Noughts & Crosses 5 page

'And why should I care what Lucas and his minions think of me?' I asked.

Plus I wasn't about to get kicked out of school for fighting. Mrs Paxton didn't put up with that from anyone, Nought or Cross. Getting booted out wasn't part of my five-year plan.

'You care too much about what other people think of you,' I said.

Callie's eyes carried enough mean heat to fry me where I stood. 'Don't you dare say that. I couldn't give a damn what Lucas and his cronies think of me. But I do care about being able to look at myself in the mirror.'

'Are you implying that I can't?'

Callie shook her head and returned to her locker.

'D'you think I'm weak, Callie?' I asked, no hint of a smile on my face.

Callie studied me. I wondered what she saw.

'Tell me the truth, Callie. D'you think I'm weak?'

Her answer mattered to me. Very much.

'D'you want me to be honest?' Callie asked at last.

Uh-oh! Whenever she asked that question it was because she knew I wouldn't like the answer. I nodded.

'Tobey, sometimes you look at me like you would stand beside me though any kind of rain, fire or shit storm. But sometimes, like today, I get the opposite feeling. Would the real Tobey Durbridge please stand up?'

'Is that a yes or a no?' I asked. Callie's words had scooped out a large part of my innards. I shut my locker door and waited for her to answer. She always did that. When it was something she didn't want to say or she thought I wouldn't want to hear, she danced around her answer until I pushed. And I was pushing.

'Tobey, what would you do if someone said something derogatory about . . . us? The two of us? Together?'

Callie's face was turned up towards mine, the question mark in her head darkening her eyes and straightening her lips. What was it she wanted to hear?

'Callie, I'm not about to take on every brainless git who doesn't like the idea of the two of us together. People can say what they like.'

'I see,' she said. She turned away, but not before I saw the disappointment on her face. She muttered something. All I heard was the word 'together'. I took hold of her arm and turned her round to face me.

'Callie, what d'you want me to do? Punch out every idiot we come across?'

'No. But it'd be nice to know you've got my back.'

'I do. Don't listen to Lucas.'

Callie opened her mouth to argue just as the buzzer for assembly sounded. The harsh cacophony silenced whatever it was that she had been about to say.

'Callie Rose, I do have your back. You believe me, don't you?'

'Callie, there you are. You'll never guess what I just heard . . .' Samantha Eccles – or Sammi, as everyone called her – appeared from nowhere to link arms with Callie and drag her away.

A couple of metres further down the corridor Callie said something to Sammi, before turning back to me.

'Tobey, d'you want me to answer your question?' she asked.

I nodded. Did she really think I was weak? I was about to find out.

'The honest answer is – the jury is still out.'

She and Sammi carried on walking.

I didn't need to switch to genius mode to know that in spite of my best efforts, I'd messed up.

Twelve. Callie

'Callie, are you even listening to me?' Sammi asked.

Not as such, no.

'Of course I am. Every word.'

'Yeah, right. What did I just say then?'

'Bliss is going round telling everyone how she and Lucas have a hot date this Saturday. He's taking her to the cinema and for a meal and to a party afterwards and it's going to be sooooooo divine.'

Sammi and I were the last ones to reach the athletics track. And I for one was glad to get there. Sammi had been going on about Lucas and Bliss for the last ten minutes, and to be honest, her assumption that I had to be upset was getting on my nerves. Mrs Halifax gave us a look, then tapped meaningfully at her watch, but for once she didn't have a go. The weather was over warm rather than over hot, so at least it wouldn't be like trying to exercise in an oven.

'Aren't you bothered?' Sammi whispered as we joined in with everyone else's warm-up exercises.

'Why should I be?' I frowned. Arms outstretched, I tipped over to one side then the other, stretching out my waist. What a waste of time. Compared to the physical training regimen the L.M. had put me through, this was a doddle.

'Well, you and Lucas used to be together.'

'With the emphasis on "used to be",' I pointed out. 'Lucas is free to go out with anyone he likes, though I pity his taste.'

'So it's definitely you and Tobey now, huh?'

'We'll be working on stamina today, so everyone five times around the track please,' Mrs Halifax called out.

Ignoring the groans coming from all directions, I immediately took off at a steady pace with Sammi beside me. I'd avoided her question rather nicely, I thought. Twenty steps later and Sammi was puffing like a faulty car exhaust.

'You . . .' – puff – '. . . didn't . . . answer . . . my question. Oh my God!' – wheeze – 'I'm dying!'

'Sammi, you need to exercise more and smoke less.' I frowned at her. 'Those cigarettes will kill you.'

'Answer . . . my . . . question . . .'

'What was it again?'

Sammi glared at me.

I smiled at her. 'Well, your nosiness, Tobey and I are just friends.'

'How boring,' said Sammi, disappointed.

Tell me about it!

'We shouldn't . . . have to run . . . in this heat . . .' Sammi rasped. 'This is . . . just cruel . . . and unusual . . . punishment.'

I took pity on her and eased my pace to a gentle jog, so gentle I was practically walking.

'You and Tobey . . .' – huff – 'd'you wish . . .' – puff – '. . . it was more?' Sammi asked.

I shrugged. Nana Meggie had a saying – if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I glanced at Sammi, trying hard to keep my face neutral. I was running at about onetenth of a kilometre an hour and Sammi was still having trouble.

'Why don't you just . . . tell him that?' Sammi coughed.

'It's not that simple,' I sighed. 'Tobey needs to figure it out for himself.'

'Oh, please. Callie, he's a guy. You'll have one foot in the grave before he catches on,' Sammi scoffed, finally getting her breath back.

'Then I'll wait.'

'You need to take him in hand, then take him to bed – not necessarily in that order,' said Sammi, winking at me.

'I don't think so.'

'I thought you liked him.'

I shrugged. 'I do. I more than like him. But that would be a bad idea.'

'Why?'

'If it doesn't work out, that's our friendship ruined. I don't want to risk that,' I admitted. 'Besides, there's no rush.'

'Except that Misty is determined to set more than just her eyes on Tobey,' said Sammi. 'So you'd better watch her – and him.'

'If Tobey really wants a girl who doesn't know a proton from a crouton, that's his business.'

'Wouldn't it bother you?'

Yes.

'No.'

'Misty says Tobey's one of the few boys in the school who knows what he's doing.'

'And the way she puts it about, she would know,' I replied with disdain.

This conversation was getting to me. I increased my pace, hoping Sammi would get too puffed out to talk so much.

'All I'm saying is' – wheeze – 'if you really like Tobey you'd better let him know and soon' – cough – 'or he's going to take what Misty keeps offering – if he hasn't already.'

'I'm not going to have sex with Tobey or any other guy just to keep him,' I argued. 'How pathetic is that. If that's what it takes then he's not worth having in the first place.'

'If you . . . say so,' wheezed Sammi doubtfully.

'I don't just say so, I mean so.'

I broke into a sprint which Sammi tried to match. There was no more talking as she tried to equal my pace. And she did try. But she didn't succeed. I finished my five laps with breath to spare. Sammi gave up after three, collapsed on the ground, and even Mrs Halifax's threat of a demerit slip couldn't shift her. By the time the lesson was over, I seriously wondered if Sammi was going to have a heart attack. We were back in the changing rooms getting dressed – well, most of us were. Sammi was sitting down with her head between her knees, dragging air into her burning lungs. I tied my jumper around my waist, before getting my bag out of my allocated PE locker. Glancing in the mirror, I saw my hair was all over the place. I used my fingers to unplait my ponytail, before digging out a comb. My hair reached well past my shoulder blades. During the forthcoming summer holidays I'd decided to get it cut short, more for convenience than any other reason. Plus Sammi reckoned short hair would suit the shape of my face.

'You should wear your hair loose more often,' Jennifer Dyer, one of my Nought friends, told me. 'It really suits you like that.'

'Thanks, but—'

'Nah, it looks much better plaited up,' Maxine, another friend, interrupted. 'You look too much like a blank— I mean, you look like a Nought with your hair loose.'

The changing room went quiet. Jennifer's face was bright red. I turned to glare at Maxine. What a bitch! 'It's only hair, Maxine. And luckily for me I can wear it any way I want to,' I told her, pulling my hair back into a ponytail and re-plaiting it. I smiled at Jennifer. She returned my smile, gave Maxine a filthy look and carried on getting dressed. Maybe I'd put off cutting it for a while. Then again, maybe I wouldn't.

Sammi began to straighten up. She looked almost human again. 'Running is for horses, not people,' she complained. 'And anyone with boobs bigger than a thirtytwo A should be excused from anything more strenuous than walking.'

I glanced down at my own boobs. According to Sammi's rule, I wouldn't have had one bit of serious exercise since I turned twelve.

'Callie, what's going to happen to the Isis Hotel bombing investigation now?' Talia asked, changing the subject.

My perplexed frown told her I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

Talia dug into her bag and pulled out her mobile phone. A couple of screen taps later and one of the latest news items of the day was displayed.

The Nought man caught up in the bomb blast which killed Jasmine Hadley has finally been identified as Robert Powers, who was a guest at the Isis Hotel. With no known links to the Liberation Militia, the authorities have concluded that Robert Powers was unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Though flying glass and debris caused a number of roadside injuries, the Isis Hotel outrage claimed only two lives.

'So are the authorities no closer to finding out who planted the bomb then?' asked Talia.

'How should I know?' I raised my gaze from her phone to ask.

'There's no need to snap my head off. I was only asking.' Talia frowned.

'Sorry, it's just . . . I'm sorry,' I blustered. 'I have to go now.'

Snatching up my bag, I walked away from my friends without a backward glance. I had to get out of there. Right away from all of them. I needed to be alone. Behind me, Sammi rounded on Talia.

'What the hell is wrong with you, Talia? Callie's grandmother died in that blast. D'you really think she wants to be reminded of that every two seconds?'

I didn't wait for Talia's answer. I ran as fast as my school bag slamming against my back would allow.

Robert Powers?

Who on earth was Robert Powers?

I'd assumed that the Nought man killed with Nana Jasmine was Uncle Jude. It had to be him. Did they find papers or a passport relating to Robert Powers on Uncle Jude's body? No, that couldn't be right. It would never have taken so long to identify him if they'd found identification papers. They must've had to reconstruct the Nought victim's jaw and teeth, and after that it was a question of finding the relevant dental records. And those records had revealed the dead man to be someone called Robert Powers. But Robert Powers and Jude McGregor had to be one and the same person. They just had to be. There was no other explanation.

Well, maybe just one . . .

What if it wasn't Uncle Jude who had died, but someone else? Oh, my God . . . What if some innocent man was in the wrong place at the wrong time and died because of the bomb I made?

And what if Uncle Jude was still alive?

Thirteen. Tobey

As soon as I got home from school, I fixed myself a quick snack of scrambled eggs and beans on toast, then tried to settle down to my homework. But chemistry just wasn't lighting my fire the way it usually did. My head was too crammed with other thoughts.

Money!

Damn it! I had none and there was no prospect of any forthcoming.

Heathcroft School had provided me with a full scholarship, but just living day to day cost money. I only ever went on school day trips. My mum's pockets weren't deep enough for fortnights away skiing or singing abroad with the school choir. I'd even had to turn down the odd birthday party invitation or two because I couldn't afford to buy a decent birthday present. If only I could get the image of Dan's watch out of my head. I wasn't jealous. That wasn't it. I didn't want to own a watch like it or a designer jacket or any of that other nonsense.

I just wanted my share.

I wanted the choices, the options that money would give me.

My mobile phone roused me out of my mega-brood. Who was phoning me? I wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. But it was Dan. I took the call.

'Hi, Dan. You OK?'

'I'm fine,' Dan replied, 'but I need your help.'

'Help with what?' I frowned.

'I need to make some deliveries before eight tonight and I won't be able to do them all by myself.'

'Dan, I've already told you I'm not working for McAuley. And I don't appreciate you dropping my name to him either.'

'I didn't drop your name.'

'McAuley cornered me on the street a couple of days ago and he knew all about me.'

'Not from me, he didn't,' Dan denied.

Hmmm . . .

'Or at least . . .'

'Yes?'

'Well, I might've mentioned you in passing as a friend of mine who's cat-clever, but that's all.'

'Dan, you arse. To someone like McAuley, that's enough,' I said. 'So you can forget it. I'm not doing a damned thing for that man.'

'You wouldn't be doing it for him. You'd be doing it for me. You just need to drop off two packages for me whilst I do the other three and—'

'Which part of "no" don't you understand? The N or the O?'

'Tobey, it's just packages. You drop them off and that's it.'

'Why can't you deliver them?'

'I told you. I have to be somewhere at eight o'clock and I won't make it without your help.'

'What's in the packages?'

'I don't get told and I'm not stupid enough to ask,' Dan replied. 'It's healthier that way.'

'No frickin' way, Dan. This conversation is over.' I was about to hang up on him, but what he said next brought the phone back to my ear.

'I'll pay you. I'll give you half of what I make tonight.'

Half my brain told me to hang up anyway. But the other half turned my left hand into a magnet and wouldn't let me put down my phone.

'How much are we talking about here?' I asked at last.

The figure Dan mentioned made me catch my breath. No wonder Dan could afford designer threads and top-of-the-range watches. It would take me six months at my Saturday job to make the kind of money he was talking about.

'Come on, Tobey. It's just two packages,' Dan cajoled. He could sense that I was wavering.

Not wavering but drowning.

'Just two packages . . .'

I was on dangerous ground now. In my mind, two deliveries was already turning into a few. If all I had to do was deliver a few packages, then really, where was the harm? In fact, if I delivered a limited number of Dan's packages, think of the money I'd make. Enough to pay my university fees. Enough to live off when I was studying. Enough.

I liked the sound of that word. Enough.

I had to admit, the spectre of bank loans that I might never be able to pay back and debts up to my eyebrows didn't appeal massively. But there was no way I'd get to go to university otherwise. Mum just didn't have the money. And I needed to go to university like I needed to breathe. For too many Noughts and for far too long, the door to higher education had been locked, sealed and bolted. But others had given up blood, sweat and rivers of tears to kick that door open for me. How could I not walk though it? Failure just wasn't an option.

And more immediately, with the currency Dan was talking about I could buy a store-bought birthday card and a proper present for Callie. She deserved so much more than I could give her and she never once threw that fact back in my face. I still had one last year at school, plus university to get through before I could even hope to start making serious money. So where was the harm?

I mean, how long before Callie got fed up with me because I couldn't afford to take her anywhere or buy her anything? How long before money came between us? I hated money. The lack of bits of metal and paper was ruling, not to mention ruining, my life. But this . . . Dan's packages . . . Dan's world . . . this was something else again.

'It's just two packages?' I said, holding my phone like it was the enemy.

'Yeah, just two. I'll give you the easiest two,' said Dan.

'Thanks, mate. I knew you wouldn't let me down.'

'You knew more than me then,' I said sourly. 'Where are you and what time do we do this?'

'I'm outside your front door and how does now sound?'

Like the beginning of a long, slippery slope.

I sighed. 'I'll be right out.'

After a moment's thought, I took my lightweight hooded jacket out of my wardrobe and headed downstairs. 'Mum, I'm going out for a while.'

'Have you finished your homework?' Mum emerged from the sitting room to ask.

'Yeah. It's all done except chemistry and that doesn't have to be handed in until next week.'

'Where're you going?'

'Just out with Dan.'

'Where to? Another football match?'

'No. Not today. We're just going to hang out for a while. After all, it is Friday.'

'Tobey, I don't know about this . . .'

'We won't be long. A couple of hours at most,' I tried to reassure her. 'We'll probably go for a meal or something.'

'What's Dan up to these days?' Mum asked.

'Same old, same old.'

'Is he still working for the postal service?' asked Mum.

'That's right,' I replied, feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

'How come you hang around with Dan more than your other friends from school?'

That wasn't true. That was just Mum's perception 'cause she wasn't keen on Dan.

'Dan's been my friend since infant school.' I shrugged. 'Just because he didn't get into Heathcroft doesn't mean I'm going to drop him.' Besides, I didn't have to try to be something I wasn't when I was with him. At least, that's how I used to feel. I wasn't so sure any more. Now it felt like I needed to work out who I was, rather than who I wasn't. I wasn't the same Tobey I was six years ago. I'd changed. Dan hadn't.

Mum scrutinized me. 'All right, then. I'll see you later. Just . . . just keep your head down. OK? And if you see any trouble . . .'

'Walk away.' I finished Mum's mantra. 'I'll do my best.'

'Better than your best, Tobey,' she retorted. 'I don't want the police knocking on my door – for any reason. Understand?'

I nodded and headed out the door before Mum could say anything else.

Keep your head down . . .

I'd bet my next ten Saturday job pay packets that Lucas Cheshie was never told to keep his head down. I bet he was always told to do the exact opposite.

Dan wasn't lying. He stood outside my front door, bouncing impatiently from foot to foot. We immediately headed off along the street.

'Thanks, mate,' said Dan.

I nodded, ignoring the gnawing in my gut that kept telling me this was a really bad idea. Anything could happen.

If I got caught . . .

But all that money . . .

'Dan, I'm just helping you out because I need the money. OK? I don't intend for this to become a habit.'

Dan raised appeasing hands. 'Don't worry, blanker. I know you're just helping out a mate.' He grinned at me. 'But I really wouldn't mind your help on a few other deliveries I got lined up over the coming weeks. And at least I know I can trust you. You'd get fifty per cent of everything I make and that's more than I'd do for anyone else. Can't say fairer than that.'

'No, Dan.'

'You say no, but your empty pockets say yes. And after all, the desire for money is the most infectious disease on the planet.'

'It's not a disease I intend to catch. I need some money to tide me over and then that's it,' I told him.

'Whatever you say, Tobey.' The smug grin on his face was very eloquent.

'This is just to buy a belated birthday present for Callie,' I insisted. 'I'm not thinking beyond that at the moment.'

Dan smiled at me. We both knew that wasn't true.

Fourteen. Callie

After school, I couldn't bear to face anyone so I hid away in the library for over half an hour, hoping that by then I'd be able to walk home in peace. I didn't want to be with anyone. I just wanted to be left alone, to think. I headed out of the school gates, every thought finding its way back to Uncle Jude. What if . . . ? What if he really was still alive?

'Callie Rose. Wait up.'

I turned round at the sound of my name. Lucas. I glared at him as he came running up to me, not bothering to disguise exactly what I thought of him.

'Hi, Callie,' he said diffidently.

'Hello, Lucas,' I replied. My tone could've frozen water. What did he want?

'I'm having a birthday party next week. Would you like to come?'

'Why?'

Lucas blinked in surprise at my question. 'What d'you mean?'

'Why're you inviting me?'

''Cause I'd like you to be there,' said Lucas, as if the answer was obvious.

But it wasn't, at least not to me.

'I'm not turning up at your party so you and your friends can make jokes at my expense,' I told him straight.

'We wouldn't do that.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'OK, I wouldn't do that. And I wouldn't let my friends do it either.'

'Yeah, I was very impressed with the way you reined them in this morning,' I said with contempt.

'I'm sorry about that,' Lucas said. 'I was just . . . I'm sorry.'

'You were just – what?' I prompted.

'I hate seeing you two together,' said Lucas. 'Tobey is trouble and you're going to get hurt.'

'What're you on about? Tobey is my friend. And my next-door neighbour. He wouldn't hurt a fly.'

'He's a Nought.'

Lucas had better not be saying what I thought he was saying. 'So?'

'Well, you're a Cross. It doesn't hurt Tobey's street cred to have everyone think of you as his girlfriend.'

I was a Cross now, was I? Funny how my status seemed to change depending on the eyes of the beholder. To Drew I was a Nought and would never be anything else. Lucas called me a Cross. Where did that leave me? On one side or the other or stuck somewhere in the middle?

'Lucas, what's your point?'

'I'm just trying to warn you to be on your guard. Tobey isn't the open book you seem to think he is.'

I shook my head, trying to figure out just what Lucas was playing at. Was it malice? Jealousy? What?

'And you know Tobey is with Misty, don't you?' Lucas continued. 'Everyone in the school knows those two are an item.'

Well, Misty had told enough people, so that was hardly news.

'What's that got to do with me? I told you Tobey and I are just good friends,' I replied.

'The way you and I used to be "just good friends"?'

I frowned at Lucas. Where was he going with all this?

His eyes slowly narrowed. 'Or maybe Drew was right. Maybe us Crosses just aren't your thing.'

'Excuse me?'

Us Crosses? Lucas's exclusive club of which I was no longer a member? It hadn't taken much to get me kicked out.

'I guess you're more like your mother than I gave you credit for,' said Lucas.

I straightened up, trying to quash the tidal wave of hurt rising inside me. 'And that, Lucas, is why you and I together will never work,' I said quietly. 'Say what you like about Tobey, but he'd never, ever say something like that to me.'

Lucas looked genuinely remorseful, but it was far too little, much too late. He put out his hand to touch my cheek, but I flinched away from him. 'I'm sorry, Callie. That was . . . I didn't mean it.'

'Yes, you did,' I replied. 'You always make me feel like I have to constantly apologize for my mum and dad and for being who and what I am. Well, I'm not going to, not any more.'

I stepped round Lucas and this time he didn't try to stop me. A couple of steps on and I turned back. 'Lucas, you've never made me feel more than I am. But for your information, Tobey never makes me feel less. So thanks for your party invitation, but I think I'll pass.'

I headed home without another backward glance. Why did life have to be so complicated? Tears pricked at my eyes. First the news about Uncle Jude, then Lucas. What would Lucas say if he knew about my uncle? Probably think he'd had a lucky escape? Judge me as guilty by association? Or just guilty full stop?

Uncle Jude . . . Was he out there somewhere? Watching? Waiting? My uncle occupied every thought all the way home. Much as Lucas's words had hurt, Uncle Jude had the power to hurt me more. So where was he? Just waiting for the right moment to do the maximum amount of damage? He was really good at that.

Where was he?

'Hello, Ann. Is Tobey in?'

Tobey's mum shook her head. 'You've missed him by about twenty minutes. He went off somewhere with his friend Dan.'

'D'you know where?'

Ann shook her head again. 'Callie, are you OK? You look . . . out of sorts.'

My attempted smile slid right off my face. 'I'm fine. I just wanted . . . to talk to Tobey.'

'D'you want to come in and wait for him?'

I shook my head.

'He'll be back in a couple of hours if you want to come back then,' Ann told me. 'Jessica's off to a party later and I've got to go to work.'

Tobey's mum worked all kinds of unsocial hours. She was used to me coming and going in her house, just as Tobey treated my house like his second home. That's the way it had always been. Tobey's dad had gone off years before to 'find himself ' and he'd stayed lost ever since. Jessica only mentioned him to curse him to hell and back. Tobey never mentioned him at all.

'If Tobey isn't in by the time you come round again, just use the spare key.' Ann lowered her voice even though there was no one around us. 'It's in its usual place.' Its usual place being under one of the plant pots in the tiny front garden.

'Thanks, Ann.'

'No problem. I'd much rather Tobey hung around with you than Dan. I don't trust Dan.'

'Why not?' I asked.

'Every time he comes into this house, he's always telling me how much everything cost – as if I didn't know already. Dan is a boy who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.'

I smiled faintly. I wasn't particularly keen on Dan either. Every time we met, he looked me up and down like he was working out how best to dissect me.

'If you see Tobey before I do, tell him I've left him some chilli in the fridge if he's still hungry. He just needs to heat it up. That goes for you too, Callie. Help yourself if you're hungry.'

'Thanks, I will,' I replied.

I turned round to head back home. Usually I would stand and chat with Ann, but not now, not today. Even though Tobey and I lived next door to each other, I still turned my head this way and that to see if I was being watched. Was Uncle Jude out there somewhere watching my every move? I shook my head, warning myself not to be so paranoid. It didn't help.

Usually I didn't mind coming home to an empty house – not that it happened that often. But today I did. The silence bounced off the walls and echoed around me.

I went straight up to my room. Sitting on my bed, I drew my legs up so that I could wrap my arms around them and rested my head on my knees.

Should I ask Nana Meggie when she got back home? Surely Uncle Jude would've got in touch with her by now? She was probably the only one on the planet who truly knew if Uncle Jude was alive or dead.

The bomb I'd made had killed an innocent man.

Uncle Jude could be out there, somewhere.

Date: 2015-12-18; view: 545