Section 4. Rescued by My beloved

Elijah

As I mentioned in Chapter 9, the idea that Jesus truly was the Son of God brought to view a being that received everything from His Father and that His Father loved Him simply because He was His Son and not because of the gifts of power and position He possessed. This reality opened up two clear kingdoms.1

Despite the fact that I had been schooled in the arts of jest, metaphor, and drama, which in turn influenced me to avoid the literal reading of the Bible and desire to escape into different realities, the Word of my Beloved concerning what makes us valuable was slowly developing in my mind. I began to see the truth that:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. (9) For as the heavens

1. See my book Identity Wars chapter eight for an expansion of these kingdoms.

are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9.

Thus saith the LORD, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: (24) But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD. Jeremiah 9:23-24.

This new cornerstone began to reveal the teachings I believed in a completely new light.

The dawning of my perception that Jesus inherited all things as a gift of love and blessing caused the growth of understanding that many doctrines are also gifts of love from the Father through Christ. The power to keep the law and the Sabbath or to face the judgment does not come from within but from above. Even though I mentally understood this previously, I had held to a self-reliant Jesus as my Saviour, and therefore I unwittingly gravitated to that method of dealing with the law, Sabbath and Judgment. But each time I would meditate on these words: “And lo a voice from heaven, saying, ‘This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’” (Matthew 3:17) the more I could see that the ability to do what God required came from Him as a gift. As I moved from Bible teaching to Bible teaching I saw the love of the Father for me through His Son.

One day the thought struck me. What about the Trinity? Shouldn’t we study the Scriptures in light of what you have learnt about the two kingdoms? The thought immediately came to me. You don’t

want to go there! Then another thought more penetrating — Would a true Christian reject a call to study the Scriptures to prove all things? The very fact that I felt a fear to examine this subject told me that I needed to study it. I knew that any belief that pandered to fear was not a solid foundation. So I began to study the subject.

For some reason the words of John 5:26 jumped out at me.

For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself; John 5:26.

I had not been able to read this text literally before because doing so would have destroyed the principle of self-reliance. If self-reliance is the essence of divinity then it was impossible to read this text as meaning that the Father gave His Son to have life in Himself, suggesting self-existent life. Now it was so easy to read plainly. The second reason I could believe that God gave this to His Son is because Christ’s value as the Divine Son did not exist in His inherent qualities but in His relationship with His Father. This flash of light fully exposed the false amalgamation of Jesus I had held in my mind for so long. Suddenly the false Christ that had been preached to me, loved by me and worshipped by me was exposed. Jesus was not an expression of total self-reliance, He was a Son who loved His Father and received everything from Him.

Suddenly passages everywhere burst with light.

No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him. John 1:18.

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. John 17:3.

For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me. John 17:8.

The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of

God; Mark 1:1.

But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him. 1 Corinthians 8:6.

And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. (17) And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 16:16-17.

The LORD possessed me in the beginning of his way, before his works of old. (23) I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. (24) When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water. Proverbs 8:22-24.

God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, (2) Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; (3) Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high; (4) Being made so much better than the angels, as he hath by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they. Hebrews 1:1-4.

Ignited by the words declared at the baptism of Christ and fanned by the significance of the conflict with Satan over His Sonship, my mind exploded into an accelerated connecting of biblical dots that started to reveal the truth much more clearly. Several streams of thought converged and came to rest upon that one and only true cornerstone of the begotten Son–the blessed Son, the Son in whom the Father delights, the Son to whom was given everything the Father had, a Son of trusting, loving obedience to His Father’s absolute benevolent authority. I felt like Isaac Newton grasping the true significance of an apple falling to the ground.

At the completion of that time period, I vividly remember lifting my

head into the starry heavens and crying like the disciples:

We have found the Messias, which is, being interpreted, the Christ. John 1:41

The tears streamed from my eyes as I came to grips with the reality that I had found Him! I had truly found Him! The truth is that He found me, and how glad I was to be found. The begotten Son of God stood as a mighty Rock before me, and I determined there and then

to build my house upon this precious cornerstone. The tempter’s dark mists that had bound up my Beloved and locked Him away from me were stripped away by the glorious light of this Son of Inheritance. The voice of Elijah called deeply into my soul:

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: (6) And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. Malachi 4:5-6.

Indeed the spirit of Elijah had come and turned my heart towards the Father and His Son. My longing search for freedom from endless measurement and performance found its conclusion in the begotten Son of the Father who stands before Him as His delight without any reliance upon power, wisdom or wealth, but simply His blessed word of acceptance, love and delight.

As the true character and person of my Beloved took shape in the light of the plain testament of Scripture, so grew the sense of shame from the recognition of my love and illicit relations with the self-reliant imposter that had been courting me all my life. Caught in the grip of the three-in-One construction called the Trinity, I had unwittingly chosen Barabbas over my Beloved. I took the stinging shame of this idolatry to our Father and asked for forgiveness through the shed blood of my Beloved. Peace, joy and love flooded my soul, yet I was impressed to remember where I have come from in order that I might be gracious to others who have suffered the same fate as I had.

These days felt like my first love experience all over again when I stood before the altar of sacrifice and beheld my Beloved dying there for me. Now the context of that sacrifice presented to me as the real gift of the Father to win back His erring children. My learning experiences in the Holy Place with the lamp and the shewbread combined with the continual intercession of my Beloved prepared the way for Elijah to make a straight path for my feet and find the loving embrace of my Beloved.

I longed to enter the Most Holy Place with my Beloved but there were more obstacles that needed removing and more awareness of how much my idolatry had affected me.

LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? (2) He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. (3) He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. (4) In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not. (5) He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved. Psalms 15:1-5.

For so many years I had tried to build my house on my Beloved as well as the self-reliant tempter. There were wood and stubble in my foundation that needed cleansing so that I might walk uprightly, work righteousness and speak the truth in my heart. These tests would be the natural outworking of my willingness to confess my love for my Beloved before my brethren. Yet before I share with you some of these tests, I want to share with you some of the reasons I delight in my Beloved.

Altogether Lovely

My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. (11) His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven. (12) His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. (13) His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh. (14) His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. (15) His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. (16) His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Solomon 5:10-16.

It comes as a surprise to think that it would be impossible for God our Father to directly create the universe. Pardon? God can do anything, comes the response. The law of life for the universe dictates that the one who directly gives us life, is the one we aspire to be like.

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

If the government of the universe rested upon the shoulders of the Father, what would be the result? All the angelic host and created worlds would seek to emulate the Father. Yes, we can seek to be like Him in character, but at the deeper level of wanting to be like Him, we would stumble and fall. How so? The Father submits to no-one, obeys no-one, neither is taught nor instructed by anyone.

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! (34) For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? (35) Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? (36) For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen. Romans 11:33-36.

If the Father was presented before us as the cornerstone of how to live, we would seek to copy Him and become one who does not submit, obey or receive instruction. In our efforts to be like Him, we would naturally become the opposite and such is proved in the life of Satan who sought to be like the Most High.

The solution to this was for the Father to lay a cornerstone for the universe that He could build upon—One that the entire universe could look to as the example of how to live.

Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste. Isaiah 28:16.

In infinite wisdom, God brought forth a Son in His express image. He is God’s thoughts made audible. All the fullness of the Father’s divinity dwells in Him. He is given to have life in Himself as the Father does.

The LORD possessed me in the beginning of his way, before his works of old. (23) I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. (24) When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water. Proverbs 8:22-24.

Although the Son of God possessed all the power of His Father, yet we note of Him:

Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise. John 5:19.

The fact that the Son of God can look to His Father in submissive, loving obedience without the desire to emulate His position is one of the highest evidences of His divinity. If the Son were a created being and there were no other submissive example to follow, He would

naturally seek to be like the Most High in power and position as well as character. His eternal devotion to His Father is evidence enough that He is God’s thoughts made audible and that all the fullness of the Father dwells in Him.

Upon this cornerstone, God could build the universe. Every creature that came forth from the hand of His Son would be filled with the same submissive, obedient and trusting spirit as the One who made them.

But turning from all lesser representations, we behold God in Jesus. Looking unto Jesus we see that it is the glory of our God to give. “I do nothing of Myself,” said Christ; “the living Father hath sent Me, and I live by the Father.” “I seek not Mine own glory,” but the glory of Him that sent Me. John 8:28; 6:57; 8:50; 7:18. In these words is set forth the great principle which is the law of life for the universe. All things Christ received from God, but He took to give. So in the heavenly courts, in His ministry for all created beings: through the beloved Son, the Father’s life flows out to all; through the Son it returns, in praise and joyous service, a tide of love, to the great Source of all. And thus through Christ the circuit of beneficence is complete, representing the character of the great Giver, the law of life. Desire of Ages, page 21.

The begotten Son is the key to the whole universe holding together. It is the submissive, trusting Spirit of the Son that the Father sends forth into the hearts of all created beings.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6.

And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father. Galatians 4:6.

It is the Spirit of the begotten Son that turns the hearts of all creation to the Father who is the great source of all. It is His faith in His Father that is the fountain of my faith in the Father. As He is holy and righteous by faith in His Father, we pattern after this faith of Jesus and it becomes our faith. This is one of the most precious things about my Beloved. His character is one of trusting, loving submission to the Father.

As I allow my Beloved to take possession of my life, I am drawn to the Father. I feel my constant need for Him. All of this is a treasure, a gift from my Beloved. This is why the Father exalts His Son and gives Him a name above every name. This is why my Beloved is the everlasting Father of all those who submit to the One true God. This is the living water that He offers us to drink. In that water is a Spirit of faith that trusts the Father under all circumstances and it is that Spirit of faith that holds the universe together under God.

Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: (16) For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: (17) And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. (18) And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. (19) For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; Colossians 1:15-19.

As I meditate on these things, my heart grows warm and I cannot help but smile. The treasures of my Beloved are sweet. He keeps my heart safely trusting in His Father and fills me with contentment and peace. His faith becomes my faith by the Spirit.

The second treasure I have found in my Beloved is His blessing. The Father has blessed His Son and in the heart of my Beloved dwells the certainty that the Father delights in Him. How much would we be willing to pay for this spirit of resting in the Father’s delight?

And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved

Son, in whom I am well pleased. Matthew 3:17.

The delight of the Father becomes mine through my betrothal to His

Son.

To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. Ephesians 1:6.

I do not need to strive, nor achieve, nor display to the Father anything to win His approval. In having my Beloved, I have the Father’s delight. I sense God’s love for His Son in my heart.

Oh child of Adam, how do I find myself thus loved? There are no words that could be offered to express the feelings of my heart. The

Father delights in me! Yes, He delights in me, and I am acceptable to

Him because His Son is acceptable to Him.

The question is asked me:

What is thy beloved more than another beloved, O thou fairest among women? what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us? Song of Solomon 5:9.

My Beloved is more than any other because He shares with me the Father’s delight in Him. My childhood lover could not give me this treasure. He could only promise me the freedom to do whatever I pleased without any limits, yet all these have been proved to be lies. He has no treasure at all, and the god he presents to me is as solid as the shifting desert sands.

Like the woman at the well I was seeking for things that could not satisfy and then I heard my Saviour speaking “draw from My well that never shall run dry.”1

In these two things I find the sweetest treasures in my Beloved. The first is the submissive, trusting and obedient Spirit that comes as a natural inheritance to one who is begotten. The second is the delight and blessing of the Father upon His Son that my Beloved shares with me. This also is a natural consequence of His inheritance from the Father. The secret of both these treasures resides in the inheritance of my Beloved from the Father as His only begotten Son from eternity.

What price can you put on these treasures? They are worth more than all the gold and silver in the universe. This is the pearl of great price. Is He not worth selling all to obtain?

Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. (6) Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. (7) Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? Psalm 139:5-7.

His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Solomon 5:16.

1 from the song “Fill my cup Lord” by Richard Blanchard

Refiner’s Fire

When a person is in love, it’s impossible to hide. Even though I was aware that sharing my thoughts about my Beloved with my church would have serious consequences, yet to not share news of my Beloved had even greater consequences.

Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 10:32,33.

I was also impressed that I needed to submit my findings to my church both in love to them as well as testing whether I had possibly missed something. There were moments when the tempter would assail me with the taunting words “Who do you think you are to take this position? None of the leading men or even the non-leading men believe on this Son of God you adore. What if you have missed something? What if it’s all a mistake?”

I needed to allow my understanding to be challenged through a process of submitting myself to my elders. I needed to listen to whatever they would say and compare it with Scripture, then search my conscience as to whether I could still love my Beloved or whether He was a treasure only in my mind. I wanted to be sure. The human experience is vulnerable to many temptations and errors.

I was confident these thoughts came from my Beloved. He knew that I was setting my feet on a path that few men travel. I needed to be tested as to whether I was truly willing to walk with Him through this dark valley of separation, misunderstanding and contention.

I took my findings to the church leaders and asked them to examine them. I remember the day well; it was the day before my fortieth birthday. I had served the Trinity for forty years, and in submitting these things I was declaring my love and affection for my Beloved. He was worth the consequence of exposing myself to my brethren.

Shortly after, I received word that other sources were reporting that I had rejected the Trinity and some reports indicated that I no longer believed in the Holy Spirit. Some were approaching my friends and informing them of my “apostasy.” I felt really torn. I loved my friends, yet to try and explain to them would appear that I was trying to undermine the church. I told a few of my close friends and explained the situation. Two or three other friends rang me to learn what was going on.

This was a real test for me. I knew that false reports were circulating about my beliefs and motives, yet I could not ring my friends to tell them what was happening. I knelt before the Lord and said, “All my friends I give to you, and if they truly are my friends they will seek me out at some time in the future.” I had to pray this prayer often especially when I received reports of statements apparently made against me.

Slowly but surely, it became apparent that my reputation and standing in the church had been shredded. The silence cut deep into my heart. As day after day passed without word, contact or enquiry, I had time to ponder the cost of falling in love with the Son of God. Again I would ponder, What if you are wrong? I went to the Scriptures, and the conviction came back more firmly than before. I know this is right, the evidence is overwhelming. My conscience held fast to what the Bible plainly taught. I knew I could only be happy in following my conscience and doing what I was convicted was right.

Just under twelve months after I submitted my findings, I received a reply. The main question put to me related to whether I believed there was a time that the Son did not exist. I replied, that the Bible tells me that Jesus is both begotten and eternal. I accept both as facts; I don’t seek to penetrate the mystery of eternity in order to reject the clarity of the inheritance of the Son of God.

When I received the formal reply to my submission, I was told that the

committee found no light in what I suggested. I scanned the reply for

any biblical references that I could study and meditate upon. I could not find one Bible text, no quotation from my writings to indicate where I might have erred, only pronouncements about my findings.

I had fully set my heart to study any biblical guidance that was offered to me, yet there was nothing, nothing at all. Although I was not naïve to this probable outcome, like childbirth, when the event came, it hit with great intensity. I felt several emotions bubble up all at once in my soul. I prayed for peace, grace and love in my heart. Finally the peace came and the joy of my Beloved returned. I prayed “Father, I am willing to study anything from the Bible that those in authority would give me, but if I have made a mistake, the answer must come from the Bible.”

Again the question came to my mind, What if it’s all a mistake, what if you are wrong? I thought of my time in ministry and the loss of contact with my former colleagues. Part of me wanted to just forget what I was reading in the Bible and just admit I was wrong. Yet, I knew this was not the path to freedom. I could not deny my Beloved. He willingly went to the cross for me. He faced the most humiliating, shameful treatment for me, could I not endure a little humiliation for Him?

I took some time to meditate and pray. I wrote back to the church leaders asking them for a biblical response to my work. I prayed earnestly for a gracious and submissive spirit. I prayed that I would not write in any way to cause offense.

My mountain top experience of finding my Beloved, now presented the realities of my descent back into the valleys of life.

Then he began to go forward; but Discretion, Piety, Charity, and Prudence would accompany him down to the foot of the hill. So they went on together, reiterating their former discourses, till they came to go down the hill. Then said Christian, As it was difficult coming up, so, so far as I can see, it is dangerous going down. Yes, said Prudence, so it is; for it is a hard matter for a man to go down into the valley of Humiliation, as thou art now, and to catch no slip by the way; therefore, said they, we are come out to accompany thee down the hill. So he began to go down, but very warily; yet

he caught a slip or two. Pilgrim’s Progress Part One

Stage 4.

Six months later, I received a reply to my request for a biblical reply. In that reply were presented to me a list of texts apparently meaning that Jesus is not a Son by inheritance and that “Begotten” means unique. As I pondered and prayed over this reply, I was faced with the pronouncement that nothing I had said changed their view in regard to the Trinity.

The question was also put to me that I might be displaying an independent spirit. How does one respond to such a claim? Had not I challenged all my leaders and mentors? Is this not simply a desire for notoriety? Who do you think you are Adrian to manifest such audacity, cause so much pain and conflict, not only for yourself, but your family and friends? Is this Jesus you love real enough to be worth all this?

These thoughts swirled around in my mind back and forth, back and forth. I often found myself dreaming of my childhood and dwelling on carefree days when life had been so much easier. Our family actually moved to the home of my childhood for a period, partly for the benefits of mountain air, but partly so that I could dream of happier times and try and escape from my emotional conflict.

If I cared little for my church and my brethren, my soul would not have been tortured with thoughts of indecision over the correctness of my path. Was this Son, this Son by inheritance, really worth it? I had been wrong about other things, why not this thing? Part of me desired to be wrong, to go to sleep and wake up as I had been two or three years earlier, remembering nothing of the current trials and conflicts.

I then thought of my wife and children and how they would be

affected by the path I walk. As I thought of them, I remembered that:

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32.

I thought of my Beloved and all He had done for me. As I walked and talked with Him, I knew that I could never deny Him. He was confessing me before the Father day and night, and how could I show such base ingratitude to Him by refusing to accept the shame that follows those who confess the begotten Son?

I laboured in vain to see the biblical soundness of the arguments put to me. I could not with clear conscience deny what I had found and to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. I determined to follow the path of truth as I understood it for the sake of my Lord Jesus and for the sake of my family who would suffer terribly if I took the path of popularity and convenience. I determined with Paul:

But this I confess unto thee, that after the way which they call heresy, so worship I the God of my fathers, believing all things which are written in the law and in the prophets: Acts 24:14.

I wrote a month later in my response to the church:

I had tried my best to be open to whatever my brethren had presented to me and prayerfully consider it. Try as I might, I was unable to be reconciled to it. My understanding of the Father and Son in real terms had become the very centre of my theology and permeated every aspect of my belief system and therefore would underlay everything I present. I asked them to pray for me remembering that my conscience is the most precious commodity that I possess and I couldn’t violate it under any circumstances.

While I could not submit my conscience to any other man, my standing and reputation in the church was wholly in the hands of the church leadership. I was convicted that the safest path to follow was to submit myself to the church for whatever discipline they felt I needed. I loved my church and trusted that our Father who overrules all things would allow matters to occur precisely as He determined. My Beloved submitted Himself to those in authority over Him with meekness, gentleness and grace. I felt impressed that I should do likewise.

Towards the end of that year I received word that the church would be considering my removal as a minister of the church. Once again I went to my knees and prayed earnestly about my path. I read again the Bible, and my mind was more certain than ever that I had chosen the true Son of Scripture. As I prayed, I asked the Lord that if it were possible that I might have my position retained as I considered it a great privilege to be a minister of the church. Yet if this was required to be surrendered, I would do it cheerfully and without complaint. The Word came to me:

They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. (3) And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me. John 16:2-3.

If only they could know my heavenly Father and my Beloved, then they would know why I must walk this path, but they knew them not. Therefore I received the word in late December that year that I was no longer a minister of the Church. When the news came I felt no pain, no sorrow, and there were no tears. All this had been dealt with previously. Through this descent into humiliation and the fires of affliction there remained my Beloved and my Father in Heaven only. How sweet was their communion, how joyful I felt to know the things that I now understood.

I had firmly set my course despite trials and conflicts. I had faced my friends and my church and confessed my Lord Jesus. This process had revealed several character flaws and traits that needed consuming in the Refiner’s fire. Yet having set my path firmly towards the begotten Son, the love of my childhood and youth would not simply yield this decision without a protest.

Apollyon

APOLLYON: Whence came you, and whither are you

bound?

CHRISTIAN: I am come from the city of Destruction, which is the place of all evil, and I am going to the city of Zion.

APOLLYON: By this I perceive thou art one of my subjects; for all that country is mine, and I am the prince and god of it. How is it, then, that thou hast run away from thy king? Were it not that I hope thou mayest do me more service, I would strike thee now at one blow to the ground.

CHRISTIAN: I was, indeed, born in your dominions, but your service was hard, and your wages such as a man could not live on; for the wages of sin is death, Rom. 6:23; therefore, when I was come to years, I did, as other considerate persons do, look out if perhaps

I might mend myself.

APOLLYON: There is no prince that will thus lightly lose his subjects, neither will I as yet lose thee; Pilgrim’s Progress Stage Four.

After I received word that I was no longer a minister of the church, I determined to remain quiet. I did not trust myself to resist the possibility of expressing self-pity and trying to draw attention to my self-created plight. In this mode I continued for about a month, but then one morning I came under deep conviction that the public nature of my office required a public apology from me for my sin of

believing and promoting the Trinity. In the light of my Beloved and my Father, this sin appeared very grievous to me and I determined to do whatever was necessary to rectify my course. I wrote out a letter of apology and my confession concerning my Beloved. I sent it to many people who had been influenced by my ministry. I felt I owed them an apology. I also wrote to the churches I had pastored and asked them to accept my apology for teaching false doctrine.

With a wider public knowledge of my position, I felt the need to write several articles explaining my decision for my Beloved. A number welcomed my decision and praised the Lord until I explained that I still believed that God was leading our Church. My decision for my Beloved caused the loss of most of my friends in the church, and my decision in favour of the church caused the alienation of many who confessed a belief in the begotten Son.

Several times I questioned myself as to the necessity of alienating just about everybody. Surely there must be some secret motive that was even unknown to me! For a man who desired peace, love and friendship, why did I appear to be going in the opposite direction to all these people? I felt I could completely understand those observing my case who were passing judgment and concluding that I was simply a divisive trouble maker with nothing better to do with myself. I would be hard pressed not to come to that conclusion under

different circumstances. Yet, this was consequential to the sweet joy, peace and love I experienced with my Beloved. I did not seek a path of combat; I only desired to follow the melodious call of my Beloved.

Around this time, our younger son’s challenges with Autism appeared to be increasing. He became increasingly agitated and aggressive. At the same time I began to find it harder and harder to remain calm in the face of pressing situations. Without knowing it, our whole family had picked up a parasite from tank water and it was having a particularly severe impact on my younger son and me. At the same time we discovered that the house we were renting had a mould problem. This caused several issues for us as a family. We decided to move to a drier climate, still unaware of the parasite. The stress of dealing with the church combined with the effect of the parasite completely dismantled my nervous system. While in that state, my younger son was so overwhelmed with the same issue that

his frustration and pain boiled over into rage which led to several

aggressive displays of anger.

In my state of health and with the multiple layers of complexity involved in dealing with the church’s response to my love for my Beloved, I entered a very dark period for over a year. During this time, I was forced to pray earnestly for strength to just get through another day. I clung to the Psalms and pleaded with the Lord to help me. Just about everything seemed to collapse in on me, and I reached the place where I felt life was pointless. Yet still amidst all this tremendous conflict, the sweet comforting Spirit of Jesus would come, especially on Sabbath to help us. Oh how precious is the comfort of Jesus. He is my sweet Comforter in times of trial.

Often when I tried to write an article or share anything about what

I had learned, it seemed our house would be turned upside down.

We would fall to our knees and plead for help, and then relief would

come.

After many months of this crushing situation, I felt myself sink into a deep despair from which I thought I would not be able to escape. In that darkened state of mind, I heard the voice of the tempter speak to me. He suggested that God had forsaken me, and therefore why not forsake Him? I immediately discerned the voice, claimed the Scriptures and clung to Jesus. I would rather die than give up my Love for my Beloved. Apollyon, seeing my weakened state, now suggested that I forsake my Beloved. My weight had dropped to a point lower than my wife’s, yet still I clung to the mercies of my God, and I clung to the promise:

I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. (2) He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. (3) And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3.

My wife and I were both tested well beyond what we thought possible, and yet we were still in love with the Son of God. Shortly after these events, we discovered the parasite, received the appropriate treatment and began to regain health. Each day became a little easier and a little better. We learned by experience that if we

possessed anything in our home that did not honour God, we would have difficulty in the home. We prayerfully examined everything we owned and removed everything that would in any way reflect the spirit of the world.

Although this time was extremely challenging, we found many elements of dross were burned from our lives. Though the enemy sought to turn us out of the way of truth, our Beloved Saviour made our circumstances work together for good.

For every day that we have peace now, we know that the angels of our Heavenly Father are protecting and shielding us from harm. Our trials made us acutely aware of this loving protection. We do not take these things for granted as we once did.

Had we foreseen the path before us and the conflicts to be endured, our hearts would have fainted in anguish of spirit. Mercifully we were carried through these fiery trials without knowing what lay ahead of us. Taking one day at a time, we clung to our dear Father and His Son, trusting, believing and willing that at the time appointed, deliverance would come.

Then Apollyon, espying his opportunity, began to gather up close to Christian, and wrestling with him, gave him a dreadful fall; and with that Christian’s sword flew out of his hand. Then said Apollyon, I am sure of thee now: and with that he had almost pressed him to death, so that Christian began to despair of life. But, as God would have it, while Apollyon was fetching his last blow, thereby to make a full end of this good man, Christian nimbly reached out his hand for his sword, and caught it, saying, Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise, Mic. 7:8; and with that gave him a deadly thrust, which made him give back, as one that had received his mortal wound. Christian perceiving that, made at him again, saying, Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors, through Him that loved us. Rom. 8:37. And with that Apollyon spread forth his dragon wings, and sped him away, that Christian saw him no more. James 4:7.

In this combat no man can imagine, unless he had seen and heard, as I did, what yelling and hideous roaring Apollyon made all the time of the fight; he

spake like a dragon: and on the other side, what sighs and groans burst from Christian’s heart. I never saw him all the while give so much as one pleasant look, till he perceived he had wounded Apollyon with his two-edged sword; then, indeed, he did smile, and look upward! But it was the dreadfullest sight that ever I saw.

So when the battle was over, Christian said, I will here give thanks to him that hath delivered me out of the mouth of the lion, to him that did help me against Apollyon. Pilgrim’s Progress, Stage Four.

The Comforter

As we walk this pilgrim path and face various trials, there is one

consolation above all others that give comfort.

Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people. (18) For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted. Hebrews 2:17-18.

The Bible tells us that because Jesus has suffered being tempted He is able to succour (meaning aid or relieve) those who are tempted. Yet if Jesus is now in heaven interceding for us, how can He be the one to succour us? Jesus explained this very carefully to the disciples when He told them that He had to go away.

Simon Peter said unto him, Lord, whither goest thou? Jesus answered him, Whither I go, thou canst not follow me now; but thou shalt follow me afterwards. Peter said unto him, Lord, why cannot I follow thee now? I will lay down my life for thy sake. John 13:36,37.

Peter loved his Lord and did not want to be separated from Him. He sorrowfully asked Jesus why he could not follow Him. In the following chapters of John, Jesus explains to them how He will still be with them even though He must physically leave them.

Jesus tells the disciples not to be troubled in heart; He was going to

prepare a home for them and would return. Then from John 14:4-11,

Jesus explains His relationship to His Father and how He is the express

image of Him.

In verse six Jesus makes a very important statement that most are familiar with. He states that He is the way, the truth and the life. The fact that Jesus refers to Himself as the truth is very important in the coming verses.

As Jesus explains the closeness of His relationship to His Father He then tells the disciples to ask the Father in His name for anything they might need.

If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. John 14:14.

Let us remember that this whole discussion between Jesus and His disciples is taking place because they are troubled about His leaving them. It is upon this point that Jesus wishes to relieve their minds. He then states:

If ye love me, keep my commandments. (16) And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; (17) Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. (18) I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. John 14:15-18.

Jesus spoke of another Comforter that would come from the Father. Note carefully what Jesus said:

1. The Comforter is the Spirit of Truth

2. The world does not know Him

3. The disciples already know Him

4. He now dwells with them

5. He shall be in them

6. Jesus would not leave them comfortless

7. He Himself would come to them.

If Jesus is the truth then the Spirit of truth is the Spirit of Jesus. Jesus has not mentioned the Comforter before and yet He states that the disciples already know Him because He dwells with them. Who was the one who was dwelling with them? It was Jesus! Then Jesus makes it plain. He states that He would not leave them comfortless but rather He Himself would come to them.

Later in the chapter, Jesus calls the Comforter, the Holy Ghost or Holy

Spirit.

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26.

Why does Jesus sometimes speak as if He is coming to comfort them and then at other times seem to indicate that He is sending someone else? Jesus often spoke of Himself in the third person. Notice these verses:

Therefore, when he was gone out, Jesus said, Now is the Son of man glorified, and God is glorified in him. John 13:31.

I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth? Luke 18:8.

In these verses Jesus calls the Son of Man “he” and “him” yet He is

referring to Himself. This was a common practice for Jesus.

What else can we learn about the Holy Spirit? Notice these parallel

verses.

For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you. Matthew 10:20.

But when they shall lead you, and deliver you up, take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost. Mark 13:11.

Notice how the Holy Ghost in Mark 13:11 is called the Spirit of our

Father in Matthew 10:20. Jesus explained further to the disciples:

But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me: John 15:26.

The Holy Spirit proceeds forth from the Father and brings the personal presence of the Father and His Son. It is through the agency of the Holy Spirit that Jesus personally comes to us and comforts us. Notice how the Bible uses the words Spirit and presence in parallel.

Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee

from thy presence? Psalm 139:7.

It is for this reason that Paul uses several terms interchangeably.

But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of Goddwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. (10) And if Christbe in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spiritis life because of righteousness. Romans 8:9-10.

Notice the connections:

Spirit = Spirit of God = Spirit of Christ = Christ = Spirit

All these things tell us that through the Holy Spirit, Jesus can comfort and succour us directly. This wonderful gift flows forth from the throne of God like a mighty river and flows down into the hearts of all those who thirst for Christ.

And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb. Revelation 22:1.

In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. (38) He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. (39) (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.) John 7:37-39.

But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. John 4:14.

The living water that Jesus spoke about to the woman at the well was the special gift of His presence through the agency of the Spirit of God.

Do we understand how this works?

The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. John 3:8.

We do not know how Jesus comforts us through the Holy Spirit; we just know that He is the one who comes to us. Why is Jesus our comforter? The Bible tells us:

For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted. Hebrews 2:18.

This simple truth has been so precious to me. This is how I could truly come to know my Beloved. Without the Spirit of Truth I could not know Him who is the Truth. If the Spirit were a separate being as claimed in the Trinity then all the work of the Spirit would be a process of learning to know and love that being. Then it is not Jesus comforting us but another. Yet only Jesus knows how I feel so only He can truly comfort me.

The Trinity makes this whole process very complicated. Jesus said:

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13.

The Spirit does not speak of Himself, meaning that however the Spirit works, it is not our focus as a person separate from Christ, Christ is our focus, and Christ is our comforter.

I recall the first time that it hit me that Jesus was the one really present with me rather than some formless mysterious person that never walked in my flesh nor understood my temptations. I wept for joy at the simplicity of it. Just as Jesus had told the disciples not to allow their hearts to be troubled because He would come to them and comfort them, so also Christ now comes to us and comforts us in order that we might sup with Him and fellowship with Him.

Through my refining trial when confessing my Beloved and when facing Apollyon, my sweetest comfort was in knowing that Jesus was with me, encouraging me, supporting me, aiding me, strengthening me, loving me and blessing me. Oh what precious thoughts. Oh what glorious truth.

The coming of Elijah pointed out the two lovers seeking my hand, and thanks to the refining fiery trials, the barriers to my journey into the Most Holy were removed. Jesus says:

I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name. Revelation 3:8.

For those who do not deny the name of the Son of God, the door to the Most Holy stands open.

Interlude IV

My heart shall sing, my Beloved, for granting me understanding for why I kept losing you. My inheritance from Adam and the deceptive courtship practices of the tempter seduced me, confused me and saddened my heart. Though I had lost you, still I hoped.

Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women? whither is thy beloved turned aside? that we may seek him with thee. (2) My beloved is gone down into his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed in the gardens, and to gather lilies. (3) I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies. Song of Solomon 6:1-3.

In the refiner’s fire my heart is changed, my mind is renewed. By faith

I hear your words to me.

My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her. (10) Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners? (11) I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley, and to see whether the vine flourished, and the pomegranates budded. (12) Or ever I was aware, my soul made me like the chariots of Amminadib. (13) Return, return, O Shulamite; return, return, that we may look upon thee. What will ye see in the Shulamite? As it were the company of two armies. Song of Solomon 6:9-13.

I have returned, my Beloved, trusting that my garden of character has flourished and that you delight in me. The moon is a witness under

Interlude IV

my feet and the light of the Sun is my garment; upon my head rests a crown of twelve stars. The dragon sought to devour me, yet your staff and your rod they comfort me in the valley of the shadow of death. I sat at your banqueting table in the presence of mine enemies and your “banner over me was love.” “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”

Through the flames of affliction, my deep inward fear of your Father

surfaced. I wondered if He would accept me, would He bless the love

I feel for you? I knew you wished to take me to see Your Father in the

holiest place of all, yet my fears overwhelmed me and carried me

away.

When I heard the steps of Your Father moving towards the judgment seat, my heart sank within me. I feared He would separate us because of my sins! Yet by the comforting words of the voice in the wilderness, I have learned that Your Father is just like You; for You inherited all things from Him.

Now the steps of your Father towards judgment are not the steps of condemnation, but the steps towards His prodigal. His arms are open wide for me, my Beloved! Your Father loves me, my Beloved! Your Father accepts me, my Beloved! Truly He will bless our love for each other; surely He will betroth me to you.

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. (11) Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. (12) Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves. Song of Solomon 7:10-12.

Date: 2015-12-18; view: 581