Gone, but Not Forgotten 29

There was one more thing I wanted to do in Ilium. I wanted to get a photograph of the old man’s tomb. So I went back to my room, found Sandra gone, picked up my camera, hired a cab.

Sleet was still coming down, acid and gray. I thought the old man’s tombstone in all that sleet might photograph pretty well, might even make a good picture for the jacket of The Day the World Ended .

The custodian at the cemetery gate told me how to find the Hoenikker burial plot. “Can’t miss it,” he said. “It’s got the biggest marker in the place.”

He did not lie. The marker was an alabaster phallus twenty feet high and three feet thick. It was plastered with sleet.

“By God,” I exclaimed, getting out of the cab with my camera, “how’s that for a suitable memorial to a father of the atom bomb?” I laughed.

I asked the driver if he’d mind standing by the monument in order to give some idea of scale. And then I asked him to wipe away some of the sleet so the name of the deceased would show.

He did so.

And there on the shaft in letters six inches high, so help me God, was the word:

MOTHER

Only Sleeping 30

“Mother?” asked the driver, incredulously.

I wiped away more sleet and uncovered this poem:

Mother, Mother, how I pray

For you to guard us every day.

—Angela Hoenikker

And under this poem was yet another;

You are not dead,

But only sleeping.

We should smile,

And stop our weeping.

—Franklin Hoenikker

And underneath this, inset in the shaft, was a square of cement bearing the imprint of an infant’s hand. Beneath the imprint were the words:

Baby Newt.

“If that’s Mother,” said the driver, “what in hell could they have raised over Father?” He made an obscene suggestion as to what the appropriate marker might be.

We found Father close by. His memorial — as specified in his will, I later discovered — was a marble cube forty centimeters on each side.

“FATHER,” it said.

Another Breed 31

As we were leaving the cemetery the driver of the cab worried about the condition of his own mother’s grave. He asked if I would mind taking a short detour to look at it.

It was a pathetic little stone that marked his mother— not that it mattered.

And the driver asked me if I would mind another brief detour, this time to a tombstone salesroom across the street from the cemetery.

I wasn’t a Bokononist then, so I agreed with some peevishness. As a Bokononist, of course, I would have agreed gaily to go anywhere anyone suggested. As Bokonon says: “Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.”

The name of the tombstone establishment was Avram Breed and Sons. As the driver talked to the salesman I wandered among the monuments — blank monuments, monuments in memory of nothing so far.

I found a little institutional joke in the showroom: over a stone angel hung mistletoe. Cedar boughs were heaped on her pedestal, and around her marble throat was a necklace of Christmas tree lamps.

“How much for her?” I asked the salesman.

“Not for sale. She’s a hundred years old. My greatgrandfather, Avram Breed, carved her.”

“This business is that old?”

“That’s right.”

“And you’re a Breed?”

“The fourth generation in this location.”

“Any relation to Dr. Asa Breed, the director of the Research Laboratory?”

“His brother.” He said his name was Marvin Breed.

“It’s a small world,” I observed.

“When you put it in a cemetery, it is.” Marvin Breed was a sleek and vulgar, a smart and sentimental man.

Dynamite Money 32

“I just came from your brother’s office. I’m a writer. I was interviewing him about Dr. Hoenikker,” I said to Marvin Breed.

“There was one queer son of a bitch. Not my brother; I mean Hoenikker.”

“Did you sell him that monument for his wife?”

“I sold his kids that. He didn’t have anything to do with it. He never got around to putting any kind of marker on her grave. And then, after she’d been dead for a year or more, Hoenikker’s three kids came in here — the big tall girl, the boy, and the little baby. They wanted the biggest stone money could buy, and the two older ones had poems they’d written. They wanted the poems on the stone.

“You can laugh at that stone, if you want to,” said Marvin Breed, “but those kids got more consolation out of that than anything else money could have bought. They used to come and look at it and put flowers on it I-don’t-know-how-many-times a year.”

“It must have cost a lot.”

“Nobel Prize money bought it. Two things that money bought: a cottage on Cape Cod and that monument.”

“Dynamite money,” I marveled, thinking of the violence of dynamite and the absolute repose of a tombstone and a summer home.

“What?”

“Nobel invented dynamite.”

“Well, I guess it takes all kinds…”

Had I been a Bokononist then, pondering the miraculously intricate chain of events that had brought dynamite money to that particular tombstone company, I might have whispered, “Busy, busy, busy.”

Busy, busy, busy , is what we Bokononists whisper whenever we think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.

But all I could say as a Christian then was, “Life is sure funny sometimes.”

“And sometimes it isn’t,” said Marvin Breed.

Date: 2015-12-17; view: 504