Chapter 25

There's no shame in admitting you're an American Princess.

"Hows your safta?" Jess asks me in the late afternoon when I join the rest of our unit in the barracks after Avi and I arrive back on base.

I organize my cubby and slide my suitcases under my bed. "She's okay. Her white blood cell counts are low, but they've stabilized her. She told me to go back and finish the program... something about Baraks not being quitters."

"Well, I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too. By the way, Avi and I are back together."

"I knew it was just a matter of time. You guys are meant for each other."

I look at the gun resting on her lap. Guns are used as a means to help Israelis protect their land and their people.

I'm sure these guns mean something totally different to the Palestinians. "Jess, what do you think will happen between you andTarik in the future?"

I've never asked her this before, because I know she loves him and doesn't want to think about life without him. But if it's not going to work out, why torture yourself by falling more in love with a guy you know you can't have a future with?

"I don't know," Jess says. "I don't think about it."

I think about my future all the time, and always imagine Avi in it.

"Have you ever gotten in a fight and thought of breaking up?"

Jess chuckles. "Sure, but I can't stop dating Tarik any more than you can stop dating Avi. When the time comes to talk about the serious stuff, maybe we'll decide it won't work. Until then, I'm not stressing about it. Don't tell me you and Avi talk about the future."

I smile at her. "Yeah, we do."

Her mouth opens wide. "Wow. Please tell me you're not gonna get married at eighteen and skip college."

"I'm not getting married or skipping college. But I hope one day..."

My voice trails off, thinking about what our life might be like in the future.

" ...you'll have little Amys and Avis running around the house,"

Jess finishes for me.

"Maybe. But we won't name them Amy and Avi--you know most Jewish people don't name their kids after a living relative." Rabbi Glassman told me it's because of an old superstition that the Angel of Death will accidentally take the baby instead of the older relative of the same name. As if the Angel of Death would be confused. Maybe I don't believe it, but I'm not taking any chances.

There won't be an Amy Jr. or Avi Jr. in my house. Naming zits is another story.

"So when did you and Avi have this discussion?" "Last night. We stayed at a hotel in Ein Gedi." "Just the two of you?"

"Yeah." I pull out my suitcase and pretend to rearrange my stuff.

"So? Come on, Amy. Don't keep me in suspense." I look around to make sure nobody is eavesdropping. "We didn't have sex, if that's what you're getting at," I whisper. "I mean, I wanted to. And he wanted to."

Jess hasn't been a virgin for years, ever since she and Michael Greenberg did it sophomore year. But Jess isn't the result of two people getting together one night out of lust and nothing else; I am.

Jess waves her hand in a "come on, spill the beans" gesture. We seriously have less than five minutes before the next activity. I can't possibly describe how amazing it is that Avi and I reconnected. My body is still humming from the touch of his hands and the sound of his voice whispering sexy things in my ear, making me shiver with excitement. I'm definitely applying to colleges in Israel so we can be together whenever possible. I can't wait until our next boot camp activity just so I can see him again... even

if we can't be "with" each other. As long as we can see each other, I'm totally psyched.

Ronit comes into the barracks with Liron and they tell us to line up outside. I actually smile at Liron and don't fear that she's my rival.

I pick up George II and head outside. The guys are waiting for us.

I know we're going to the shooting range to practice, but I don't see anyone from Avis unit besides Liron here.

Liron taps me on the shoulder. "Avi's not here. He wanted me to let you know that he was sorry he couldn't say goodbye."

What? Avi s not here? For how long? "Will he be back tomorrow?"

Liron shakes her head. "The Sayeret Tzefa trainees have been taken off base for intensive combat training exercises before they head to Counter Terror School. It was a surprise for everyone.

Since I'm an operations specialist, I can stay on base until your unit graduates."

The thought of not seeing Avi for the rest of my trip to Israel is terrible, especially after last night. But Avi would want me to stay strong and positive.

"You okay?" Liron asks me.

Blinking back the tears about to spill out, I force a brave smile.

"Yeah. I'm okay."

We're introduced to our new team leaders. There are two Israeli girls assigned as new team leaders, and three guys.

As one of the new team leaders steps in front of us, I notice she's wearing sunglasses suspiciously similar to the $235 ones I dropped in the poop hole my first day here.

My mouth drops open. They are my sunglasses. I look over at Jessica, who I know also noticed because she's got the same open-mouthed, shocked expression I do.

"She fished them out," I whisper to Jess.

Jess shakes her head. "I'm speechless, Amy. What are you gonna do? Ask for them back?"

"Absolutely not!" If a girl wants those glasses so bad she'll fish in poop to get them, she can be my guest and keep them forever.

Noah got reassigned, and is also now a team leader for our unit. I wish Noah had another message from Avi, but he doesn't. I also wish I had Noah's outlook on life... no expectations, and then you won't be disappointed.

When we get to the shooting range, I walk up to Nathan as we're waiting for our turn to shoot. "Just so you know, I'm breaking up with you."

Nathan shakes his head vigorously. "Nuh uh. You can't do that.

I'm supposed to break up with you first. That was our deal."

"So break up with me. I'm back with Avi."

"Well, you can't tell Tori. You promised to pretend to be devastated about our breakup." Nathan pouts. "How's it gonna look to Tori when she sees you broke up with me to go out with that... that beast?" He puts his arm around me and says, "Come on, Amy. You're my best friend. What's a girl best friend worth if she won't help you get laid?"

I push him away from me. "Eww. You're so gross."

"I'm a guy, I was born gross. Now go tell Tori we broke up. And that you're devastated. I want to see some tears. And don't forget to tell her I'm good in bed."

"I'm not telling her that."

"Why not?"

"Because what if it's not true? I don't want my credibility questioned."

"Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating?"

I hold my hands up. "Don't blame me. Listen, Nathan. Ever since you broke up with Becky--*

"Bicky."

"Whatow her name is. You don't have to act like a player. I'm only gonna say this once so you don't get a big head. You're cute, with that streaked-blond messy-haired garage-band-guy look you've got goin' on." I gesture to his hair and cute boyish face. "You're cool... when you're not eating my white chocolate Kit Kats. And you're funny... in an entertaining, Muppety sort of way. I'm not setting you up with Tori just so you can get into her pants. I'll set you up with Tori because you're a great guy."

"You think I'm a great guy?"

I roll my eyes. "When you're not being an idiot you are. But I've got to warn you, Tori's got issues."

"I do, too." Considering he doesn't have parents around and lives with his aunt and uncle, who aren't deliriously happy to be fostering their nephew, I'm well aware of Nathan's issues.

"There's just one more problem," I tell him, as Sergeant B-S calls us to take our places on the range.

"What?"

"Nothing I can't handle." I don't tell Nathan that while I'm trying to get Tori to fall in love with him, I have to get Miranda to fall out of love with him. Nathan may rock Miranda's world, but he doesn't feel the same way about her. That's not to say that it will never happen... it just won't happen now. As much as I hate to admit it, Nathan and Tori have potential. They've both got chutzpah ... a lot of attitude and nerve. Both of them could use a person to challenge them.

"Just don't tell Tori anything that'll ruin my reputation as a stud,"

Nathan says as he releases the magazine to his M16.

"Don't worry, Nathan. You can do that all on your own."

The sergeant passes out bullets and tells us to load our magazines. I look down at George II. I don't have Avi to help me this time. Noah is walking behind us, making sure everyone knows what they're doing. I look over at Miranda, fitting her bullets in the magazine chamber just like everyone else. I raise my hand and wave Noah over to me.

"Hey, Amy!" he says with a big smile. "How's it goin'?"

"Good."

He kneels next to me. "Need help?"

"Not me. My friend Miranda over there...you met her in the kitchen when we had the bee incident. She says she knows how to shoot, but that's just a cover-up. She needs help. She's just too shy to ask for it."

Noah pats me on the shoulder. "I got it. I'll go over there and not help her, if you know what I mean." He walks toward Miranda and kneels next to her. When she says she's okay, he stays with her and chats while she loads and aims the rifle. I think I hear her laugh at something he says right before she shoots.

I might just open my own matchmaking service when I get back to Chicago. I set up my dad and Maria this winter. Seriously, it might be hereditary...maybe my great-great-great-grandmother was a matchmaker in some little village in Russia or Germany.

As I load George II with ammunition and get in position to shoot, I think back to my first time on the range, when Avi was lying next to me, placing my fingers into the correct position and relaxing me with his voice.

I imagine he's here with me now, acting as my support and guide.

With the butt of the rifle against my shoulder, I put the rifle into the V in my left hand to steady the barrel. I settle my fingers into position, pretending Avi's hands are patiently guiding mine. As I aim at the target ahead of me and put my finger on the trigger, I take a breath and hold it while I fire.

I hit the target. Yeah!

I fire again. Another hit!

And again.

"Avodah tovah --nice job," I hear Sergeant B-S's voice from behind me.

I look back at his approving nod. "Thanks, sir," I say.

For the rest of the day, I remember that "nice job" and the approving nod from Sergeant B-S and it gives me strength. Until right after dinner, when Ronit gives us the news.

"Yes, the rumors are true. We're going on a night hike and sleeping in the desert tonight."

Like Noah, I force myself to have low expectations and keep a positive attitude. I can't help thinking about what Sofia said: You're a Barak. No Barak is a quitter. But I also can't help thinking about desert scorpions, snakes, and hairy spiders. I'm thinking about other comforts of home as I raise my hand.

"Amy, do you have a question?"

"Yeah," I say. "Umm...is there a bathroom where we're headed?"

"Absolutely." She comes back and holds up a small shovel. "The entire place is one big bathroom. Just dig a hole and relieve yourself."

Date: 2015-02-28; view: 778