She can't. They'll look fantastic. "The timber shelves in clear lacquered beech veneer with six castors and a TV bench."
ANNIE
Ooh! Now, where shall we begin?
BRIDGET
Annie, it's easy. Rule number one: always read the instructions first.
ANNIE
Well, that will only take a week.
BRIDGET
OK, let's have a drink before we begin. Milk, Annie?
ANNIE
Yes, please.
BRIDGET
“I owe you, Nick.”
There! Well, no milk. Would you like some sparkling water?
ANNIE
Right.
BRIDGET
"I owe you, Nick." "I owe you, Nick." "I owe you, Nick!" How dare he? Aha!
Would you like some cola?
NICK
Thanks, Bridget, I was looking for that.
BRIDGET
Nick!
NICK
Huh? Sorry.
BRIDGET
Add it to the list.
Or ask your flat mate to buy your food.
NICK
Huh? Wow!
BRIDGET
You didn't know Hector was rich?
NICK
No.
BRIDGET
I'll speak to you later!
HECTOR
Wow, what are all these boxes?
ANNIE
Our new shelves, Hector.
HECTOR
I can help you build them. Where are the instructions?
NICK
Hector, my friend, rule number one: never read the instructions.
ANNIE
Ohhh, I see you have a note from our new landlady then.
BRIDGET
Eunice Mountain!
NICK
Eunice Mountain. I bet she's the same size. [Sound of intercom buzzing] Hello? It's Eunice Mountain. Who am I? I'm Nick, from Flat B. Oh, you want Flat A? This is... [Sound of intercom buzzing] Hello? Yes, this is Flat A. Yes, I am Nick from Flat B. Yes, I know this isn't my flat.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
I want to see you downstairs - now!
NICK
Sorry. OK. Right away.
BRIDGET
Well?
NICK
Eunice Mountain wants to see me downstairs now.
HECTOR
Oh, bad luck, man.
ANNIE
Oh dear.
BRIDGET
Ask her if she has any milk, bread and biscuits.
NICK
Ha-ha..
ANNIE
OK, so: "First open box A and take out shelf number 1."
BRIDGET
But which is box A?
HECTOR
This is box C.
ANNIE
And I've got box D.
HECTOR
Ah, I've got it. This is shelf number 1.
ANNIE
No, Hector. This is shelf number 1.
BRIDGET
No, this is shelf number 1.
ANNIE
Oh, this is a nightmare.
HECTOR
OK, Annie, read out the instructions.
ANNIE [Reading instructions]
"Put shelf 1 against the wall."
Hector, I think the books will fall off.
Sound of door to flat opening and closing
BRIDGET
So what's Eunice Mountain like?
NICK
You know, not bad.
HECTOR
Are you in trouble?
NICK
Probably.
HECTOR
I've got it - put pole B on the left and pole A on the right and the shelf on top. Bridget.
BRIDGET
Like this, Hector? Have you put up shelves before, Hector?
HECTOR
Many times.
BRIDGET
Or do your servants do it for you?
NICK
I'll do it!
HECTOR
No, no, no, I'll do it.
NICK
Drop! Drop! Ha! I laugh at instructions.
BRIDGET
Oh, that was clever.
HECTOR
It's OK. I can straighten it.
NICK
Aha! Stand back and watch the master at work!
Sound of wood being sawed
NICK
Da-daaa!
ANNIE
Oh, well done, Nick.
BRIDGET
Hmm.
HECTOR
Wow!
BRIDGET
So where does this piece go?
Sound of knocking on door
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Hi, I'm Eunice Mountain, your new landlady.
BRIDGET [Composing email]
‘Anyway, guess what I have discovered?
Hector's family - the Romero Family - is one of the richest in Argentina!
Can you believe it?!’
NICK
Wow!
ANNIE [Composing email]
‘The good news is: our landlady has gone on holiday!
The bad news is: her cousin - Eunice Mountain - is our temporary landlady.
She sounds awful.’
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Hi.
BRIDGET
Hello. I, I, I, I am Bridget, and this is Annie.
ANNIE
Hello.
BRIDGET
And this is Hector from Argentina.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Well, hello, Hector.
BRIDGET
Hector lives next door with Nick.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
I've met Nick already, haven't I, Nick.
NICK
Oh yes, that's right.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Hmm, we need to talk about your rent - in private.
NICK
Gre-at – uhhh!!
HECTOR [Reading instructions]
"Measure the distance between the shelves." Oh. Aha. Annie, hold this, please. Aha, that's it, uh-huh. And this should be it!
ANNIE
Hector, do you think that's correct? These shelves are for mice.
BRIDGET
Can I speak to you please, Hector?
HECTOR
Hmm?
BRIDGET
So, Hector, one of the richest families in Argentina, the Romero family.
There you are, Hector! So why the secret?
HECTOR
Because I wanted you to like me, not my money.
BRIDGET
Oh Hector, of course I do. Who else knows?
HECTOR
Nick.
BRIDGET
I thought so.
HECTOR
But not Annie. Don't tell Annie - yet.
BRIDGET
Why, Hector?
HECTOR
Because Bridget, I ..., because...
BRIDGET
Yes?
HECTOR
Because I - I am in love with Annie.
NICK
Nick has entered the building!
BRIDGET
So where are you going looking like John Travolta?
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
He has a date with me, haven't you, darling.
HECTOR
Another date?
BRIDGET
But that's three times this week!
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Four.
We've been to dinner, to the theatre, to the cinema and last night - salsa dancing!
BRIDGET
Can you salsa?
NICK & EUNICE
Whooo!!!
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
I am the salsa queen!
BRIDGET
Yeah, with two left feet.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Pardon?
BRIDGET
Nothing.
HECTOR
It sounds great.
BRIDGET
What is it tonight?
Ping pong?
NICK
Tonight's it's karaoke.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
And I am the karaoke queen! Let's go.
Bye! “I love yo-u-u!”
BRIDGET [Mimicking Eunice]
"I am the karaoke queen!"
I bet she sings like a toad.
ANNIE
So, Hector, where were we?
HECTOR
OK, I think I've got it, Annie.
Assorted b/g noises/music
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
I did knock, but the music was so loud, you didn't hear me. I thought we'd have a little chat. Rule number two: no underwear on the radiator.
ANNIE
Oh, well, it's dry now. Give it to me. Give it to...., thank you.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
Let me repeat the rules.
No parties and no visitors, especially boys.
Especially boys from next door.
Especially Nick. He's mine!
Get the message?
ANNIE
Erm, yeah, we get the message.
EUNICE MOUNTAIN
See you later. Oh, by the way, that shelf is not straight. Bye!
BRIDGET
Well, I have never!
What does she..., who does she think she is?
ANNIE
The landlady's cousin?
BRIDGET
Oooh, I know that, but no Hector and no Nick? How dare she?