Love Makes A Life Worth Living

Cassie

After almost an hour of arguing, I convinced Melissa to drive me over to Gran and Gramps’s house. I still didn’t know why, but she still wanted to keep her distance from Dean, and meeting Gran and Gramps was not part of her master plan.

“Can we stop by the store real quick so I can pick up some wine?”

“Yep. I’ll get some too. I’ll need it,” she suggested, pulling into the supermarket parking lot.

I looked around at how spread out and spacious everything seemed. New York was so compact. I’d forgotten how different Southern California was. And I really missed the palm trees. My heart squeezed as I took in the sight of them.

“You coming?” I asked Meli before shutting the car door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” She typed out a text before throwing her phone into her glove compartment.

After grabbing two bottles of wine and a small flower arrangement, we headed toward the checkout stand. Pictures of Chrystle and Jack’s wedding suddenly appeared in my vision as the tabloid sat in the wire rack, mocking me. My heart pounded, and I couldn’t step forward; my legs trembled forcefully.

And then another sight caught my eye. More pictures of Jack and Chrystle, feeding cake to each other and posing with their bridal party. “Melissa,” I tried to squeak out, but all sounds failed me.

“Oh shit. Cass. Cassie?”

I turned to face her, my body numb and eyes already tearing up. She scooted our items up on the conveyer belt. “We’ll take these, thanks.”

“Can I see some ID?” the clerk asked, and Melissa thankfully pulled her license from her wallet.

I stared at the newer, more mainstream magazine in horror. Chrystle had sold her story to not only one magazine, but two. What else had she done? “Do you want to grab that?” Melissa asked through my shock.

I managed to shake my head when the clerk said, “Do you know him? Jack Carter? He used to live here, but he plays for the Mets now. Can you believe all the stuff him and his new girlfriend did to that poor girl? It’s crazy. I guess fame makes you do horrible stuff.”

I turned to face her, multiple emotions running through me like a fucking tornado. She gasped as she noticed my face, her mouth twisting into a slight snarl. “Oh my gosh. You’re her! Jack’s girlfriend, Cassie. Right?” Her eyes narrowed with accusation.

I opened my mouth to say God knows what when Melissa rescued me. “What? Cassie lives in New York with Jack. Why the hell would she be here?” She grabbed the receipt, stuffing it in the bag before tugging me by the wrist toward the door.

“Jesus, Cassie.”

I snapped out of my wedding-photo daze. “Sorry.” I apologized, although I wasn’t quite sure what for.

“No.” Meli shook her head. “That was brutal.”

“Welcome to my life.” I extended my hands with a shrug.

My mind raced with thoughts about Chrystle and thoughts about Jack, and how even all the way across the country I couldn’t get away from the media nightmare I now lived in. I wanted to focus on being happy right now, excited to see Gran and Gramps. I let those thoughts take over.

“You’ll love Gran and Gramps, Meli. They’re awesome.” I looked at her, a large fake smile plastered on my face.

“I don’t want to love them,” she responded without even a glance.

“What the hell is wrong with you? After we fix me, we really need to do some work on your dysfunctional ass.”

That garnered a glance. A nasty, wicked one. She pulled her car up to the curb and I hopped out, excited to see the family waiting inside for me. Dean popped his head out from behind the screen door, his eyes meeting mine. I widened mine, and he figured out what I was trying to convey and bolted through the door and to the side of our car.

“I’m glad you came, Melissa.” He smiled at her, grabbing the bag from the store.

“You’ve only been trying to get me here for months.” She turned a pointed glare at me.

What the hell?

“Cassie?” Gran’s voice spilled out from an open window.

“Is the kitten here already?” Gramps voice quickly followed.

I arched my eyebrows at Dean. “The kitten?” I asked with a laugh.

“Don’t ask. He started calling you that after you moved. We think it’s funny, so we never correct him.”

Dean opened the door for us, and as I stepped inside my heart immediately filled with love. Nothing had changed since my last visit, except for the three new black-and-white photographs on the wall.

Melissa pointed at them. “Cass, you took these, right?”

“Yeah,” I answered with a small smile before tossing a quick glance at Dean. I turned my head, noticing one additional new portrait. It was taken the day Jack signed to play for the Diamondbacks. Five people were in the photo, and I was one of them.

“You’re practically family already,” Melissa said as she glanced at the picture.

If a heart could grow in size, mine enlarged on the spot. I’d been more at home here with this family than with the one I was supposed to call my own.

Grabbing the bag from Dean, I started walking toward the kitchen.

“I’ll show you around the house.” Dean grabbed Melissa by the hand, leaving me alone.

Gran and Gramps sat at the table, drinking out of coffee mugs. Gran scooted out of her chair and shuffled toward me, her arms outstretched. “Oh, Cassie. It’s so good to see you. We miss you.” She kissed the side of my cheek and hugged me as tightly as her frail arms could.

“I miss you too. Here, I brought these.” I pulled out the flowers and the wine.

“The kitten is here!” Gramps practically shouted before wrapping his burly arms around me, the smell of tobacco lingering on his clothes.

I breathed him in, the scent reminding me of being here with Jack. “Gramps! I miss you the most. Don’t tell Gran,” I whisper-shouted near his ear.

“I heard that!” Gran yelled out from the sink where she worked on arranging the flowers in a vase.

“Come sit,” Gramps said as he plopped back into his chair.

“Should we open the wine?” Gran asked, still arranging the flowers.

“I’m OK. We brought those bottles for you guys to enjoy with dinner. Save them.” I winked at Gramps, and he grinned.

Gran placed her hand on my shoulder as she passed me to sit down. She sipped from her mug before eyeing me. “So, dear, how is everything?”

My smile faded quicker than I intended. “It’s good. Everything’s good,” I lied, as the realization that being around Jack’s family without Jack was harder than I anticipated. I missed him. And I knew I couldn’t get anything past Gran.

Gran reached out a hand, touching my fingers gently. “We saw that dreadful magazine. Why won’t she just go away?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve wondered the same thing.”

“Jack said you’re having a hard time dealing with it all. Tell us what’s going on.” Gran had a way of making you talk about the things you wanted to avoid.

I looked into Gramps’s tired eyes, the worry lines around them increasing. “He’s right. I’m just having a hard time dealing with all the press and the Internet sites.”

“Why? What do they say?” Gramps asked through his confusion.

“Just a bunch of mean stuff about how I’m not hot enough for Jack. I’m too fat. They take my picture and basically say whatever they want about it. They just make things up. And now with the whole Chrystle thing, I feel like I can’t take it anymore.”

“Cassie, you know how much we love you, right?” Gran asked, and I nodded. “It broke our hearts what Jack did to you. We were so disappointed and sad. But to know that you’ve taken him back after everything, we can’t tell you how happy that makes us.” She reached out to squeeze Gramps’s hand.

“The press sounds dreadful. Truly awful. And I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to deal with that on a daily basis. But, dear, one day, all of that will fade away. The press, the Internet, the websites, Chrystle,” she paused, “they will all be things of the past.”

She leaned forward, cupping my face in her hand. “I know you can live your life without all of those things, but can you really live your life without Jack?”

They already knew the answer as I blinked back the tears. “I think I’d be miserable without him.”

“Because you love him,” Gramps called out, joy animating his voice.

“Of course I love him.”

“Then don’t give up. One day you’ll look around and realize that all the things you thought mattered so much, really didn’t matter much at all.” Gran eyed Gramps, the love between them apparent. “What matters the most is who you love. Because when everything else is a distant memory, the people you love are all that’s left. And love is the single most important thing we can do in our lives. Give it. Receive it. Teach others how to do it.”

My eyes filled with tears again. “Love is the most important thing? Above everything else?”

“Absolutely,” Gramps said with a crooked smile. “It’s funny the things you think will last forever when you’re young. I figured I’d work until I died. But even work stops at some point. And you find yourself looking around, taking stock of your life, and you realize that you don’t give a shit about where you worked, or what you did to bring in money, but you care about the lives you touched. The love you shared. The family you created. You care about who is standing beside you when the shit hits the fan.”

Gran swatted at Gramps twice, presumably for each time he cursed, but missed. “It’s true,” she said. “The older you get, the more you realize that it isn’t about the material things, or pride or ego. It’s about our hearts and who they beat for. I know your heart beats for Jack in the same way that his heart beats for you. I don’t think one can survive without the other. Do you?”

I wiped at the tears rolling down my cheeks, their words striking a chord inside my soul. How could I ever think I’d be OK without Jack in my life? I might be able to distract myself for a little while, but eventually I would realize that my heart lay vacant and cold. “No. I’d be miserable without him.”

“Then you have to figure out a way to let all the other stuff go. You have to let Jack carry some of the load for you. If you keep things from him, he can’t help.”

Gramps raised his hand before quickly adding, “I know you ladies like to think that we can read your minds, but we can’t. We don’t know anything that’s going on in those heads of yours unless you tell us.”

I nodded. “I know you’re right. It’s just easier said than done right now.”

Gran didn’t miss a beat. “If you quit on Jack, you’re giving everyone what they want. Chrystle wins. And I would hate to see her win at anything.” Her eyes narrowed. “But you and Jack would be the real losers because you’d lose each other. People spend their whole lives searching for the kind of love that the two of you share. That’s what life is all about.”

Gramps chimed in, “Love is life. If you miss out on love, you miss out on life.”

Melissa and Dean shuffled into the kitchen, goofy smiles on both their faces. “Gran, Gramps, this is Cassie’s best friend, Melissa.” Dean beamed with pride as he introduced her to his family.

Gramps grinned. “Hi, Melissa. You’re just as pretty as the kitten,” he said with a wink, and Melissa couldn’t help but smile even wider.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Gran extended her hand before glancing in my direction and whispering, “This one’s going to need a little work on the Dean front, isn’t she?” I nodded, wondering how the hell Gran seemed to instinctively know everything.

After a couple hours of polite conversation and Gran force-feeding us sandwiches, Melissa and I said good-bye. Dean stood on the porch with a pout on his face as he watched us leave. She begged him for some time alone with me, but he claimed he wanted to spend time with me too. They compromised on girl time tonight and Dean time tomorrow. I laughed at their conversation.

“You like them, don’t you?” I asked Melissa as she lowered the car radio.

“They are pretty great. How was your alone time with them? Dean insisted we let you guys talk by yourselves.” She sounded slightly annoyed by Dean’s suggestion.

“I appreciated it,” I admitted, hoping to relieve her irritation. “They’re so awesome. They always seem to know just what to say and how to say it.”

“What did they say this time?” she asked, her eyes focused directly in front of her.

“They talked about the importance of love. And how in the end, it’s all that really matters, and it’s all you have left when everything else is gone.”

“They sound almost as smart as I am,” she said, and I smacked her shoulder with the back of my hand. “Hey!”

I watched as we passed the restaurant where Jack and I had our first date, the quick jolts of pain to my heart reminding me how much I missed him.

“So, did they fix you?”

“I still need to figure out how to find some balance, but all of you are right. Breaking up with Jack won’t solve anything in the long run. I’d regret it eventually, and I’d probably never get over it.”

“You know, Cass, Jack isn’t the only one who changed. I mean, you changed him. But he changed you too. Whether you realize it or not, it’s the truth.”

Hearing Melissa say those words solidified what I’d known for some time. She’d told me the same thing back in college, but it seemed to carry more weight now. I felt like I’d grown up twenty years in the span of the last two.

“You’re right. I honestly can’t imagine my life without him. And I don’t want to.”

“Then you need to stop running away from him when things get rough. You do that a lot, and eventually he’s going to get pissed.”

“I don’t run away,” I sniped defensively.

“Really? You left the state! You’re either running away or shutting him out completely. And both of those things suck.”

I watched the palm trees blur into green streaks across the sky blue backdrop. Melissa was right. “I’ll work on it.” I’d bottled so many of my emotions inside because I didn’t want to burden Jack with them. And I needed to learn how to clear my head with Jack in the picture instead of pushing him out of it.

Melissa’s phone started to ring. “Can you see who it is?”

I grabbed for the phone and noticed Jack’s name flashing across the screen. “It’s Jack.”

“Speak of the devil. Answer it.”

My stomach dropped to the floor. “Hi,” I answered nervously.

“Where’s your phone?” Jack’s voice was tight and agitated.

“I left it in the apartment. Why? What’s wrong?”

“Check it as soon as you get back and then you fucking tell me,” he said tersely.

“Jack? Hello?” I pulled the phone from my ear to look at the screen. “Holy shit, he hung up on me.”

“What’s going on?” Melissa sounded worried.

“I have no idea. He told me to check my phone.” My head started to spin as I wondered what the hell could have happened.

Don’t

Jack

My cell phone beeped, signaling I had a new text message. Instead of a return phone number, the sender was an anonymous e-mail. I considered not opening the message, knowing that nothing good could come from an anonymous source. After a short battle with myself, I clicked the message and a picture popped up.

What the fuck?

Matteo kissing Cassie displayed on my screen and violent urges instantly ripped through my guts. My temper flared as a fire blazed through my every pore. I wanted to tear Matteo’s fucking head off. How dare he put his lips on my girl? How dare he fucking even think about touching her?

But she let him. She wasn’t pushing him away in the picture, she was kissing him back. Fuck, even her goddamn eyes were closed!

I dialed Cassie’s number, but it went straight to voice mail. Again. Where the hell was she? I forwarded the picture message to her cell.

She’d bailed on me in the middle of all the Chrystle drama and now this. How would she explain this? I looked at it, clear as day with my own two eyes. Matteo’s filthy fucking lips stuck to my beautiful Kitten’s. Have I been fooled this whole time?

I walked into our bedroom and pulled out the velvet ring box I’d buried in my sock drawer. It creaked as I opened it to peer at the shiny diamond inside. How could she do this to me? To us? Shaking my head, I squeezed my eyes closed before opening them again. The image of Matteo kissing Cassie plagued my every thought.

I snapped the box shut and pitched it forcefully through the opened closet door. It crashed against something with a loud thud, and I walked out of our room not caring what happened to the contents.

Maybe it was all an elaborate ploy, her inability to handle the press? How long had she and Matteo been sneaking around behind my back? Had I forced them together by asking him to keep her safe during my games? Was this all my fault? I wondered how long I had until the media got ahold of that picture. With my luck, it was already posted everywhere.

I dialed Melissa’s cell phone, determined to reach Cassie. I listened as it rang three times. Cassie answered, and she sounded nervous when she said hi. I asked where her phone was, unable to hide my anger. Her voice rose, and she actually sounded confused and worried when she told me she left it at Melissa’s apartment and asked what was wrong.

“Check it as soon as you get back and then you fucking tell me,” I said and ended the call. I didn’t want to hear another word out of her mouth until she looked at the same picture I had. I waited. And grew more agitated with each passing minute. The press was already having a field day with all of Chrystle’s accusations, now they’d have even more to talk shit about.

On top of it all, now I needed to find a new driver. Matteo’s work here was finished. No matter what the story, I didn’t want to see his face anywhere near mine again.

I paced our apartment, my anger growing as my patience wore thin. Half tempted to call Melissa again, my phone suddenly rang. I answered the call, but said nothing.

“Jack? Are you there? It’s not what it looks like, I swear.” She pleaded through the phone, and I found myself surprised at my lack of sympathy.

“So, he didn’t kiss you? ’Cause it looks like he’s kissing you.”

She hesitated. “Yes, he kissed me, but…”

I cut her off. “How long?”

“How long, what?” she asked, her breathing shaky.

“How long has this been going on?”

She inhaled sharply. “What? Nothing is going on, Jack, I swear. There’s nothing between me and Matteo. He kissed me, and I pushed him away.”

“It doesn’t look like you’re pushing him away in this picture. Did you like it? His lips on yours. Looks like you might like it.”

“I pushed him off of me, Jack! I told him no! I told him I loved you.” She started to cry.

It tugged at my chest, the sound of her crying, but I pretended not to care. “Why didn’t you tell me about the kiss?”

“Because we haven’t even talked. Because it meant nothing. He apologized. He was scared to death of losing his job with us.”

“He should be. ’Cause I’m either going to fire him or fucking kill him.” Or both. “You know what, Cass, I don’t blame another guy for falling for you. I don’t. But you… I never expected this from you, of all people. I feel like I don’t even know you.”

“Don’t say that, Jack. Of course you know me. I love you. I’ll come home tomorrow. We’ll fix this. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Don’t.” I stopped her rant.

“Don’t what? Don’t come home?” She sounded like she couldn’t believe what I said.

“I don’t want to see you,” I admitted, my guts feeling like they had just been shredded.

“What? Don’t do this. Jack, please,” she begged.

I leaned against the granite countertop, thoughts racing, emotions clashing. I was pissed off. I’d worked so hard to break down this girl’s walls, but no matter what I did, it was never good enough. She always ended up blocking me out, and I didn’t deserve it.

“This is bullshit, Cassie! I haven’t done anything since I came back into your life except try to be a better man for you. I try every single day to do right by you. It’s all I want, to be good enough. To make up for the mistake I made. I’d do anything for you.”

My frustrations mounted as I vented. “But you walk around here constantly keeping shit from me. And when things finally get to be too much for you, what do you do? You run away. I know you’re used to being let down and disappointed, but we’re supposed to be a team. We hold each other up when the other one’s about to fall. We don’t run away and leave our other half to fend for him or herself.”

She stayed quiet, clearly having no defense for her actions, so I continued. “You left me here to deal with Chrystle and her shit all alone. I know you’re hurt and angry, but I am too. Did you even once stop to think about how I felt? How her article affected me and made me look? No. Because you left me here and took off.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said with a sob.

“Yeah? For which part?” I asked, and could hear her sobbing in the background.

“I’m sorry for all of it, Jack. You’re right. I don’t deal with things well and I promise I’ll work on it.”

I exhaled through my nose as I stared out the balcony window. “It’s more than that. You keep things inside and…”

“Because I don’t want to bother you with stuff I think is stupid. I don’t want you to worry about things when you’re on the field. You have enough to worry about.”

“You don’t get to decide what’s stupid and what isn’t. If it’s bothering you, then you need to tell me. You need to communicate with me. I fucking tell you everything. I share everything with you because I don’t ever want there to be another secret between us again. I don’t like keeping things from you, and I don’t appreciate you keeping things from me.”

“I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. I know I’m not good at being an open book, but I’ll try to be better.”

“And I know I let you down before and you don’t trust me completely. But this goes beyond that, and I think we both know it.” She sniffed, and her breath hitched repeatedly as I continued. “After tonight’s game, we’ll be on the road for few days. I think we should take this time to figure out what we both want.”

“I know what I want,” she insisted.

“I don’t,” I lied. Of course I wanted Cassie, but I was hurt. I lost her trust in one terrible decision-making moment, but she lost pieces of mine every time she shut me out, kept me at distance, or didn’t care enough about our relationship to stay put and fight. I wanted to know we were solid, but her actions only confused me.

“OK,” she said with hurt in her voice. “I’ll do anything to fix this, Jack. Tell me what you need me to do.”

I took a long, deep breath. It was finally my turn.

“Prove it,” I said before ending the call. Now she would know how it felt to be on the other end of that fucking request.

I immediately dialed the car service where Matteo worked and asked for the owner. “Hi, Mr. Lombardi, Jack Carter here. I need to cancel all services with Matteo and request a new driver starting today.”

“Of course, Mr. Carter. Did Matteo do something wrong?”

The media would inform him soon enough, if he didn’t know already. “I just want a new driver. Do not send Matteo here today or I’ll lose my shit. Do you understand?”

He cleared his throat. “I, uh… understand.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you still require the driver to stay for the duration of the games?”

“No, I do not.”

I pressed End on my cell and typed out a text message to Matteo for good measure.

You’re fired. Don’t show your face here again and stay the fuck away from Cassie.

I tossed my phone down, not expecting a response when it beeped right back.

Jack, I’m really sorry. Can I come there and talk to you?

I cracked my neck from side to side, the idea of seeing Matteo igniting the flames of my temper.

Not a good idea, man. Not right now.

It will take 2 seconds. Please. I know you want to kill me. Let me explain.

Explain? Explain how his lips touched my girlfriend’s? What the hell was there to explain? Maybe he wanted me to kick his ass? I glanced at the clock on the wall. I had time.

Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

My body tensed all over as the image of him kissing Cassie burned into my mind. Within minutes, he knocked on my door. I hesitated, knowing that if I started hitting him, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.

I opened the door, the dejected look on his face almost made me feel sorry for him. Almost. I clenched my hands, balling them into fists as my mind raced. I stepped back from the door, not wanting to be near him. I didn’t invite him in.

“Jack, I’m really sorry. There’s no excuse for my behavior. It’s just that she looked so sad and so distraught that it killed me to see her like that. I just wanted her to be happy. My emotions took over, and I got all jumbled up inside.”

He had feelings for her.

I glared at him, willing myself to stay calm as he continued. “I feel horrible and I know you can never forgive me, but you need to know that Cassie stopped me. She shoved me away and put me in my place.”

Good girl.

“I never meant to disrespect you or your relationship. Somewhere along the way of looking out for her at the games, my feelings got involved. But she doesn’t have any feelings for me. She made that completely clear. I know you’ll never forgive me, but I hope you’ll forgive her.”

I don’t know why, but that kindhearted comment set me off. “Don’t tell me what to do with her. She’s none of your business.”

His expression tightened. “You’re right. I just wanted to apologize to you and tell you what happened. I really am sorry Jack.”

I swallowed my pride. And then I almost choked on it. I couldn’t blame him for caring about her when that’s exactly what I’d asked him to do. No wonder the lines got blurred. He protected her so often that he didn’t know how to turn that part off. “I understand how your feelings for her grew.” The tension between his brows lessened slightly. “I don’t forgive you right now for kissing her. But maybe in time I will.”

He nodded. “Thank you. That means a lot.” He turned to leave.

“Matteo,” I called out. “Thanks for coming by.”

A real man owned up to his mistakes and confronted them. Even when I warned him not to come here, he still insisted. It was hard not to respect that kind of integrity. Not to mention the fact that I liked Matteo. Maybe I could grow to like him again. Maybe.

Date: 2015-02-28; view: 668