Love and money: welcome to a marriage agency

"first world" countries and "third world" ones. International marriage agencies also exploit gender inequality. You can hardly find a better place to understand the connection between gender and economy, and the myths that surround them.

It is well known that the demand to go abroad is quite high in Ukraine, and that there are businesses which take advantage of this demand. However, international marriage agencies are probably the most morally dubious of these businesses, as they are based not only on a widespread desire to emi­grate, prompted by Ukrainian poverty, but also on old gender stereotypes and on a view of women as economic objects.

This is apparent from the fact that the agency only makes a profit from its male, foreign clients, while Ukrainian women, who do not pay for the service, are in effect a commodity, to be sold at a profit.

It's also apparent from the organiza­tion of the so-called "socials" at which foreign clients and women meet. In the center of the hall there are several dozen tables occupied by the clients (often gray-haired gentlemen well advanced in years) and interpreters. Some two or three hundred women prop up the walls; from time to time the bravest ones walk around, trying to attract attention. If a client is inter­ested in a particular woman, his inter­preter invites her to their table and they" get "acquainted in £ rS-minule conversation. And again and again. In the evening, each man invites a woman to a restaurant, and after that... God knows what they're doing afterwards, but it seems everyone is satisfied.

If a client is looking for a woman to spend the night with, he will easily find one in a marriage agency. But the num­ber of marriages resulting from meet­ings at the socials is really quite low.

However, those few success stories inspire future participants.

The marriage agencies also owe their popularity to a number of myths, myths based on hazy notions like the Slavic soul, fate, love at first sight, and ideals of womanhood. It's worth exam­ining these in order.

Myths for the clients

1) The Slavic woman

She is: a mysterious soul, an ideal mixture of childish innocence and mature pragmatism. She is very beauti­ful and traditionally-bred. She aspires to a housewife-like quiet life and knows, how to make her husband happy. She likes cooking and believes that a woman's primary role is doing chores

waiting for you, waiting for safe and true love.

It should be admitted that these images are partially based on reality. It's true that people are poor here, and there are a lot of cultural differences.

However, these are not reflections of innate differences of soul or character. Most of the girls at socials dream of going abroad, To achieve this, they will behave and present themselves in the way that is expected of them.

Even if marriage isn't on the cards, many women enjoy eating at expensive restaurants at a foreigner's expense, and getting expensive gifts.

There are a lot of stories about adventuresses who make their living at marriage agency socials. I wouldn't blame them. They are striving for a nice life and use everything they can to get it - their femininity and the fan­tasies of western men.

2) There are no men in 'Russia.'

According to this myth, every for­eigner in "Russia" (foreign fiances com­ing to Ukraine usually do not bother to differentiate between the two coun­tries) is passionately desired by the local women, as there are no decent men around. They are all either in prison, or alcoholics, or drug addicts, or they have gone abroad looking for bet­ter jobs. Even if there are enough of them, they are uncouth dorks, inca­pable of behaving like gentlemen and bad" in bed. TrTey are moronic, wild, uncivilized animals, a rare species to be registered in the Red Book. And above all, they are poor.

In short, the gender and economic situation in Ukraine is such that a 50-year-old, plump American dwarf living, without very much money, on a farm in Ohio can easily marry here a slim, tall and beautiful young model. If you're a foreigner, you can easily approach any woman on the street and immediately start a love affair, full of joy and romance.

Again, there is some truth in this. Ukrainian men die earlier than women for a number of reasons, and it's true (as it's probably true in any other country) that the percentage of law­breakers and drug addicts is higher among men. It is true that a foreigner here can approach any woman and she will talk to him without fear.

Nevertheless, it's certainly not true that Ukrainian women do not like flirt­ing with Ukrainian men. They certainly do. They certainly don't like Western stinginess, individualism and a rational attitude towards money. However, they would not refuse to take advantage of

Think about the fact that these per­fect Ukrainian women have grown up in the same families as those awful Ukrainian men. Is there any contradic­tion?

Myths for female 'Russians'

The American dream

A significant factor in Ukrainian women's desire to go abroad is what they have heard about the American dream. Women expect to become wealthy, to live in their own houses with swimming pools, to have cars and to relax at expen­sive health resorts. Some also dream about getting Western educations, start-

ing their own businesses and having careers. In every case, iliev dreaTTTatRjui opportunities. The marriage itself is not the end, but a way to emigrate to a wealthy country where people are seen to be the masters of life.

Marriage is a tool, so it's no wonder that some foreign men (those more sensi­tive by nature) feel as if they are goods on the market. And that's fair. Because Ukrainian women (most of whom are very sensitive by nature) have the same feeling.

It seems that most Ukrainians want to leave the country. Managing to emigrate is considered a real success. Young women are encouraged to marry foreign­ers, in order to get foreign citizenship and opportunities in other countries. Stories circulate about girls who have married elderly Americans, left them, successfully integrated into American society, brought all their relatives to America, and finally married young American guys with whom they are unbelievably happy.

The failure stories are not told, as peo­ple hardly believe them. Even going abroad is considered an unambiguous success. So women who are unhappy to be dependent on strangers in a strange

"After all, it was your free choice. Don't you see what is going on here! Do you want to return? Well, you're a fool."

Indeed, people who do come back stay here for a month and find that they sud­denly don't want to stay any longer.

Myths for everyone

Unisex myths about love at first sight and fate say that it is possible to find love in any situation, even during three-day socials where the atmosphere and lan­guage barrier (to be crossed with the help of an interpreter who often seems to be just another barrier) do not assist deep spiritual contact.

These are the main myths which func­tion Ж TfreTiiarriage agencies and socials. They adorn unpleasant realities of eco­nomic and gender disparity. With all my heart, I wish such institutions disap­peared from the face of the earth. The fact that they exist offends my human dignity.

But they will probably not vanish as long as the "first world" and the "third world" exist. And maybe their existence is a lesser evil now, an opportunity for our people to make their dreams come true. However, these humanistic considera­tions cannot disguise the fact that it is close to the sex tourism so keenly described by Michel Houellebecq in Plat­form.

The sad reality is hidden under a number of romantic and not very romantic myths, promoted and held onto by "Russian" fiancees, aging for­eign men, and the staffs of marriage agencies. Although the phenomenon itself will hardly disappear in our divided world, we can at least discuss the myths and stereotypes which sur­round it, so that people on both sides of the counter know what to expect.

Kateiyna Maksymenko, a journalist in Kyiv, has a degree in cultural and

Date: 2015-12-17; view: 435