I missed U 2nite XOXO 3 page

Freed from the constraint, my already hard nipples pebbled into tight buds as he rolled them between his thumb and forefinger, his lips kissing and sucking a path in their direction. I splayed my hands across his chest, digging my nails into his fiery skin, and bending back to give his mouth further access to them. His rough hands cupped the underside of one of my breasts, lifting it toward his waiting mouth.

I thought he would suck, but he paused, emitting a sound between a groan and a growl. My body coiled tightly with desire, and I wanted his mouth on me more than I wanted air to breathe.

“Please, Grant,” I whispered against his ear, reaching out to nibble the lobe. I licked the salty skin just below the edge of his jaw, eager to taste any part of his body I could reach.

He shivered at the contact and exhaled heavily. “My God, Jillian. You’re more beautiful than I could have imagined.”

His words melted the last of my resolve, and I was reduced to a puddle of wanton desire. His head dipped down and he teasingly flicked my nipple with his tongue. My skin burned, and I opened my eyes, sure I was actually on fire while swimming in the ocean.

His hands slid back down to the curve of my ass and hoisted me up further. My thighs tightened around him and then we were moving. He easily carried me out of the water and up the beach before laying me gently on the blanket. Neither of us spoke, but we stared at each other, breathing heavily from our ocean tryst. He was leaning over me, keeping his weight on his arms. Cold drops of salty water fell on my skin from his wet hair, sending tiny shivers along my skin.

Hesitating only momentarily, he dipped his head back down to recapture my lips. I sighed into his mouth, chanting, Yes! Touch me, don’t stop touching me, in my head. His mouth was hot and salty, but sweet, like he’d been eating some type of fruit earlier. We kissed so hard, I was certain my lips would bruise.

After what seemed like hours, he tore his mouth away from mine, only to continue kissing along the soft line of my neck, down the column of my throat, and over the swell of my breast. My hands tangled in his hair and ran over his shoulders, loving the way he made my body feel.

His mouth resumed the worship of my breasts and I cried out at the sensation. With every nibble, every suck, every tug, and every flick of his tongue, need shot straight down between my thighs. I rubbed my body against him, smiling as his hard length jumped against my bare thigh. I moved myself closer, so my warm center was situated directly beneath his erection. I pushed my hips up, making contact and giving both of us what we wanted.

Grant’s eyes rolled back in his head as he breathed, “Goddamn,” under his breath.

His hands raked down my sides, stopping at the top edge of my panties. Nimble fingers slid against the tip of the elastic back and forth, over and over.

Teasing me.

Igniting me.

I pushed my pelvis up toward his hand, but he kept it elusively out of reach of where I wanted it most. All the while, he continued feasting on my breasts and driving me further into oblivion. His hand left the edge of my panties and continued down my leg, behind my knee, caressing my ankle before trailing a path back up so he could repeat with the other leg.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted him too badly. I reached down and curled my hands around the hard length of him through the thin fabric separating me from skin. Grant’s breath caught, and his mouth separated from my breast so he could look at me. I loved that I could make him feel as good as he made me feel, so I didn’t stop. I began to stroke him harder and faster. His hands clenched into fists at my hips.

“Wait, wait,” he panted, stopping me. “I’m not nearly done with you yet, and if you keep that up I will be.”

I let go and kissed him again, but he pulled back slightly. “We can stop whenever you want. Just say the word. I don’t want you to think—”

I kissed him hard again. “Please don’t stop. Don’t ever stop,” I moaned against his mouth. “I want you. All of you. With me. On me. In me.”

He smiled mischievously at me. “Your wish is my desire. And I do aim to please.”

I giggled, but it was cut off when his mouth found its way back to mine. All playfulness ceased as desire flared up again. His hand moved from my outer hip to my inner thigh, but this time he didn’t tease me. I spread my legs further, granting him access. His fingers slipped under the fabric of my panties, circling the delicate bundle of nerves at my core, now slick with the evidence of how much I wanted him. I cried out at the sensation, but he only sped up his rhythm.

My body shook with pleasure and I began to pant. He didn’t relent, and glided his fingers down before he pushed two inside me. My back arched up off the blanket and I cried out again, louder, practically screaming his name. “Grant! Oh my god, yes. Please don’t stop, please don’t stop.”

In tune with the motion of his hand, his fingers overwhelmed me. I grinded my body against his hand. I was teetering, and about to fall off the edge again, when his thumb lightly brushed over my swollen nub in one broad stroke and I fell apart, completely unraveled.

I bucked my hips as my eyes rolled back and my vision blurred. Grant never stopped or even slowed. Tears welled in my eyes and trickled out as I continued to soar higher. With a final shudder, I slumped back against the blanket, panting hard.

Grant lay back down next to me, kissing my shoulder. “There are no words, Jillian. Nothing out there could suffice to fully explain how much you amaze me.”

I took a few gulps of air and peeled my knotty, wet hair off my face and into a messy bun with the band around my wrist. After my heart rate had slowed to a less dangerous level, I crawled back toward him. His eyes darkened and his pupils dilated as my intent became clear. I wasn’t done with him.

As I hovered over him, I stared. How could I have ever thought he wasn’t my type? He is a Greek god, an Adonis, and David rolled into one. His well-defined shoulders and arms, evidence of years of rowing, flexed as my eyes roved over and down to the taut, flat surface of his stomach. And his ass—God, I could bounce quarters off of that beautiful ass.

Grant reached up and grabbed my shoulders, flipping me on my back so we reversed our positions. His fingers pulled my hair free from the tie. “Down. Keep it down,” he growled before leaning down to kiss me once again.

His hands glided down my body and hooked into my panties, edging them down. I lifted my hips to help, loving the little hitch in his breathe when they slid down my thighs, tangling at my ankles until I was able to kick them free. He didn’t move, but stared at me for a few seconds. And while I felt vulnerable and exposed, I felt desired and wanted too.

He pulled away, but only for a second as he shed the last scrap of clothing between us. My whole body trembled waiting, not from the cold of the evening air, but from anticipation. Grant leaned back and fumbled with his jeans that lay in a ball on the other side of the blanket, fishing through the pockets until he found the little foil packet he was seeking.

Quickly tearing it open, he applied the condom and laid over me so our bodies were lined up. His hands cupped my face and he kissed me gently. “You are ridiculously fuckin’ sexy.” He kissed me again. “Unbelievably, ridiculously sexy as hell.”

I glanced at him through hooded lashes, suddenly shy from hearing his compliments. But only for a moment. Only until he slowly, inch by inch, entered me. By then, I was back to firing on all cylinders as need blasted through me and raw passion crashed over me like a tidal wave.

I didn’t want slow. I didn’t want gentle. I wanted the actions of our bodies to match the emotions I felt. I thrust my hips up, and he slammed home. My hands balled the blanket and ground was spinning like I was drunk.

“Ohhh, you feel so good,” I panted, trying to match the rhythm he set.

His lips found mine once again, and his tongue plunged inside. I tilted my hips a bit as he thrust up, and he groaned. “Yes, do that again. Just like that.”

I did, adding a clenching of my muscles as he pulled out just a bit. “Ohmygod, if you keep that up I’m gonna come.”

I stopped clenching my muscles, not wanting this to end. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself even closer. Our bodies were slick with sweat, and we slid together easily, increasing the tempo. He groaned in my ear as he thrust over and over. Faster. Harder. Deeper.

I couldn’t catch my breath and felt lightheaded. But I didn’t stop, or even slow. Instead I willed my body to speed up until I couldn’t take it anymore. Until my body began to shudder and I unraveled once again, crying out as I dug my nails into his back and flew apart. Grant joined me second later, throwing his head back as he came.

For several long moments we laid there, trying to catch our breath. I was exhausted. Slowly, we came back to awareness. Grant shifted to his side, pulling me against him. I laid my head on his arm and his kissed the spot behind my ear. I sighed contentedly and closed my eyes, drifting to sleep.

Just before I let my unconscious take me away, Grant whispered, “I’m pretty sure I’m falling hard for you, Cupcake. And I will make you mine.” But I was too exhausted to tell him I was falling too.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I lay, perfectly still, and savored this amazing moment. Savored the feeling of her completely pliant in my arms. Breathing in her heavenly scent, now mixed with mine, I thanked whatever deity deemed me worthy of being with this perfect woman. I was a lucky bastard.

The sun had set completely now, revealing a sky glittering with a plethora of stars. I reached around and pulled the blanket around Jillian to ward off any chill as she slept. I knew I should wake her and take her back to be with her family, but I pushed reality back down. Reality could wait, because in this moment she was mine.

Mine.

She was mine.

She was mine everywhere that mattered. But I needed to make her mine, on every level. That fuckin’ loser boyfriend needed to go. Now.

How was I going to convince her of this without coming off like a jealous asshole? Or have her resent me? She needed to see it on her own. I just didn’t know how to make that happen.

For years, I had vowed not to turn into my father. I never understood why he wasn’t able to let go of the memory of my mother, to have a life again after her. Now, lying here with Jillian in my arms, it was starting to make sense. Was this the beginnings of love? The thought terrified and excited me.

A buzzing brought me out of my thoughts. Stretching my head upward, I could see a light coming out of Jillian’s pants pocket. Worried it might be her family with news of her grandmother, I knew my time with her tonight was over.

My hand traced the outline of her face, brushing back the hair and tucking it behind her ears. I bent and lightly kissed her temple. “Hey, sleepyhead. It’s time to rise and shine.”

She stirred and blinked up at me. A smile stretched from ear to ear and I exhaled in relief. My biggest worry disappeared with that smile.

“Hey, yourself,” she said, stretching before she sat up.

The blanket fell away as she did so, making me want to repeat this whole night all over again. My god, she was incredible. I cleared my throat and looked away before I lost all will power. “Your phone was buzzing. I thought you might want to check it to make sure it wasn’t about your grandmother or anything.”

She rushed to reach over for her phone and punched the security code to unlock it. “It was a missed call from my mom. I’ve got to call her back.” I nodded but didn’t interrupt as she stood, shoving her jeans and shirt back on—sans bra since that was lost in the ocean. “Hey, Mom. I saw I missed a call, is everything alright? Is Gamma… oh, okay. I’ll be there soon then. No, I’m not at the house. I was…” she paused and looked over at me, apparently unclear how to exactly answer the question. “I was out with a friend getting some air. Ugh! Don’t worry about who it was, I’ll be there soon.”

She hit end and tossed the phone back on the blanket. “I’ve got to get back. My mom was being pretty cryptic, but said she had some good news for me.”

I stood and started putting my clothes back on. “Of course. That’s great. I hope it’s good news about your grandmother.”

“Me, too.”

While I finished dressing, she began to fold the blanket. I glanced over at her and saw the happiness on her face dissolve into worry. Was it worry about her grandmother? Worry about being here with me instead of with her family? Worry about where we went from here?

“Hey,” I stopped her, taking by the shoulders. “It’s going to be okay. All of it. Your grandmother, your family, you, and me.”

Her bottom lip quivered. “But how will it? Everything feels like it’s flying away from me, and I don’t know what to do. How did I let everything spin so far out of control?”

I pulled her closer. “Shh. I know everything seems beyond your control right now, but I promise it’ll work itself out. It always does. You need to trust me on this, I’ve been there. Just focus on one thing at a time, and right now, that’s whatever news your mother has to tell you at the hospital.”

“Grant, I want you to know, I don’t usually go around cheating on my boyfriend. Things haven’t been good between us for a while, and I can’t help the pull I feel toward you.” She chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s just, I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of slut or anything. This is really unlike me. Christian is the only other guy I’ve ever been with. He was my first love, but we’re not the same people we were in high school and as much as I love him, I don’t know if it’s the forever kind of love.” She blew out a breath and pulled at her hair. “God, I sound ridiculous. Can we just go?”

I studied her for a moment, trying to gather just the right words. “I could never think you were a slut, Jillian. You’re an incredible woman, one of the most incredible women I’ve ever known. And I know you’re in a tough position right now and I’m sorry if I made that harder. But you need to know, I’m not giving you up. I will fight for you, because I truly believe you’re worth it, and that we could be amazing together. So please, don’t let guilt or worry or anything make you feel ashamed of what we just did. Because what we did was beautiful.” I kissed her, long and hard. “We’ll figure it out. Both of us. But for now, let’s go back to the hospital to find out the good news.”

We walked back to the car, arm in arm. Jillian reapplied some make up and braided her hair while we drove, trying to fix the damage the ocean caused. I tried to drop her off out front, but she placed her hand on my leg.

“No, Grant. I want to go in with you. Park. We’re in this together, remember?”

I looked at her for a long moment. “You sure?”

She nodded, and I pulled out of the drop-off zone and into a spot in the garage. She grabbed my hand on the elevator ride up. That one tiny gesture was her way of telling me we’d be okay. I wanted to puff up my chest and scream it to the rooftops, “Screw you, Christian. She’s picking me!”

The elevator opened, and neither of us was prepared for what we saw.

Her hand dropped from mine as it flew to her mouth to hold in a gasp.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“There she is!” Ava pushed her way through the other family members waiting there. “We’ve been waiting for an hour. Where’ve you been?” I returned her hug but was too stunned to say anything. “Trish and I just got back into town, and we heard about your Gamma. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here earlier when you needed me.”

“Me too,” Trish sniffed, joining in our hug. “But your best friends are here now, and you don’t have to go through this alone. And besides, look who we brought!”

They let go and turned, revealing who stood behind them.

“There’s my girl!” Christian scooped me up and twirled me around. “God, I missed you, babe.”

I was dizzy when he put me down, and not from the hug. Christian was back a day early, standing in front of me. I peered over my shoulder at Grant, who looked as angst-ridden as I felt. Grant had just told me we’d get through this together, but as Christian led me forward, I was getting further and further away from Grant—in every sense of the word.

I mouthed, “I’m sorry,” but he hung his head and got back in the elevator.

I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

“We have some fantastic news, sweetie,” Mom said. “Your grandmother woke up a bit ago, and your dad and I were able to go in and talk to her. It appears she’s going to be just fine. Neither her speech nor swallowing was permanently affected. She’s going to need a little bit of physical therapy to counter some weakness in her leg, but she’s going pull through okay.”

Tears welled in my eyes, but Trish handed me a tissue before they could fall. “That’s so wonderful, Mom. That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time. Is Daddy in with her now? Can I go see her?”

“Yes, go ahead. I called your sister to let her know, and your Aunt Natalie is getting us a late dinner. I’ll wait here with your friends while you go in and see her. She’s been moved to room 3115 down the hall and to the left. Just passed the nurses’ station.”

I stood up and walked toward the room. My head was swimming, but I couldn’t focus on my personal drama right now. The door was ajar, so I knocked and waited a moment before pushing it open and going through.

“Hey, Monkee.” Dad stood up and offered me his seat.

“Hi, Daddy. Is she awake?”

“She was a moment ago. Her body’s been through the wringer, so she’s pretty exhausted.”

I sat down beside her and took her soft hand in mine. Dad moved toward the door. “Why don’t I give you a few minutes with her?”

“Thanks, I’d like that.”

He walked out the door, leaving me alone with Gamma. I sat for a few minutes simply looking at her as tears of joy slipped down my face. She no longer had the invasive tubes down her throat, just a cannula for oxygen and an IV drip of some sort.

“Oh, Gamma. I’m so glad you’re going to be okay. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you from my life. ‘Cause I need your wisdom now more than ever. I’ve gotten myself in a big ol’ tangled mess, and I don’t know what to do next.”

I sniffed and wiped away my tears. “But first things first, Gamma. You need to get better. You need to rest and let your body heal, and then do whatever the doctors tell you so you and I can talk it all out while rolling out dough and mixing pie filling, okay?”

I leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

I stood but debated my next move. Going back out into the waiting room would mean facing Christian. Facing questions I wasn’t yet ready to answer. And facing what I’d done.

I squared my shoulders and made a decision. It was time to pull on my big girl panties and do what every mature woman in my situation would do: cry to my best friends while I spilled my guts about what I did over several pints of Ben and Jerry’s.

I made my way back to the waiting room, bypassed my mom, who I could hear drilling Christian about his grandparents’ anniversary party, and headed straight for where Ava and Trish stood by the vending machines.

“Hey, we’ve got to talk. Can you take me home?”

Trish put her Diet Coke down and saw the seriousness of my face. “Is this a talk where we’ll need tequila or chocolate cake?”

“Both. Plus ice cream.”

“Well, shit.”

“That about sums it up.” We turned, taking the stairs back down and piled into Ava’s VW Bug. No one spoke as we headed for the house. They knew me well enough to know that once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop until I got it all out.

I texted Christian to let him know the girls had taken me for ice cream, and I was sorry to ditch him like that. I thought about texting Grant too, but I didn’t know what to say yet. Once at the house, we made a pit stop in the kitchen for supplies, and once loaded down with everything and enough spoons for all, we headed to my room.

We took our usual positions—me on the bed, Trish in my papasan chair, and Ava stretched out on the floor. Ava passed out shot glasses and we filled them, clinking glasses and toasting to friendship before digging in to Mom’s brownies and pints of Rocky Road and Chubby Hubby. Several minutes passed before Trish spoke up.

“So do you want to tell us now? Or wait until it eats at you for a few more days and it bubbles out?”

I sighed, knowing they were right. I was never good at keeping secrets, especially from Trish and Ava. I was simply stalling. How much should I tell them? I didn’t know how they’d react and I didn’t want them to think badly of me. I had enough of my own guilt, I couldn’t handle any more.

Then again, these were my best friends. They’d never judge me, right? Maybe I wasn’t sure because I was too busy judging myself.

“It’s nothing really. I shouldn’t have dragged you guys into it.”

“If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be so upset.”

“You’re right. I’m just worried about your reaction. It’s…I’ve never…I don’t want you to hate me.”

“You know we’d never judge you, sweetie.” Trish moved a piece of hair from my face that fell out of my braid. It was exactly what I needed to hear. “We love you no matter what. You can tell us anything.”

I looked at the earnestness on their faces and broke. I told them almost everything—from my secret doubts that Christian would never grow up and get a real job to how I’d been unable to stop myself from having feelings for Grant and how close we’d grown. The only thing I left out was the events of tonight. I wasn’t ready to admit that part yet.

“I know I have a boyfriend, so I shouldn’t feel anything for him. But my body is betraying my mind.” I sniffed loudly and blew my runny nose. “I feel so guilty, but at the same time, I don’t. When I’m with Grant, it feels right.” I buried my head in my hands. “God, I am such a horrible person.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Ava protested, and Trish nodded in agreement. “You’re allowed to find other people attractive. You’re even allowed to fantasize about them if you want. That’s not cheating. You made it clear to this guy that you have a boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah, he knows about Christian.” I grabbed a clean tissue as my tears slowed, listening to Ava’s rationale. I was really getting tired of crying. I’d done way too much of it this weekend.

“Then as long as you don’t act on those feelings, you’re fine.”

My cheeks burned, and I knew they were bright red—an instant sign of my guilt.

“Umm…”

Ava looked up from her tub of ice cream. “Oh, hon, you didn’t?”

I bit my lip and nodded guiltily. “Yeah, I did.”

“What exactly did you do? Maybe it’s not as bad as you think.”

I pulled a pillow over my lap and picked at a loose thread. I couldn’t look them in the eyes.

“Oh, Jill, you slept with him?”

They didn’t need me to confirm it. They knew.

There were a few awkward moments of silence, but Trish broke it. “I think you should give this guy a chance.”

She had stopped being a big fan of Christian after we caught him making out with that slut Abbi Morris during prom. He’d had several beers and was pretty high. He tried to explain he honestly thought it was me since we were both wearing very similar dresses, and he was too high and drunk to resist once she shoved her tongue down his throat.

While I forgave him, Trish wasn’t so understanding. She still supported me, but if she saw a better option, I knew she’d jump on it.

“You think I should break up with Christian?” My tone was outrage, but in the deepest part of her gut I’d already wondered the same thing. Repeatedly.

“I think you should at least consider it. You turn twenty soon, and you’ve only ever had one real boyfriend. You shouldn’t commit yourself and settle down with anyone until you’ve explored your options. Christian was a great high school boyfriend, but it’s time to move forward. Live a little!”

“I do love him, and we’re so great together. Should I risk that? And for what? For a few dates with a guy who will probably end up being a jerk a year down the road, and then I’ll regret it forever. No, Christian and I are meant to be together.”

Trish poured another shot and downed it. “Methinks you doth protest too much. You’re only still with Christian because it’s comfortable and familiar. And you know I’m right. I mean honestly, what’s the long-term goal with him really?”

“Marriage, of course!” I crossed my arms over my chest and sat up a little defensively.

“Okay, so you get married. You want to work for the UN. How are you going to do that living out of Christian’s parents’ house? And you’ll end up supporting him—and his ridiculous notion that he’s going to ‘make it big’ with his band. We live in Georgia, for crying out loud! It’s not like he’s out in LA or even Nashville trying to make a name for himself. He’s not playin’ the Grand Old Opry or anything. He’s playing in dive bars. Places where sad, alcoholic townies go to avoid their wives. How’s he supposed to get ‘discovered’?”

I blew out a breath. I’d really created a big mess, and I needed to do a lot of thinking before I decided what my next step should be.

“I’m going to take a walk and think for a bit.” I stood up and slid into my shoes.

“Jillian, I know your head is all over the place right now. But I want you to remember this: whether you choose Christian, or this other guy, or neither one, whatever you decide, the decision is for you. This is the time to be selfish, because it’s your future and your life. And we are your best friends, so no matter what we stand beside you.”

I walked out of the room, but not before downing another shot. No matter what decision I came to, liquid courage was going to be necessary.

My house backed up to an elementary school, so I found my way down a small dirt path and headed to the jungle gym. I sat on the center swing and pushed off gently, kicking my legs out until I was airborne. I closed my eyes and leaned back so my head was upside down, keeping all my weight on my arms that clung to the chain links.

I swung back and forth, kicking higher and higher until the world, my thoughts, and everything else drifted away.

“It thought I’d find you here.” Grant’s voice called out in the silence.

I sat up and slowed to a stop. Grant walked behind me and pushed me a little, just a few inches off the ground. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

“Because I remember you telling me you used to come here at night as a kid when you wanted to be alone. That, and after your phone kept going to voicemail, I drove by your house. There were two girls on your front porch, but you weren’t there. So, I came here.”

I smirked up at him. “So you knew I’d be here only after trying everywhere else first?”

“Something like that.”

“And if you knew I wanted to be alone, why are you here?”

“Because I’m not very good at following the rules.”

He paused the swing, hovering over me. He stood so his chest brushed against my back. I tilted my head up to look at his face. He bent, and lowered his lips to mine. For a moment, I gave in to the kiss. I allowed myself to put my full self into it and live only in the moment, consequences be damned.

But only for a minute.

I tore my lips away. “I’m sorry, Grant. I can’t. I need time to think. Time to figure out what my next step should be. And kissing you skews any semblance of neutrality I have in making a decision.”

Grant blew out a frustrated breath. “Jillian, I’m trying to understand, but I don’t. Do you like me?”

“Yes, I do.”

“And do you want to see where this could go? Me and you?”

I rubbed my temples. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why? Because of him?” He spat the word out like it was poison. “He’s not worthy of you. He’s a deadbeat loser going nowhere. You’ve gotta know that.”

My blood began to boil. “You don’t know anything about him! How can you stand there on your high horse and judge someone you’ve never met?”

“But I have met him!” He walked away from me, sitting on the whirligig. “I didn’t want to tell you this, but there are things you apparently don’t know about him. He’s been hiding things from you. Like the fact he only graduated high school after he paid me to change his grades. Or the fact he’s selling weed to our coworkers.”

I pushed off the swing, kicking up the rubber pellets that covered the ground. “That’s absolutely ridiculous! Why would you be so petty as to make up utter lies? If this is what you’re really like, then you’re right. There is no choice. Goodbye, Grant.”

Date: 2015-12-11; view: 764