Relax a bit Scrapheap

A

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Often statistics is used as a drunken man uses lamppost for support rather than illumination.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

People will believe anything if you whisper it

I don't jog. I don't wont to die being healthy.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

He who laughs last is probably your boss.

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here!

UNIT 4

В

Life experience

Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.

Life is one long process of getting tired.

Professionalism

- What do you do for your living?

- Just nothing.

- You are a professional!

Family

A wife came to the police department. «I'm worried», she said, «my husband disappeared and I can't find him». The police­man gave her a pen and a sheet of paper and asked her to put down everything about her hubby. She finished and gave him the description. The policeman read it aloud:

«My husband is a short man, bold, small eyes and short­sighted. He wears thick glasses. He bets all his money at races. He snores like a hell and he squints». The policeman finished to read and asked, «Is it all?» Looking down the woman answered, «I've changed my mind, sir; on second thought, just skip the thing and don't bother looking for him».

Cafe

Waiter: Tea or coffee, sir?

Customer: Coffee without cream.

Waiter: You'll have to drink it without milk, sir, since we are

out of cream today.

Confusion

At a party when one of the women was singing one of the guests turns to his neighbour.

-Gee, what a terrible voice! Do you know who is she?

Taking Computer/or Granted

-Yes, she is my wife.

-I'm sorry, sir. She has a wonderful voice. That's that awfully bad music that spoils everything. Do you know who wrote it? -I did.

Sincerity

Wife: Do you remember the Smiths that we met in San

Francisco and invited them to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks?

Husband: Yeah.

Wife: These idiots are actually coming!

Unity

Husband: No dinner?! I'm going to a restaurant!

Wife: Be so kind as to wait a minute.

Husband: Will it be ready then?

Wife: Of course not, but I'll be ready to go with you.

Hospitality

- Ido hope my visit doesn't bother your family.

- Oh, no. However depressed they are when you come, they're always happy when you go.

Trade

- How much is this computer?

- $ 1000, sir.

- In the next door store it costs $ 750!

- Why don't you buy it there?

- They just don't have any left.

- Believe me, sir, when I don't have any left, I'll sell it for $ 100.

Date: 2015-12-11; view: 769