked for him and found him. In Germany, his fatherland, dad made a covenant with his Heavenly Father; he was no longer fatherless.

BAPTISM

It was hard to hold back my thoughts about the event of mum and dad’s baptism. My soul was dancing and the words were just looking for a piece of paper to jot them down.

BAPTISM

Today heaven celebrates;

Lost has been found,

Sinner has been saved.

Sins forgiven, wiped away.

Freedom, no more chains.

Mercy, our human claim.

Today earthly meets heavenly,

Mortality meets immortality.

To eternity, you are born again.

Today, mother and daughter are sisters,

Daughter calls her father brother.

No orphans in the family of God;

Children of God, we are the same.

LATE FRUITS

6 April 2002 was the daylong anticipated. There were so many mixed emotions; excitement, nervousness, happiness. Seeing mum and dad getting ready in their best suits I was sure that could be compared to their wedding day. They practiced their short speeches to thank the Lord and the church community. The rest of us got ready too and we were on our way to the all white church.

There were beautiful flower arrangements at the front and roses around the baptismal pool. The music, readings, and speeches reflected solemnity and happiness of the service. Mum and dad got ready for the actual baptism all in white.

It brought tears into my eyes to see Branislav and mum in the pool. “It is my privilege to baptize my mother-in law today. Marija, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.” After saying these words Branislav fully immersed mum in the water. The old life buried with all its failures, sin and guilt. She sprang up washed and clean into a new epoch of her life. I waited for mum to help her as she came out of the pool.

It was dad’s turn. We stopped to watch. “My father-in-law grew up without a father, today he can claim his Heavenly Father. Franz, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.” As if these words were not lifted to heaven; for me heaven came down and was among us. I looked at my children, they were crying of joy. Very often when the grandparents asked them if they had any wishes they would answer: “Our wish is that you love God.” Today, their wish came true and they rejoiced.

While mum, dad and Branislav got changed and dry, beautiful hymns were sung of repentance and God’s love. Soon they were ready to rejoin the congregation. Dad read the verses from 1 John 3:1-3.

“1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3 All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.”

Mum had her short speech. “To God we are all important and because of that he patiently waits for each one of us. Our daughter Marica responded to God’s call 21 years ago in her early youth. She was like the first fruits we eagerly wait for. Franz and I responded in our mature years. We are like late fruits that have special taste and use. To God be the glory for the sacrifice of His only Son through whom we receive salvation. We also want to thank all of you for your support and brotherly love.”

Mum and dad received so many flowers and presents that day in memory of the occasion. The nicest present for them was to belong to the family of God. Dad was crying as the people addressed him as their brother.

FAMILY OF GOD

The following day mum and dad were on their way back home to Croatia. They looked so happy like a newly wed couple. For them that was a new start. Mum and dad had so many adjustments to make in their everyday living. While still in Stuttgart mum was learning how to make her cooking healthier and she introduced some new recipes in their regular diet. They didn’t eat pork any more and they tried to reduce on meat consumption all together. There was no more smoking, coffee, and alcohol. They shared the news about their baptism with mum’s family and friends. The responses were different but mainly positive.

Mum and dad started attending the local church in Slavonski Brod. Each church member and friend coming to the church services had his own story to tell. There were people who lost their jobs to keep the holy Sabbath as God commanded by the fourth commandment. There were people whose family rejected them because of their faith. There were people who fought big fight with their bad habits and addictions and overcame them. One of them was Tadija.

As a teenager Tadija became a drug addict. This caused many problems at school with his attendance and learning and problems with the police. However, in his heart there was a love for God. The pastor would give him clothes for church, but when in need for money for drugs he would sell them. Then for a while he wouldn’t come until the pastor encouraged him again. It went on like this for a while until one evening.

Tadija described how he decided not to use drugs any more. That evening when he was desperate for drugs he knelt down by his bed. He prayed to God not to let him go but to keep him in prayer. He prayed for five minutes and realised he said everything to God he wanted to say. He prayed again and again. When he didn’t know what else to pray to God he begged God to keep him on his knees until the urge goes. That night he fell asleep by his bed on his knees. The next evening the same thing happened, to keep from the temptation he stayed on his knees in prayer. Eventually, Tadija overcame his battle, got baptised and was selling Christian books for living and that way he shared his story with everyone he met.

God lifted up Tadija from his knees to his feet in a special way. Tadija who had suffered as a baby from cerebral palsy and was a drug addict became a super marathon runner. He has run many marathon races and special peace runs during the recent war in Croatia. He became a role model for the drug addicts who wanted to give up their addiction and even lead some of them to God.

Knowing that we are all children of the same Heavenly Father brings us close to one another; so close we call each other brothers and sisters. Mum and dad truly enjoyed the church services and fellowship. They already knew some of the church members so they didn’t feel like strangers there; on the contrary. They started inviting church members home to visit them and join them for nature walks in the nearby vineyards and forest. Mum enjoyed cooking for the guests too. That way they got to know the people closer and felt like part of a family indeed.

GROWING TOGETHER

Mum and dad were only a telephone call away. Every time we talked to them we could sense their contentment and cheerfulness. They had so much to share with us.

From the moment they’d wake up they would commit their day to God. They prayed together and studied the Bible. There they found a source of strength and encouragement to focus on positive things. Mum and dad didn’t know many Christian hymns but mum read the hymnal book; every day one hymn. She said in her heart she sang and meditated on the inspired words of the songs. She was sure that people who wrote the songs experienced God’s presence in their lives in a special way. One of her favourite became It is well with my soul written by Horation G. Spafford:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,


When sorrows like sea billows roll;


Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,


It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,


It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,


Let this blest assurance control,


That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,


Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,


No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life


Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,


The sky, not the grave, is our goal;


Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!


Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,


The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;


The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,


Even so, it is well with my soul.

SPA

It was August when we next met with mum and dad. We took mum with us to Vrnjacka Banja, a mineral spa in central Serbia where Branislav’s parents had a summerhouse.

In Serbia there are many spas and they are popular destination for people with various illnesses. Vrnjacka Banja has four sources of different natural mineral waters and each is used in treatments of specific type of illness. Hot water springs have been used for patients with digestive system problems. We thought that would give mum a chance to revitalize and also relax with the family.

It was obvious to us that mum had lost some weight. We went to see the specialist in the spa clinic. When we shared mum’s illness history, and when the doctor examined mum with sadness in his voice he said: “ You understand that water is only water.” I felt so disappointed, I wished there was something that could help mum.

Water is only water but not always. My thoughts went back about two millenniums ago. Jesus was acting on a request of his mother to help out in an embarrassing situation at the wedding in Cana. The wedding host ran out of wine. Jesus gave instructions for the ceremonial jars to be filled with water, just plain water. He said a blessing and the water turned into wine.

The guests immediately tasted the difference. The host was told off for keeping the better, tastier wine to be served after wine of lesser quality was served. Very little did they know about the origin of the wine they were drinking.

There were crowds of sick people in the spa. They waited for their check-ups, some for treatments, some walking to drink or fetch healthy water from the sources. They all had one thing in common, they were there in hope that it might help them to ease their pain and bring healing. What a difference it would make to have Jesus turn all that water into healing water that would make immediate and striking difference.

It was so perplexing seeing mum physically fragile and her spirit growing strong and firm. We spent a lot of time walking, talking and studying together. When we were short for words to give her hope, for things were not going the right direction, she would be the one comforting, encouraging and guiding people. As if she never wanted her illness to be an obstacle to enjoy every day given to her. She always found something to thank the Lord for something nice to focus on.

MOTHERLY LOVE

Ana and her family lived in a town about 60 km away from Vrnjacka Banja. Cacak used to be a prosperous town in the former Yugoslavia with several big factories, among them an ammunition factory; they offered employment to most of its inhabitants. The town suffered a lot during the NATO bombing of Yugoslavia, from March to June1999, because the factories were targeted. Ana’s family spent much time in their building shelter, which was overcrowded and badly ventilated. Her younger daughter suffered from asthma this made it difficult for them.

The economic crisis of the late 1980s affected people in different ways. Ana’s family lost all their savings invested in different banks. The savings were intended for an investment in a private business. The amount of money she and her husband Goran lost could have bought them a house. This was such a blow to the family that they have never recovered. It permanently strained their marital relationship and impacted the quality of their lifestyle. They were thankful for the one bedroom flat they still possessed. However, at times it was hard to coexist in 50m2 with two children Katarina age 7 and Marina age 15.

Life had many trials and challenges for Ana and in mum she found a counselor and confidant. They shed many tears together. Ana was a breadwinner in her family. Everything rotated around trying to survive. She worked as a shop window designer and used every opportunity to earn extra money privately. She hardly had any time for family never mind friends and socializing.

Ana invited mum to come and stay with her family. I wasn’t quite sure if that was the best idea because mum didn’t feel so well and needed her peace and own routine. It would have been more convenient if Ana and her family came to visit us in the spa. But mum assured me that she would be perfectly fine and expressed her convictions about family.

“Family is not a matter of convenience and comfort. We should be there for each other even when we need to put up with not so pleasant things.” She continued, “Hm, I find it striking that family brings the most happiness and suffering. It matters whatever happens to any of you. You are not only a part of me, my family is me. When you are in danger I’m in danger. When you are celebrating I’m celebrating. Your sorrow is my sorrow, your joy is my joy.”

There was no need for more persuasion. Mum was on her way to Ana’s family and she had lovely time with them. Small inconveniences should never be an obstacle, with the right attitude we can find the way to enjoy life. Sometimes we worry too much or we are protective of ourselves too much that in itself can become more damaging.

WOMAN TO WOMEN

The summer was quickly over and all the excitement that came with it. It was time to go back into routine of school and work. God counts on each person to keep his life in order, to support the family and to be of good use in the wider society. I found my mission in working with children and young people where much of my pedagogical expertise came to good use, teaching Sabbath School classes and Pathfinders and helping with organizing activities related to them. There was another ministry I enjoyed very much, women’s ministry; mum encouraged me to get involved in it.

“When a woman has a problem or is in need she goes to another woman for support. We depend on each other. Help women to appreciate each other, give them a chance to share their lives and do good things together.” Mom’s advice summarized the purpose of the women’s ministry in the church well. There is also a spiritual dimension to that, it helps women to grow spiritually themselves, and encourages them to help others on their spiritual journeys.

In our church district we had different activities organized for women and by women, the main being Sunday discussion breakfasts. While enjoying a healthy start to the day, women were given a specific topic, relevant to the group needs, and several discussion questions related to that. It always amazes me when people are given a chance to share their knowledge, thoughts and experiences; they have so much to say.

Our meetings were vibrant and a great blessing to all of us. On one occasion we were discussing parental responsibilities. I posed a question to my group what to do when the expectations of children are higher than what parents can afford. To that, one of the ladies responded, “If it is something what will develop a child in a positive way, we should ask God to help us.” I told them how Natasha wanted to learn to play the harp, but how they are extremely expensive instruments to buy, we couldn’t possibly afford one. To that another lady in the group said with excitement, “A friend of mine has a beautiful harp she bought her daughter but she lost the interest in playing and I’m sure she will lend it to you.” It was a miracle, Natasha got a harp and God provided an excellent teacher too.

The Women’s Ministries planning team gave a questionnaire to the women attending the churches in the district Branislav pastored. They expressed the desire for weekend retreats that would give them the chance to listen to special guests, who would teach them through seminars. There would be time for spiritual sharing and social activities.

The year before the first of such retreats was organized in Diepoldsburg, a church retreat centre in a beautiful, hilly spot near Kircheim-Teck, 30 km from Stuttgart. Our guest speaker was Professor Dr Zorica Kuburic an expert in family matters. I told mum about the retreat and she was sorry to miss it. She made sure she would not miss the one planned for that year. Mum and dad arrived from Croatia at the end of November, in good time for the retreat. In the traditional Slavic culture women are expected to take care of the members of the family. The retreat weekend was to give special time to the women.

CREATED DIFFERENT

For days our home became a preparation center for the retreat weekend. Each planning committee member had a special responsibility; for food, trip, social, spiritual part, recreation, seminars. From time to time we would get together to check how things were developing and share ideas and work on details. We all had so much fun shopping, preparing surprises, choosing music and planning other activities. Mum, Miriam and Natasha helped as much as they could. We were so sorry that Natasha was not of age to attend the retreat.

The choice of our guest speaker was for different reasons. Gordana Puskas, specialized in Biblical Counseling. Her special interest was in different temperaments and that was the theme for the retreat weekend. Gordana’s life story was even more impressive. In 1995, in the fifth year of her marriage, she was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. Predictions for life expectancy with the illness were three to four years the most. Gordana, well supported by her husband Rudika, treated her illness as an uninvited co-passenger but not the guide of her life. She engaged herself in studies and completed BA and MA in Biblical Counseling. She actively supported her husband’s pastoral ministry. The women were eager to meet this knowledgeable, brave and humble young lady who was under God’s special care.

At our first meeting each woman introduced herself. With delight mum said “I’m privileged that at this retreat there are three generations of my family represented, my granddaughter Miriam, daughter Marica and I Marija.” What a privilege that was for me too.

We were all tested for temperaments and how different we all were. Miriam was mostly melancholic, mum was mostly sanguine and I was mostly choleric. Through her seminars Gordana presented the differences in thinking and behaviour of each of the four temperaments and their different combinations. In practical terms she showed how our differences impact our reactions and relationships, showing strengths and weaknesses of each group. The women started understanding themselves better and those closest to them.

Mum enjoyed every aspect of the retreat and didn’t want to miss anything, like a real sanguine. She specially enjoyed the Saturday evening party when in our temperament groups we engaged in different tasks. We could all see how each group valued different things, taught differently, organized themselves differently, did things differently.

It wasn’t hard to conclude that God loves diversity. In His creativity he made differences between us to complement one another. We need to respect and value each other for whom God made us to be.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 536