Wednesday 20th March

Mr Hall casually mentioned that our three-day hike next term involves carrying a 15kg backpack over 60km in three days! Even worse is that we have to set up camp in pairs and will have no staff guidance or help. Judging by my lack of camping ability there’s a good chance I’ll die of frostbite or get my face eaten off by a pack of jackals!

Viking gave me a list of classic plays. I spent the afternoon hunting them down in the library. I plan to spend the holiday reading classic plays and preparing for my next great stage performance.

Thursday 21st March

Mom called to say that she had taken Wombat to see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, the wily Wombat was completely sane as soon as they got there and never once even repeated herself. The shrink told Mom there was nothing wrong with Wombat and that Mom was overreacting. Mom said she then went back to Wombat’s flat and found twelve bottles of White Horse whisky in the fridge. She also found a plate of kippers and mouldy mashed potato under Wombat’s bed. Wombat was outraged, blamed Buster Cracknell, and tried to phone the police.

Sunday 24th March

The social at St Joan’s on Saturday didn’t go very well.

FATTY Was warned for stealing food – the school matron caught him loading up sausage rolls into his tog bag. SIMON Spent the entire night romping in a matric girl’s room. RAMBO Got serious bat from a blonde girl and spent the night trying to cause a fight with boys from Blacksmith College. MAD DOG Was locked in the school bus within five minutes of arriving after pretending to wank in front of a group of girls. He then caused quite a bit of damage to the bus. BOGGO Reckons he has met the love of his life. Her name is Ali and she’s an 8 out of 10. He says they nearly kissed. VERN Spent the night dancing by himself. His dancing was so spasmodic that it was too embarrassing to let on that we knew him. ROGER Missed the social and spent the night in Vern’s locker snuggled in his underpants. (Roger refuses to sleep on anything except underpants. When Vern has run out of jocks he moves onto Vern’s shorts cupboard. Boggo reckons it’s a very controversial sign even by cat standards.) SPUD Spent the whole night unsuccessfully trying to make eye contact with a beautiful girl with long blonde hair. The sex auction was a bit disappointing. Simon offered up a 32B black bra which Boggo bought for twenty bucks. Vern offered up a rucksack with a girl’s school books and dirty hockey clothes. Boggo accused him of theft and paid him five bucks for the whole lot.

Mom phoned from a call box to report that the home phone isn’t working. Mom blames Dad who made ‘a complete balls-up’ of the electric fence. I could hear muffled banging and shouting from outside the call box. Clearly Dad doesn’t agree. Mom also reckons she’s taking Wombat to a friend who’s a spiritual healer. I think Mom’s terrified she will have to send Wombat to the nut house and Dad’s petrified that Wombat will come and live with us.

Monday 25th March

Emberton whacked my locker with his sugar cane and told me I had a phone call. I rushed down the stairs, picked up the phone and heard some frantic grovelling for coins and angry muttering about Telkom being infiltrated by left wing radicals. Then there was loud tapping and scuffling followed by a huge bang, and then the line went dead. I think it’s safe to say the call box is now out of order as well.

Spent the entire afternoon at choir practice. Julian is behaving like a man possessed. We leave for Johannesburg on Friday and clearly perfection isn’t good enough for him!

Tuesday 26th March

Mom called from Marge’s house. I kept listening for background voices but there were none. I could exactly picture Mom sitting in the dining room talking to me on Mermaid’s phone. She reckons the home phone is still broken and that Dad is considering a violent protest march on the nearest Telkom office. Yesterday she took Wombat to the spiritual healer who said Wombat has Cabin Fever. According to the spiritual guru, Cabin Fever is when you stay in the same place for too long and your cheese starts slipping off your cracker. Unfortunately, the next sentence gave me the worst news since the 15th February.

Mom and Wombat are coming to Joburg to follow the choir tour!

I felt a sharp pain in my head followed by a tidal wave of nausea.

SHIT!

Date: 2015-12-17; view: 575