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A Special Washing Machine 1 pageShip or Sheep? An Interesting Film [ I ] Bill: Is Tim In? Lyn: Is he coming to the pictures? Mum: Tim’s ill. Bill: Here he is! Hello, Tim! Tim: Hello, Bill. Lyn: Are you ill, Tim? Tim: Is it an interesting film? Lyn: It’s “Big Jim and the Indians”. Bill: And it begins in six minutes. Mum: If you’re ill, Tim… Tim: Quick! Or we’ll miss the beginning of the film.
An Expensive Holiday [ e ] Eddie: Hello, Ellen! Hello, Ben! Hello, Jenny! Ben: Hello, Eddie! Have a cigarette! Eddie: Thanks, Ben. Ellen: Help yourself to whiskey! Jenny: It’s on the shelf. Ben: How did you spend your holiday, Eddie? Eddie: I went to America with a friend. Everybody: Well! Ellen:We are all jealous. Ben: Was it expensive? Eddie: Yes, I’ve spent everything. Jenny: Haven’t you any money left? Eddie: Yes, Jenny, ten pence!
TV Advertisement for “Onwash” [ o ] Voice A: What’s wrong with you, Mrs Bloggs? Mrs Bloggs: What’s wrong with me? I want a holiday from this terrible job of washing socks! Voice B: Buy a bottle of “Onwash”, Mrs Bloggs! Voice C: “Onwash” is so soft and strong! Voice D: You don’t want lots of hot water with “Onwash”! Voice A: It’s not a long job with “Onwash”! Voice B: Use “Onwash” often. Voice C: You won’t be sorry when you’ve got “Onwash”. Voice D: Everybody wants “Onwash”. Everybody: “Onwash” is so popular!
The Worst Nurse [ ə: ] Herbert: Nurse! Burton: Nurse! I’m thirsty! Herbert: Nurse! My head hurts! Burton: Nurse! Herbert: Curse these nurses! Burton: Nurse Sherman always wears such dirty shirts. Herbert: And such short skirts. Burton: She never arrives at work early. Herbert: She and Nurse Turner weren’t at work on Thursday, were they? Burton: No, they weren’t. Herbert: Nurse Sherman is the worst nurse in the ward, isn’t she? Burton: No, she isn’t. She’s the worst nurse in the world!
I Love You [⋀ ] Russ: Honey, why are you so sad? Honey, why are you so unhappy? Janet: You don’t love me, Russ. Russ: But, honey I love you very much. Janet: That’s untrue. You love my cousin, Sunny. You think she’s lovely and I’m ugly. Russ: Janet, just once last month I took Sunny out for lunch. You mustn’t worry. I like your company much better than Sunny’s. Janet: Oh, shut up, Russ. wonderful. You mustn’t… Janet: Oh, shut up!
At a party [ a: ] Margaret: Where’s your glass, Barbara? Barbara: It’s on the bar. Martin: Barbara! Margaret! Come into the garden! Martha and Charles are dancing in the dark. Margaret: In the garden? What a laugh! Barbara: So they are! They are dancing on the grass. Margaret: They are dancing under the stars.! Martin: And Arnold’s playing his guitar. Barbara; Doesn’t Martha look smart! Margaret: Look at Charles! What a marvelous dancer! Barbara: Ah! Let’s take a photograph of Martha and Charles. Martin: We can’t. It’s too dark.
A Lost Book [ u ] Mr Cook: Woman! Could you tell me where you’ve put my book? Mrs Cook: Isn’t it on the bookshelf? Mr Cook: No. The bookshelf is full of your cookery books. Mrs Cook: Then you should look in the bedroom, shouldn’t you? Mr Cook: I’ve looked. You took that book and put it somewhere, didn’t you? Mrs Cook: The living-room? Mr Cook: No, I’ve looked. I’m going to put all my books in a box and lock it! Mrs Cook: Look, Mr Cook! It’s on the floor next to your foot. Mr Cook: Ah! Good!
A Pair of Hairbrushes [ɛ ə ] Mary: I’ve lost two small hairbrushes. They’re a pair. Claire: Have you looked carefully everywhere? Mary: Yes. They’re nowhere here. Claire: Have you looked upstairs? Mary: Yes. I’ve looked everywhere upstairs and downstairs. They aren’t anywhere. Claire: Are they square, Mary? Mary: Yes. They’re square hairbrushes. Have you seen them anywhere? Claire: Well, you’re wearing one of them in your hair! Mary: Oh! Then where is the other one? Claire: It’s over there under the chair.
A Bearded Mountaineer [ ı ə ] Mr Lear: Let’s have a beer here, dear. Mrs Lear: What a good idea! They have very good beer here. We came here last year. Mr Lear: The atmosphere here is very clear. Mrs Lear: And it’s windier than last year. Mr Lear: (to the waiter) Two beers, please. Mrs Lear: Look, dear! Look at that mountaineer drinking beer. Mr Lear: His beard is in his beer. Mrs Lear: His beard has nearly disappeared into his beer! Mr Lear: Shh, dear! He might hear. Waiter: Here you are, sir. Two beers. Mr Lear: Cheers, dear! Mrs Lear: Cheers! Here’s to the bearded mountaineer!
A Mouse in the House [ au ] Mrs Brown: I’ve found a mouse! Mr Brown: Ow! You’re shouting too loudly. Sit down and don’t shout. Mrs Brown: I’ve found a mouse in the house. Mr Brown: A brown mouse? Mrs Brown: Yes. A little round mouse. It’s running around in the lounge. Mr Brown: On the ground? Mrs Brown: Yes. It’s under the couch now. Mr Brown: Well, get it out. Mrs Brown: How? Mr Brown: Turn the couch upside-down. Get it out somehow. We don’t want a mouse in our house. Ours is the cleanest house in the town.
At the Railway Station [ ei ] Mr Grey: Hey! This train’s late! I’ve been waiting here for ages! Porter: Which train, sir? Mr Grey: The 8.18 to Baker Street. Porter: The 8.18? I’m afraid, you’ve made a mistake, sir. Mr Grey: A mistake? My time table says: Baker Street train - 8.18. Porter: Oh, no, sir. The Baker Street train leaves at 8.08. Mr Grey: At 8.08? Porter: You see, sir, they changed the timetable at the end of April. It’s the first of May today. Mr Grey: Changed it? May I see the new timetable? What does it say? Porter: It says: Baker Street train - 8.08. Mr Grey: Hh! So the train isn’t late. I’m late.
Mike, Myra and Violet [ ai ] Myra: Hello, Mike! Mike: hello, Myra. Hello, Violet. You’re looking nice, Violet. Mike: Would you like some ice-cream, Violet? Violet: No, thanks, Mike. I’m busy typing. Talk to me some other time. I have ninety-nine pages to type by Friday. Mike: Never mind. Do you like riding, Violet? Violet: Sometimes. Mike: Would you like to come riding with me tonight, Violet? Violet: Not tonight, Mike. I’m going for a drive with Nigel. Mike: What about Friday? Violet: I’m going climbing with Miles. Mike: Hm! Oh, all right. Bye! Myra: Violet, he’s put something behind your typewriter. Violet: Is it something nice, Myra? Myra: No. It’s a spider.
Passports, please [ p ] Official: Passports, please! Mr Tupman: I think I’ve lost the passports, Poppy. Mrs Tupman: How stupid of you, Peter! Didn’t you put them in your pocket? Mr Tupman: Here’s a pen, a pencil, my pipe, a postcard, an envelope, a stamp, a pin… Mrs Tupman: Oh, stop taking things out of your pockets. Perhaps you put them in the plastic bag. Mr Tupman: Here’s a newspaper, an apple, a pear, a plastic cup, a spoon, some paper plates, a piece of pork pie, a pepper pot… Mrs Tupman: Oh, stop pulling things out of the plastic bag, Peter. These people are getting impatient. Mr Tupman: Well, help me, Poppy. Mrs Tupman: We’ve lost our passports. Perhaps we dropped them on the plane. Official: Then let the other passengers pass, please. Mr Tupman: Poppy, why don’t you help? You aren’t being very helpful. Put the things in the plastic bag. Official: your name, please? Mr Tupman: Tupman. Official: Please, go upstairs with the policeman, Mr Tupman.
Happy Birthday [ b ] Bob: Hello, Barbara! Barbara: hello, Bob. It’s my birthday today. Bob: Oh, yes. Your birthday! Happy birthday, Barbara! Barbara: Thanks, Bob. Somebody gave me this blouse for my birthday. Bob: What a beautiful blouse! It’s got brown and blue butterflies on it. Barbara: And big black buttons. Bob: Did Ruby buy it for you? Barbara: Yes. And my brother gave me a hairbrush and a book about baby birds. Bob: I didn’t remember your birthday, Barbara. I’m terribly sorry. Barbara: Well you can buy me a big bottle of perfume, Bob! Bob: I’ve got a better idea. We’ll get into a cab and go to a pub, and I’ll buy you a bottle of beer!
A Damaged Telephone [ d ] - Dunstone, 238-8282 -Hello, Daisy. This is Donald. -Oh, hello, darling. -What did you do yesterday? You forgot our date, didn’t you? -Well, it rained all day. Donald, I have a bad cold, so I decided to stay at home. -Did you? I telephoned 20 times and nobody answered. - Oh, the telephone was damaged. They repaired it today. - What did David do yesterday? Did he and Dotty go dancing? - No. They stayed at home and played cards with the children. -And what did you do? Did you play cards too? - No. Sidney and I listened to the radio and studied. What did you do yesterday, Donald? -I’ve just told you, Daisy. I tried to phone you 20 times!
Guests in August [ g ] Craig: I’ve just got a telegram from Margaret and Greg. Carol: Are they coming to England again? Craig: Yes. At the beginning of August. Carol: Good. We can all get together again. Craig: I’m glad they are coming in August. We can take the dog and go for walks together. Carol: Yes. And we can give a garden party. Craig: And Margaret can play her guitar in the garden and sing Greek songs again. Carol: Yes. August is a good time to come to England.
The Cuckoo Clock [ k ] Mrs Cook: Would you like some cream in your coffee, Mrs Clark? Mrs Clark: No thank you. But I’d like a little milk. Mrs Cook: Would you like some chocolate cakes? Mrs Clark: Thank you. Mrs Cook: Take two. Here’s a cake fork, and here’s a… Mrs Clark: Excuse me, Mrs Cook. But what’s that next to your bookshelf? Is it a clock? Mrs Cook: Yes. It’s an American cuckoo clock. Mrs Clark: Is it plastic? Mrs Cook: Oh, no, Mrs Clark. It’s a very expensive clock. It’s an electric clock. Mrs Clark: Well, it’s exactly six o’clock now, and its very quiet. Doesn’t it say ‘cuckoo’? Mrs Cook: Of course, Mrs Clark. Look! Clock: Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Mrs Clark: How exciting! What a clever clock! Clock: Cuckoo!
At an Accomodation Agency [ n ] - Good morning. I want an apartment in central London. - Certainly, sir. How much rent did you want to pay? - No more than $27 a month. - $27 a month? We don’t often have apartments as inexpensive as that. We have one apartment for $29 a month in Northern Avenue. It’s down near the station. - Is it furnished? - No, it’s unfurnished. The kitchen has no oven. It’s forbidden to use the garden. No friends in the apartment after 11 in the evening. No noise and no television after 11.15. No… - No thank you! I want an apartment, not a prison!
NOISY NEIGHBOURS [ŋ ] - Bang! Bang! Bang! What are the Kings doing at 7 o’clock on Sunday morning? - Well, Mr King is singing. - Yes, but what’s the banging noise? - He’s standing on a ladder and banging some nails into the wall with a hammer. Now he’s hanging some strong string on the nails. - And what’s Mrs King doing? - She’s bringing something pink for Mr King to drink. Now she’s putting it under the ladder and…Ohh! - What’s happening? - The ladder’s falling. - What’s Mr King doing? - He’s hanging from the string. He’s holding the string in his fingers and he’s shouting to Mrs King. - And is she helping him? - No. She’s running to our house. Now she’s ringing the bell. - I’m not going to answer. I’m sleeping.
At the Photographer’s [ f ] Phillip: I want a photograph of myself and my wife. Photographer: Please fill in this form, sir. Would you prefer a full front photograph or a profile? Phillip: A full front, don’t you think, Phillippa? Phillippa: Yes, a full front photograph. Photographer: Please sit on the sofa. Is it comfortable, Mrs Puffin? Phillippa: Yes, It feels fine. Photographer: Mr Puffin, please give a friendly laugh. Phillip: That’s difficult. If you say something funny, I can laugh. Photographer: And, Mrs Puffin, please look soft and beautiful. Phillip: (laughs) Phillippa: Is it finished? Photographer: Yes. Phillip: Will the photograph be ready for the first of February? Photographer: Yes. Please phone my office after five days, Mr Puffin. Puffin -‘òóïèê (çâåðåê)
A Walk in the Woods [ w ] Gwen: Did you see Victor on Wednesday, Wendy? Wendy: Yes, we went for a walk in the woods near the railway. Gwen: Wasn’t it cold on Wednesday? Wendy: Yes. It was very cold and wet. We wore warm clothes and walked quickly to keep warm. Gwen: It’s lovely and quiet in the woods. Wendy: Yes. Further away from the railway it was very quiet and there were wild squirrels everywhere. We counted twenty squirrels. Gwen: How wonderful! Twenty squirrels! And did you take lunch with you? Wendy: Yes. About twelve we had veal sandwiches and sweet white wine, and we watched the squirrels. It was a very nice walk.
It’s Expensive [ s ] Sam: Let’s go to the seaside on Sunday. Alice: Yes! Let’s go sailing and water-skiing. That’s exciting. Sam: It’s expensive too. Let’s just sit in the sun and go swimming instead. Alice: Let’s stay in the Six Star Hotel and spend Sunday there too. Sam: Be sensible, Alice. It’s too expensive. Let’s sleep outside instead. Alice: Yes. Let’s sleep on the sand. That’s more exciting.
Surprises in the Post Office [ z ] Mrs Smith: This parcel smells, Mrs Jones. Mrs Jones: Something’s written on it. Mrs Smith: What does it say? Mrs Jones: It says: This parcel contains six mice. Mrs Smith: Pooh! Mrs Jones: Listen! What’s in this sack? Mrs Smith: It’s making a strange hissing noise. Sack: (hisses) Sssssssssssssssss! Mrs Jones: Mrs Smith! It’s a sack of snakes! Mrs Smith: So it is! And what’s in this box, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: It’s making a buzzing sound. Box: (buzzes) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Mrs Smith: These are bees! Mrs Jones: A parcel of mice! And a sack of snakes! And a box of bees! This is very surprising. Mrs Smith: It’s amazing! This isn’t a post office, Mrs Jones. It’s a zoo!
A Special Washing Machine Mrs Marsh: Does the shop sell washing machines? Mr Shaw: Yes. This is the newest washing machine, madam. Mrs Marsh: Is it Swedish? Mr Shaw: No, madam. It’s English. Mrs Marsh: Please show me how it washes. Mr Shaw: Shall I give you a demonstration? Here are some sheets and shirts. You put them in the machine. You shut the door. And you push this button. Mrs Marsh: The machine shouldn’t shake like that, should it? Mr Shaw: Washing machines always shake, madam. Ah! It’s finished now. Mrs Marsh: But the sheets have shrunk, and so have the shirts. Mr Shaw: Do you wish to buy this machine, madam? Mrs Marsh: I’m not sure.
At the Butcher’s [ʧ ] Butcher: Good morning, Mrs Church. Mrs Church: Good morning, Mr Cheshir. I’d like some chops for the children’s lunch. Butcher: Chump chops or shoulder chops, Mrs Church? Mrs Church: I’ll have four shoulder chops, and I want a small chicken. Butcher: Would you like to choose a chicken, Mrs Church? Mrs Church: Which one is cheaper? Butcher: This one is the cheapest. It’s a delicious chicken. Mrs Church: How much is all that? I haven’t got cash. Can I buy it by cheque?
George Churchill [ʤ ] Jerry: Just outside this village there’s a very dangerous bridge. John: Yes. Charles told me two jeeps crashed on it in January. What happened? Jerry: Well, George Churchill was the driver of the larger jeep, and he was driving very dangerously. He’d been drinking jin. John: George Churchill? Do you know George Churchill? Jerry: Yes. That ginger-haired chap. He’s the manager of the travel agency in Chester. John: Oh yes, I remember George. He’s always telling jokes. Well, was anybody injured? Jerry: Oh yes. The other jeep went over the edge of the bridge, and two children and another passenger were badly injured. John: Were both the jeeps damaged? Jerry: Oh yes. John: And what happened to George? Jerry: George? He’s telling jokes in jail now, I suppose.
EARLY for LUNCH [ l ] - Hello, Lily. You’re looking lovely today. - Hello, Mr Alien. You’re early for lunch. It’s only 7 o’clock. - When I come later there’s usually nothing left. - What would you like? - Leg of lamb, please. - And would you like a plate of salad? It’s lettuce with black olives. - Marvellous! I love olives. - And would you like a glass of lemonade? - Yes, please, Lily. And a slice of melon and some yellow jelly.
A Proud Parent [ r ] - Are all the children grown up now, Puth? - Oh yes. Laura is the cleverest one. She’s a librarian in the public library. -Very interesting. And what about Rita? -She’s a secretary at the railway station. - And what about Rosemary? She was always a very pretty child. - Rosemary is a waitress in a restaurant in Paris. She’s married to an electrician. - And what about Jerry and Roland? - Jerry drives a lorry. He drives everywhere in Europe. - Really? Which countries does he drive to? - France and Austria and Greece and Russia. - And does Roland drive a lorry too? - Oh, no. Roland is a pilot. - Really? Which countries does he fly to? - Australia and America.
GOSSIPS [ θ ] Judith: Edith Smith is only thirty. Ethel: Is she? I thought she was thirty-three. Judith: Edith’s birthday was last Thursday. Ethel: Was it? I thought it was last month. Judith: The Smiths’ house is worth thirty thousand pounds. Ethel: Is it? I thought it was worth three thousand. Judith: Mr Smith is the author of a book about moths. Ethel: Is he? I thought he was a mathematician. Judith: I’m so thirsty. Ethel: Are you? I thought you drank something at the Smiths’. Judith: No, Edith gave me nothing to drink. Ethel: Shall I buy you a drink? Judith: Thank you.
A Hat in the Window [ ð ] A: I want to buy a hat in the window. B: There are three hats together in the window, madam. Do you want the one with the feathers? A: No, the other one. B: The small one for three pounds? A: No. Not that one either. That one over there. The leather one. B: Ah! The leather one. Now this is another leather hat, madam. It’s better than the one in the window. It’s a smoother leather. A: I’d rather have the one in the window. It goes with my clothes. B: Certainly, madam. But we don’t take anything out of the window until three o’clock on Thursday.
A Horrible Accident [ h ] Helen: Hello, Ellen. Ellen: Hello, Helen. Have you heard? There’s been a horrible accident. Helen: Oh dear! What’s happened? Ellen: Hilda Higgins’ husband has had an accident on his horse. Helen: How awful! Is he injured? Ellen: Yes. An ambulance has taken him to the hospital Helen: How did it happen? Ellen: He was hit by an express train. It was on the crossing just behind his house. Helen: How horrible! Ellen: He’s having an important operation in hospital now. Poor Hilda! She’s so unhappy. Helen: Perhaps he’ll be all right. Ellen: I hope so.
In a Department Store [ t ] -I want to buy a hat. -Hats are upstairs, on the next floor. -Where can I get a hot meal? -The restaurant is on the 13th floor. -I want to buy some boot laces. -They are on the next counter on your left, dear. -I want some tins of tomato paste. -Try the supermarket in the basement. -Could you tell me where the Travel Agency is? -It’s right next to the cafeteria on the 13th floor. -I want to buy a foot ball. -Take the lift to the Sports Department. It’s on the top floor. -Could you tell me where the telephone is? -It’s on the 12th floor opposite the Photographer’s. -Could you tell us the time, please? -Yes. It’s exactly 22 minutes to 10.
A Stupid Student [ ju: ] A: Excuse me! Did you use to live in York? B: Yes. A: Did you use to be a tutor at the University? B: Yes, for a few years. A: Do you remember Hue Young? He was a music student. B: Hue Young…Did he use to have a huge yellow jeep? A: Yes. And he used to play beautiful tunes on the tube. B: Yes, I knew Hue. He used to be a very stupid student. Do you have any news of him? A: Yes. He is a millionaire now in New York. B: Millionaire? Playing the tube! A: No, he produces jam in tubes and tins of sausages and onion stew and sells them in Europe. I read about Hue in the newspaper yesterday. B: Oh! Well, he wasn’t so stupid.
Date: 2015-12-18; view: 885
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