Four Weddings And A Funeral 10 page

'I was told it was your boy's fault,' said the park-keeper. 'It's a crime to kill a duck, you know.'

'Are you suggesting that Marcus killed this duck? Marcus loves ducks, don't you, Marcus?'

'Yes,' said Marcus. 'They're my favourite animal. I mean, my favourite bird.' This was rubbish, because he hated all animals, but he thought it helped.

'I was told he was throwing enormous loaves at it.'

'No,' said Will. 'He was throwing bread at the duck's body. He wanted to sink it because the sight of a dead bird was upsetting my friend's little girl, Megan.'

There was a silence. At last the park-keeper spoke.

'Well, I'll have to go into the water and get it,' he said.

Marcus felt much better. He wouldn't have to go to prison.

They were walking back to the rest of the SPAT group when suddenly a strange thing happened. Marcus saw - or thought he saw - his mum. She was standing on the path in front of them and she was smiling. But when he looked again, she wasn't there.

***

Usually when Suzie took Marcus home after a day out, she left him outside his flat and waited until he got inside. But today she parked the car and lifted Megan out in her car seat. She was never able to explain why she had done this. Will wasn't invited, but he followed them in.

Marcus put the key in the door of the flat and opened it, and a new part of his life began, without any warning at all.

His mum was half on and half off the sofa. Her face was white, and there was a pool of sick on the carpet and an empty pill bottle beside her.

He couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say. He didn't cry either - the situation was much too serious for that, so he just stood there. But Suzie dropped the car seat and ran over to his mum and started screaming at her and shaking her. Marcus was confused. Why was Suzie so angry with someone who wasn't very well?

Suzie shouted at Will to call for an ambulance, and told Marcus to make some black coffee. His mum was moving now and making a terrible noise that Marcus had never heard before and never wanted to hear again.

'Fiona! How could you do this?' Suzie screamed. 'You've got a kid! How could you do this?'

Suddenly Marcus understood that his mum had tried to kill herself. He had seen some shocking things, mostly on videos at other people's houses, but they hadn't frightened him because they weren't real life. This situation with his mum was different because it was very real. There wasn't anything shocking in the room, and he could see that his mum wasn't dead. But it was the most frightening thing he'd ever seen, and he knew he'd never forget it.

When the ambulance arrived and Fiona was taken to hospital, the ambulance men didn't want to take Marcus and Megan too. So Suzie went to the hospital with Fiona, and Will drove Marcus and Megan there in Suzie's car.

When they arrived at the hospital, Fiona had already been taken away.

'What's happening?' asked Will. He was finding the whole experience very interesting- almost enjoyable.

'I don't know. They're pumping her stomach or something. She was talking a little in the ambulance. She was asking about you, Marcus.'

'That's nice of her.'

Suzie tried to put her arms round him. 'Listen, Marcus,' she said. 'This isn't about you. You know that, don't you? I mean, you're not the reason she... you're not the reason she's here.'

'How do you know?' He pushed Suzie away and went to get a drink from a machine.

'What can you tell a kid whose mother has just tried to kill herself?' Will asked. He really wanted to know.

'I don't know,' said Suzie worriedly. 'But we'll have to think of something.'

They waited in the hospital for a long time. Megan went to sleep and Marcus ate a lot of sweets and chocolate from the machine. None ofthem talked much. At last a woman came over to see them - not a nurse or a doctor, but somebody official.

'Hello. Did you come in with Fiona Brewer?'

'Yes. I'm her friend Suzie, and this is Will, and this is Fiona's son Marcus.'

'Right. We're keeping Fiona here for the night. Is there somewhere Marcus could go?'

'He can stay with me tonight,' said Suzie.

She put Megan back into the car seat and they made their way out to the car park.

'I'll see you soon,' said Will. 'I'll call you.'

'I hope things are OK with Ned and Paula,' Suzie said.

For a moment Will didn't know who she meant. Ned and Paula, Ned and Paula...? Ah, yes - his ex-wife and son.

'Oh, it'll be fine. Thanks.' He said goodbye and went to find a taxi. It had been a very interesting experience, but he wouldn't want to repeat it every night.

CHAPTER FOUR

Marcus's Plan

The next day Suzie took Marcus home and left him while she went to get Fiona from the hospital. He was just tidying the kitchen, as Suzie had told him to do, when he saw a note on the kitchen table. He picked it up and sat down.

Dear Marcus,

A big part of me knows that I'm doing a wrong, stupid, selfish, unkind thing. But unfortunately that's not the part that has control of me now.

None of this is about you. I've loved being your mum, always, although I've found it difficult sometimes. And I don't know why it isn't enough for me, but it isn't. I just feel very tired, and there doesn't seem to be anything to look forward to. Things will be better for you than they were before. Really. You can go to your dad's, or Suzie has always said she'd look after you.

Love you,

Mum

Marcus was still sitting at the kitchen table when his mum came back from the hospital with Suzie and Megan. She could see immediately what he'd found.

'I'm sorry, Marcus. I'd forgotten about the note.' 'You forgot? You forgot you wrote a letter about killing yourself?'

'Well, I didn't think I'd ever have to remember it, did I?' She laughed at that. She actually laughed. That was his mother. When she wasn't crying at breakfast, she was laughing about killing herself.

'It was stupid ofme to leave Marcus here before I went to get you,' said Suzie. 'I wasn't thinking.'

'Suzie, none of this is your fault. But maybe Marcus and I ought to have a little talk alone.'

'Ofcourse,' said Suzie. She gave Marcus a kiss. 'She's fine,' she whispered, loud enough for his mum to hear. 'Don't worry about her.'

When Suzie had gone, Fiona made tea and sat down at the table with Marcus.

'Are you angry with me?'

'What do you think?'

'Because of the letter?'

'Because of the letter, because of what you did, everything.'

'I can understand that. I don't feel the same as I did on Saturday, if that's any help.'

'So your problems have all just gone away?'

'No, but... at the moment I feel better.'

'At the moment's no good to me,' said Marcus. 'I can see that you're better at the moment. You've just made tea. But what happens when I go back to school? I can't be here to watch you all the time.'

'No, I know. But we've got to look after each other.'

Marcus was no longer interested in what his mum said; the important thing was what she did, or what she was going to do. She wasn't going to try and kill herself again today. She'd drink her tea, and tonight they'd watch TV, and it would feel like the beginning of a different, better time. But that time wouldn't last for ever. Marcus knew that, for him, things would never be the same again.

Two people in a family weren't enough. He'd always thought that two was a good number, and that he'd hate to live in a family of three or four or five. But now he could see that if there were lots of people in a family, and one of them died, you wouldn't be left on your own. But how could he make his family grow? He was going to have to find a way.

***

Will kept thinking about Marcus and Fiona. There wasn't much else happening in his life, so he had a lot of time to think about them. He had a strange thought: perhaps he should try and help them. He telephoned Suzie.

'I was wondering how Marcus and Fiona are,' he said.

'Not too bad, I think. She hasn't gone back to work, but Marcus went to school today.'

'Listen, do you think there's any way I could help? Perhaps I could take Marcus out?'

'Would you like to?' said Suzie. 'I could ask Fiona.'

'Thanks,' said Will. 'And it would be nice to see you and Megan again soon.'

'Yes,' said Suzie. 'I'm looking forward to meeting Ned.'

Will bought Time Out, a magazine with information about events in London. He was looking for something that a twelve- year-old boy might like to do on a Saturday. He tried to remember what he liked doing at Marcus's age, but he couldn't. Then the telephone rang.

'Hi, Will. It's Marcus.'

'Hi, Marcus.'

'Suzie said you want to take me out for the day on Saturday. I'll come if my mum can come too.'

'What?'

'I'll come if my mum can come too. And she hasn't got any money, so we'll either have to go somewhere cheap, or you'll have to pay for us.'

'Well... wouldn't it be better with just you and me? Your mum could stay at home and have a rest.'

Suddenly Will remembered last Saturday. They had left Fiona at home to rest, and she had tried to kill herself.

'I'm sorry, Marcus,' he said quickly. 'I wasn't thinking. Of course your mum can come too. That would be great.'

'We haven't got a car. You'll have to bring yours. And you can bring your little boy if you like.'

He laughed. 'Thanks.'

'That's OK,' said Marcus generously.

'He'll be with his mum again on Saturday.'

'Fine. Come round at about half past twelve. You remember where we live. Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road, Islington, London N1 2SR'

'Right,' said Will. 'See you then.'

***

Marcus wasn't really worried about leaving his mum. She was still in a strange, calm mood. But he wanted her to come so that she and Will could meet, and after that, he thought, it should be easy. His mum was pretty, and Will seemed quite rich. They could go and live with him and his kid, and then there would be four of them, and four was twice as good as two. Then if one of them died, it wouldn't matter so much.

Marcus wasn't even sure whether he liked Will or not, but it didn't matter. He could see that Will wasn't bad, or drunk, or violent, so he would be OK. And Marcus knew a little about Will. One day on his way home from school, he had seen Will out shopping and had followed him home like a private detective.

He hadn't really found out much about him except where he lived. But Will seemed to live alone - no girlfriend, no wife, no little boy. Perhaps the little boy was with his girlfriend at home? But if Will had a girlfriend, why was he trying to get friendly with Suzie?

When Will arrived on Saturday, his mum was looking good, Marcus thought. She was wearing her best trousers and a hairy jumper, and she was wearing make-up for the first time since the hospital, and a pair of brightly coloured earrings from Zimbabwe.

'Thanks for everything you did last weekend,' she said. 'I'm very grateful.'

'It was a pleasure. I hope you're feeling... I hope you've...'

'My stomach's fine. I suppose I must still be a bit crazy though. That sort of thing doesn't get better quickly, does it?'

Will looked shocked, but she just laughed. Marcus hated it when she made jokes to people who didn't know her well.

Will took them to a restaurant called Twenty-Eight. After they had ordered their food, Marcus hoped that Will and his mum would start talking. But they seemed to be finding it difficult to start a conversation, so he had to help them.

'Don't just sit there,' he said. 'Talk to each other.'

Both Will and Fiona looked at him.

'What do you want us to talk about?' asked Will.

'Anything. Politics. Films. Murders. I don't care.'

'I'm not sure that's how conversation happens,' said his mother.

Marcus started asking questions to make them talk, but he wasn't very successful.

'Leave us alone, Marcus. You're making it more difficult, not easier,' said Fiona. 'We'll start talking soon.'

Then Will asked questions about Marcus's dad, and soon they were talking about relationships. They were talking so much that they didn't notice when the food arrived. Marcus ate his lunch happily. Would they move into Will's place, he wondered, or buy somewhere new?

Will knew that Fiona wasn't his type of woman. She didn't look the way he wanted women to look. He didn't think looks were important to her at all. Why didn't she get a good haircut and wear nice clothes? And she was just too strange. He could see now why Marcus was so weird. She believed in things that Will didn't care about, like being a vegetarian.

Will still wanted to help them. One evening he was invited to supper at their flat. He didn't like the food very much - something vegetarian with peas and rice and tinned tomatoes - but he quite enjoyed the conversation. Fiona told him about her job as a music teacher and they talked about his dad's song. But later Fiona sat down at the piano and started to sing.

She wasn't a bad singer, but Will was very embarrassed. She sang old pop songs from the sixties, and she sang them with deep feeling; she even closed her eyes. Then Marcus began to sing too, in the same way, and they made Will sing with them. It was awful.

Will could see that he'd made a big mistake about Marcus and Fiona. He couldn't do anything to help people like them. They were too weird and they felt too deeply about things. Will didn't feel deeply about anything. He couldn't imagine wanting to kill himself. He just wanted to live a long life without any problems.

Fiona called Will and left a message on his answer machine, but he didn't call her back. He was trying to return to his old life. He went shopping for CDs and clothes, he played a bit of tennis, he went to the pub and to see films with friends. Then, one afternoon, the doorbell rang. It was Marcus.

'I've come to see you,' he said.

'Oh. Right. Come in.'

Marcus marched into the sitting room, sat down on the sofa and looked round. 'You haven't got a kid, have you?'

'Well...'began Will.

Marcus got up and walked around the flat. 'Where's your toilet?' he asked.

'It's just down the hall.'

When Marcus was gone, Will tried to think what he could say about Ned, but he couldn't think of anything.

'You've only got one bedroom,' said Marcus when he got back. 'You've got no children's toys in the bathroom, there are no toys in here... You haven't even got any photos of him.'

'Is that your business?'

'No. But you've been lying to me, and my mum, and my mum's friend.'

'Who told you where I live?'

'I followed you here once.'

'Why don't you just go home, Marcus?'

'All right. But I'm going to tell my mum.'

Will couldn't think of any explanation to give Marcus except the truth - that he had invented a child so he could jo in a single parents' group and meet women. And the truth sounded much worse than he had ever intended.

'Listen, Will,' said Marcus. 'I won't say anything to my mum if you go out with her.'

'Why do you want your mum to go out with someone like me?'

'I don't think you're too bad. I mean, you told lies, but you seem OK. She's sad, and I think she'd like a boyfriend.'

'Marcus, I can't go out with someone just because you want me to. I have to like the person too.'

'What's wrong with her?'

'Nothing's wrong with her, but...'

'You want to go out with Suzie, don't you?'

'I don't want to talk about this with you.'

'I thought so.'

'I didn't say anything. I just said... Listen, I really don't want to talk about this with you. Go home.'

'OK,' said Marcus. 'But I'll be back.'

When Will had joined SPAT, he'd imagined entering the world of single mothers and their sweet children. He hadn't imagined Marcus, and he hadn't expected anyone to break into his world. He was one of life's visitors; he didn't want to be visited.

CHAPTER FIVE

New Trainers

Marcus knew that he couldn't make Will go out with his mum if Will didn't want to. But he knew Will's secret now, so perhaps he

could make him do something else. He started going round to Will's flat after school.

The first time, Will wasn't very pleased to see him. He stood in the doorway and didn't invite Marcus in.

'What?'

'I just thought I'd come round. What are you doing?'

'Watching Countdown!

Marcus knew about Countdown - the most boring programme in the history of television. But he wanted to get inside Will's flat.

'I could watch it with you if you want. I really like it.'

Will looked at him for a time. 'All right. Come in.'

There were lots of interesting things in Will's flat - hundreds of CDs, records and cassettes. There were pictures from films on the wall, and black and white photos of people with musical instruments.

'Who are these people? And why are they on your wall?'

'They're musicians. And they're on my wall because I like their music and they're cool.'

'Why are they cool?'

'I don't know. Because they took drugs and died, probably.'

Marcus thought he wouldn't want pictures on his wall of people who took drugs and died. He'd want to forget all about that kind of thing, not look at it every day of his life.

Will made tea in the kitchen. Then they went back into the living room and sat down on the sofa.

'Do you like school?' Will asked.

'No. I hate it.'

'Why? Do the other kids bully you?'

Marcus looked at him. How did he know that?

'Not really. Just a couple of kids.'

'What do they do to you?'

'Nothing really. Just, you know, say things about my hair and glasses. And my singing. Sometimes... I sing without noticing.' Will laughed. 'It's not funny.'

'I'm sorry. But you could do something about your hair. You could have it cut in the way you want it.'

'This is how I want it.'

'Why do you want your hair like that?'

'Because that's how it grows, and I hate going to the hairdresser.'

'I can see that. How often do you go?'

'Never. My mum cuts it.'

'Your mum? How old are you? Twelve? You're old enough to get your hair cut yourself. You could get married in four years' time. Will you let your mum cut your hair then?'

Marcus didn't think he'd be married in four years' time, but he understood what Will was telling him and knew that Will was right. But there was another way of looking at the situation. If his mum was going to cut his hair in four years' time, then she would still be alive.

Marcus visited Will a lot that autumn, and by about the third or fourth visit he felt that Will was getting used to him. They didn't talk about much at first, but one day Will said, 'How's the situation at home?' for no reason that Marcus could understand.

'You mean my mum?'

'Yes.'

'She's all right, thanks.'

Marcus had never talked about it, and he'd never said how he felt. But what he felt, all the time, every day, was a horrible fear. This was the main reason why he came round to Will's after school. Every time he climbed the stairs at home he remembered the Dead Duck Day. When he saw his mum watching the news or eating or preparing work on the dining table, he wanted to cry, or be sick or something. But he couldn't talk about it.

'Are you still worried about her?'

'A bit, when I think about it.'

'How often do you think about it?'

'I don't know.' He thought about it all the time, all the time, all the time. Could he say that to Will? He didn't know. He couldn't say it to his mum, or to his dad, or to Suzie. They would all be too worried about him. Hejust wanted a promise from someone, anyone, that it wouldn't happen again, ever, and no one could do that.

Will was wishing that he hadn't asked Marcus about Fiona, because it was clear that the boy was very upset. Will wasn't used to coping with people with real-life problems. He liked watching people's problems on TV, but he'd never had anyone with problems on his sofa before.

Sometimes they managed conversations about other things, like Marcus's dad.

'Do you see your dad often?'

'Quite often. Some weekends. He's got a girlfriend called Lindsey. She's nice.'

'Would you like to see him more than you do?'

'No.'

'Well, that's all right then.'

The next week, while Will was watching Countdown as usual, he was interrupted by a long, urgent ring on the doorbell. He got up off the sofa and opened the door. Marcus was standing on the doorstep, and two ugly-looking boys were throwing hard sweets at him. Some sweets hit Will.

'What do you think you're doing?' He couldn't remember the last time he had been so angry.

The boys ran away and Will went back into the flat. Marcus was sitting on the sofa watching Countdown.

'Who were they?'

'I don't know their names,' said Marcus, his eyes on the TV 'They're in the class two years above me at school.'

'Marcus, does this happen often?'

'Well, they've never thrown sweets at me before.'

'I'm not talking about the sweets. I'm talking about older kids bullying you.'

'Oh, yes. Not those two

'No, OK, not those two. But others like them.'

'Yes. Lots.'

'Right. That's what I've been trying to find out. Your problem is, Marcus, that you look different from other kids. That's why they notice you. You need to look more like them. You need the same clothes and haircut and glasses as everyone else. You can be as weird as you want on the inside. Just do something about the outside.'

Will took Marcus shopping in Holloway Road and bought him a pair of expensive Adidas trainers. Marcus thought they were cool, and Will was pleased. He couldn't remember feeling as good as this before. He had made an unhappy boy happy, and there hadn't been any advantage in it for him at all. He didn't even want to sleep with the boy's mother.

But the next day Marcus's new trainers were stolen. He came home from school wearing only a pair ofblack socks.

'Where are your shoes?' Fiona screamed. She hadn't noticed that he had been wearing new trainers.

'Stolen.'

'Stolen? Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?'

'Because...' He was going to have to tell her the truth, although he knew the truth would lead to a lot of questions. 'Because they were nice ones. They were new Adidas trainers. Will bought them for me.'

'Will who? Will, the guy who took us to lunch?'

'Yes. The guy from SPAT. He's become my friend.'

'He's become your friend?'

Marcus was right - his mum had lots of questions, but she

asked them in a very boring way. She just repeated the last thing he said, made it into a question and shouted.

'I go round to his flat after school.'

'YOU GO ROUND TO HIS FLAT AFTER SCHOOL?'

'Well, you see, he doesn't really have a kid.'

'HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A KID?'

When the questions had finished, he was in a lot of trouble, although probably not as much trouble as Will. Marcus put his old shoes back on, and then he and his mother went straight to Will's flat. Will opened the door and Fiona immediately started shouting at him about SPAT and his imaginary son. At first Will looked embarrassed - he had no answers to her questions, so he stood there staring at the floor. But as it continued, he started to get angry too.

'Why do you invite twelve-year-old boys round to tea-parties in your flat after school?' asked Fiona.

Will looked at her. 'Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?' He went red in the face and started shouting very loudly. 'Your son invites himself round here. Sometimes he's followed by other kids who attack him. I could leave him outside, but I let him in for his own safety. I won't do it again. Now, if you've finished, you can both get out of here.'

'I haven't finished yet, actually. Why did you buy him a pair of expensive trainers?'

'Because... because look at him.'

'What's wrong with him?'

Will looked at her. 'You really don't know, do you? Marcus is being eaten alive at school by the other kids. He gets bullied every day.'

'Marcus is doing fine,' his mother said.

Marcus couldn't believe she'd said that. He wasn't doing fine; his mum was being blind and stupid and crazy.

'You're joking,' said Will.

'I know he's taking some time to get used to his new school, but...'

Will laughed. 'Oh, yes. And after a couple of weeks he'll be OK? When they've stopped stealing his shoes and following him home from school, everything will be great.'

That was wrong. They were all mad. 'I don't think so,' said Marcus. 'It's going to take more than a couple of weeks.'

'It's OK, I know,' said Will. 'I was joking.'

Marcus didn't think there was much to joke about in the situation. But he was very pleased that Will understood what was happening to him at school. He'd only known Will for a short time, and he'd known his mother all his life. So why could Will understand, and his mother couldn't? But now his mother understood too, because Will had told her.

'You're not going to Will's again,' Fiona said to Marcus on the bus on the way home. 'If you've got anything to say, you say it to me. If you need new clothes, I'll get them.'

'But you don't know what I need, I don't know what I need. Only Will knows. He knows what kids wear.'

'We don't need that kind of person. We're doing all right our way. Marcus, I've been your mother for twelve years. I do know what I'm doing.'

Marcus didn't think either of them was doing all right. He wondered if his mother had a kind of plan for him. In the next few days he began to notice the way she talked to him. He was interested in everything she said about what he should watch on TV or listen to or read or eat.

She had always said it was important to talk about things, and that she wanted him to think for himself. They had often discussed what was bad about fashion and modern pop music and computer games. But if she didn't like what he said, she argued with him until he agreed with her. But he hadn't agreed, really; he'djust lost the argument.

'I've been thinking for myself,' he said,'and I want to go round to Will's flat after school.'

'No. He's a rich guy who doesn't work, who tells lies, and who...'

'He understands about school. He bought me those trainers. He knows things.' He was getting annoyed. 'I'm thinking for myself and... it doesn't work. You always win.'

'Marcus, it's not enough to tell me you're thinking for yourself. You've got to show me too. Give me a good reason why you want to go round to Will's.'

Marcus gave her a reason. It wasn't the right reason, and he felt bad saying it because it made her cry. But it was a good reason and he won the argument.

'Because I need a father.'

CHAPTER SIX

Ellie

Will hadn't seen Marcus for a week and hadn't thought about him much. He preferred watching Countdown alone anyway. Then Fiona phoned.

'Marcus seems to think he needs an adult male in his life. Like a father. He talked about you.'

'Listen, Fiona, I definitely don't need a son in my life. Why doesn't he use his own father as a father?'

'His father lives in Cambridge. It's a long way' 'You told me not to see Marcus again. Fine. I told you I didn't want to see Marcus again. And now you're telling me... I don't understand.'

'Listen,' said Fiona. 'Can we meet tomorrow night for a drink to discuss all this?'

They met in a quiet pub. Will had never been alone with Fiona before. He didn't find her attractive and he certainly didn't want to sleep with her. But conversations with her were never dull.

'I've always been worried about Marcus not having a father around,' said Fiona. 'But he's always told me it didn't matter. Then, when I said I didn't want him to see you, he said he needed a father.'

'He said that because he wanted to win the argument. Never trust a human male when he talks about his feelings.'

'Really? Well, maybe it's best if he doesn't see you.'

'What do you want me to do if he rings the doorbell?'

'Don't let him in.'

'Right.'

Marcus was waiting for Fiona at home. He didn't like the idea of his mum talking to Will because he'd stopped believing that he and his mum and Will and Ned were going to live together in Will's flat. Ned didn't exist, and Will and Fiona didn't like each other very much.

When Fiona came back, he looked at her face to see if she was angry or depressed, but she seemed OK.

'Did you have a good time?'

'It was OK. But you're not going round there again. He's not going to answer the door. He told me.'

Date: 2015-12-18; view: 645