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Choosing You Allie Everhart

Contents

 

Title Page

 

October 30

Sept. 4, Two Months Earlier

 


 

 

Choosing You Allie Everhart

 

 


 

 

OCTOBER 30

 

The lines on the track are like a map telling me where to go. I follow their orderly path, my arms and legs moving in a rhythmic pattern. My body repeats the motion effortlessly, leaving my mind to replay what just happened.

I see a girl at a party. She’s drinking. She never drinks. Ever. But there were no other options. It was history repeating itself. Like the script had already been written and she just had to let the scene play out. For 18 years, she promised herself this would never happen. And then it did. She lost all control within a matter of seconds.

That girl was someone else. I will never be her. And I will never be her mother. I refuse.

My legs take longer, quicker strides as I become aware of my body again. I pump my arms because I’m not going fast enough. I still feel all of it. The confusion. The rage. The pain. And I just want it to go away.

The cold night air clings to my skin, cooling the sweat and sending an icy chill through me. My arms and legs ache and my lungs burn from inhaling the frigid air. But I keep going. Because I like feeling this pain. I understand it. And it keeps my mind off the pain that I can’t understand.

A drop of rain hits my face. Then two, then three. Soon rain pours from the sky, stinging my skin.

“Jade, what the hell are you doing out here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Jade!”

It’s Garret, the boy who made the girl live out that scene at the party. The scene that was never supposed to happen.

My eyes remain on the lines in front of me and I run past him like he’s not even there.

“Jade, stop! Wait!”

I make another loop around the track as he continues to call out my name. As I approach him again, he moves into my lane and I veer to avoid him.

There’s a sharp tug on the back of my shirt and I stumble forward to a stop. I’m gasping for breath as Garret turns me around and holds me against him so tight I can’t move despite my efforts to break free.

“Stop.” He says it quietly now as he presses my head against his chest. “Just stop running.”

I give up trying to fight him and let my body collapse into his.

A minute ago I never wanted to see him again, but now I don’t want him to let me go.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says. “If it’s something I did, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”

The cold rain continues to pour down in a steady stream. My shorts and shirt feel heavy against my skin and I shiver as the wind blows around us.

He runs his hand along my arm. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing and you’re soaking wet. Let’s go inside.”

My legs aren’t ready to move. My entire body is aching, leaving my emotions numb, just the way I want them.



“Jade, talk to me.”

I look up and see him watching me, waiting for some kind of answer. Before he can speak again, I reach up and press my lips to his. I shouldn’t be kissing him so I don’t understand why I’m doing this. But I don’t understand anything right now.

Garret gently pulls away. “Tell me what’s going on. Why are you out here? Why were you at the party? And why were you drinking?” His voice is filled with so much worry and so much concern. After seeing him at the party I don’t know why he even cares. But I know he does. I can feel it and I can see it in his face and it pisses me off. I don’t want him to care about me. Not now. Now after what he did.

I push away but his arms tighten around me. I won’t look at him. Because when I do all I see is the image of him coming out of that room. With her. And then I see the vodka bottle and it reminds me of my mom and that letter she wrote.

It’s too much. It’s too many emotions. I want the numbness back.

The rain continues to pour and I shiver again.

“We’re going inside.” Garret’s tone is forceful. He finally lets me go but grabs my hand, pulling on me to go with him. “Jade, come on. I’m not leaving here without you.”

My mind is still racing, trying to make sense of things that make no sense at all.

When I don’t move, he picks me up and carries me up the hill to our dorm.

 


 

 

SEPT. 4, TWO MONTHS EARLIER

 

I sit on the blue vinyl seats of Ryan’s car with a bag of potato chips in my hand and a 20-ounce soda wedged between my legs, my bare feet resting against the dashboard. As I reach in the bag, Ryan snatches it from me.

“I’m cutting you off, Jade.” He tosses the potato chips in the back seat. “That’s your fifth bag in two days.”

“Yeah. So I like potato chips. Big deal.” I lick the salt from my fingers, release my seat belt, and reach over the seat to retrieve my chips.

“Hey, buckle up. And if you finish those, that’s your last bag. You need to start eating better.”

I roll my eyes as I resume my position. “You’re not a doctor yet, Ryan. You haven’t even started med school, so don’t start lecturing me on my health.”

He wipes the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand while his other hand grips the steering wheel. “I don’t need to be a doctor to know that a diet of potato chips and soda isn’t good for you.”

“Potatoes are a vegetable.” I chomp loudly into a chip but Ryan doesn’t notice.

“Damn, it’s hot.” He rolls his window all the way down, blowing even more warm, humid air into the car. A semi roars past us as we go down a hill, followed by two more after that.

“Put your window up. I can’t hear the radio with all that noise.”

“If I put the window up, we’ll suffocate.” He rolls it back up halfway. “When I’m a doctor, the first thing I’m gonna do is get a car with air conditioning.“

“The first thing you’ll be doing is paying off your student loans.” I stuff more chips in my mouth.

“That’s true. I’ll probably be driving this thing for another ten years.” He nudges me from across the seat. “Not everyone gets a full ride scholarship to some fancy East Coast college.”

I shrug. “What can I say? If some rich guy offers to pay for your college you go.”

“He gave you the scholarship because you deserve it. More than anyone I know.”

“Don’t start, Ryan.” I focus out the side window, watching yet another state go by. We’re in New York now, driving past farm fields. I never realized how much farming went on in New York. Yesterday was the first time I’d ever been outside of Iowa and since then I’ve been to five states. From the interstate, almost every state looks the same. Big, open fields on both sides of the road. Then we hit Pennsylvania and the landscape got hilly and filled in with trees. New York is a mix of trees and fields.

Ryan rolls his window all the way up, muffling the road noise. “We’re almost there and I just need to say it one last time and then I’ll shut up.”

I sigh dramatically. “Fine. Hurry up.”

“I’m really proud of you, Jade. Most kids your age would’ve shut down after what happened. They would’ve dropped out of school. But you ended up the freaking valedictorian.”

“I know. I was there. Now are you done? Because none of that matters now. That was high school. This is college. I have to start at the bottom and prove myself all over again.”

“You won’t have to prove anything. You’re going to totally kick ass at that school from your first day on campus.”

“Okay, no more pep talks. I don’t need you boosting my ego only to have reality hit as soon as I get there. High school was easy. There’s more competition at college. And I’ll be going to school with spoiled rich kids who went to fancy prep schools and probably had private tutors their whole lives.”

“Hey, don’t get that attitude going before you get there. You haven’t even met these people. Give them a chance before you start judging.”

“Oh, please. Like they aren’t going to judge me? I’m the Kensington Scholarship winner. Everyone knows that’s for charity cases.”

He rolls the window down again. “I doubt anyone there even knows about your past.”

“It only takes one person to find out and tell the whole school. Then I’ll be known all over campus as the poor girl from Iowa who at the tender age of 15 found her mom dead on the bathroom floor from pills and booze. They’ll think I’m just as crazy as my mom. And maybe I am . . .” My voice drifts off.

“Stop it, Jade. You are not your mom. You’re nothing like her. You’ve already accomplished more than she ever did.”

“Can we not talk about my mother, please?” I open my soda and it fizzes out the top and all over the seat. “Shit! I’m so sorry.” I hold the bottle up, wiping the soda off with my hand.

“Don’t worry about it. This car is thirty years old. This isn’t the first time soda’s been spilled on it.”

I grab a towel from the back and quickly wipe up the dark, sticky liquid running down the seat. Dammit, Jade! Look what you did, you worthless brat! My mom’s voice is screaming in my head. I wince, preparing to feel the sting of her hand as it slaps my face.

“It’s clean.” Ryan grabs hold of my arm, which is furiously drying the seat.

I put the towel on the floor by my feet. Ryan lets go of my arm and gets quiet. He knows how my mother haunts me sometimes and he knows I won’t talk about it because I don’t want to talk about my mother. She’s the past and the past is over. And although she gets in my head sometimes, it’s nothing I can’t handle. Ryan probably disagrees with that, but he knows that bugging me about it will only make us fight. So he remains silent.

Ryan is my brother. Well, not my real brother, but close enough. I met him six years ago when he moved into a house down the street from me. He was 15 at the time and I had a huge crush on him. He, of course, had no interest in dating a 12-year-old. So I gave up trying to win his affection and just hung out with him, acting as his annoying little sister. The role stuck and I’ve been annoying him ever since.

I scrunch up the open end of the potato chip bag and drop it behind my seat. “There. I won’t eat any more. Are you happy now?”

“I’d be happier if you ate an apple once in a while.”

“Baby steps, Ryan.” I return my feet to the dashboard and wipe my hands on my shorts to get rid of the salt that remains on my fingers.

“I’m getting off at the next exit. I need to get some gas and check in with Dad.”

“Let me call him.” I hold my hand out for the phone. “You know he’d rather talk to me anyway.”

Ryan smiles. “I know he would.” He reaches in his shirt pocket for his phone and hands it to me.

Ryan’s dad, Frank, volunteered to be my legal guardian after my mom died. Frank and my mom went to college together but lost track of each other when my mom dropped out. Her college career ended when a one night stand resulted in me. The sperm donor took off and she never heard from him again.

After I was born my mom never managed to get her life back on track. Instead she started drinking and got hooked on prescription drugs. I can’t remember a time when she was ever normal. My entire childhood was spent taking care of her. And to this day, I hate her for that.

When Frank moved in down the street he tried to be friends with my mom again, but she wanted nothing to do with him, probably because he kept trying to get her into rehab. Whenever she had one of her drunken meltdowns, I’d run off and stay at Frank’s house. Pretty soon I was staying at Frank’s almost every night, so it wasn’t that big a deal to move in with him and Ryan when my mom died.

“Hey, Frank,” I say when I hear him pick up. “We’re almost to Connecticut. And thank God, because your son is driving me crazy.” I smile as Ryan rolls his eyes. “I can’t take another minute in the car with him. Now he’s trying to ban me from eating potato chips. Can you believe that?”

“She’s had five bags,” he yells at the phone as I hold it by his face. “In two days! And not the little bags!”

I hear Frank laughing as I put the phone back to my ear. “See what I mean?”

“He just worries about you, honey. We both do.”

I get a lump in my throat as he says it. It’s only been a couple days and I already miss Frank. He’s been like a father to me ever since I became friends with Ryan and if he hadn’t taken me in years ago, I probably wouldn’t even be going to college.

“Has Ryan given you his lecture about college boys yet?” Frank laughs as he says it.

“No, but I’m sure he will.”

Ryan takes his big brother role seriously. He’s very protective of me, sometimes too much. I don’t like people protecting me. I can take care of myself just fine.

“So you’re almost to Connecticut?” Frank asks. “Are you getting nervous?”

“What’s there to be nervous about? It’s college. Big deal.”

Truthfully, I’m scared shitless. I have no idea what college will be like other than what I’ve seen in movies, which is basically a mix of sex, drugs, and alcohol. I have no idea what the classes will be like or the homework or the professors. At this point, the whole idea of going to college is freaking me out, but there’s no way I’d ever tell Frank or Ryan that.

“You’re going to be great there,” Frank says. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Here we go again.” I glance at Ryan. “I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“You know I’ll never stop saying it. Let’s talk later, Jade. I need to speak with Ryan.” I hand the phone back to Ryan as he pulls up to the gas pump. We both get out and I fill the tank while he talks to Frank. He paces back and forth shaking his head as he listens. Something must’ve happened.

Frank has multiple sclerosis. In the past few months, it’s gotten worse. He used to work as a newspaper reporter, but he had to quit last year because of his illness. He freelances when he feels up to it although lately he hasn’t been able to even do that. Sometimes he loses his balance and falls so now he has a wheelchair but he doesn’t always use it. Ryan hired a nurse to stay at the house while we’re gone because he didn’t want Frank being alone for all these days.

When the gas tank is full, I wait in the car for Ryan. A few minutes later, he gets in, still on the phone. “No, just let me call them. I’ll do it right now.” He pulls forward and parks in front of the gas station.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him as we get out again.

“Dad’s nurse quit today. I need to call the agency and get someone over there.” He reaches in the car for his wallet. “Let’s go inside. You need to eat an actual meal and I need to figure out this nurse situation.”

We go in the restaurant that’s attached to the gas station. There’s a row of red vinyl booths on one side and some wooden tables and chairs scattered on the other. Displayed on the walls is an odd assortment of mismatched frames that hold photos of horses and barns.

A love song from the seventies is playing from the speakers mounted in the ceiling. I try to ignore it so it doesn’t get stuck in my head the rest of the day, but I know it will. For some reason, only really crappy songs get stuck in my head, never the good ones. I wonder if that’s just me or if it happens to everyone.

The waitress seats us at one of the booths and hands us each a small plastic coated menu. I’m not that hungry due to the earlier potato chip binge, but I have to eat or Ryan will lecture me again on my junk food addiction.

“I know it’s short notice, but your nurse quit on me!” Ryan lowers his voice when he notices people staring. “Yes, fine. Call me back when you know.” He sets the phone down hard on the table, then takes a deep breath and moves his wavy brown hair off his face. He wears his hair a little long which I think gives him an artsy look even though he’s not at all artistic.

“Did they find a replacement?” I ask.

“No. She’s calling around. I can’t believe this happens when I’m halfway across the country.” He takes a sip of water. “Sorry, Jade. This was supposed to be our fun road trip across America kicking off your new life at college and it’s not turning out that way.”

“What are you talking about? We played road games. We sang along to the radio. We ate truck stop food. What’s not to love? This has been a great trip.”

My attempt to cheer him up falls flat. His mind is focused on his dad.

“Why don’t you have Chloe stop over and check on him?”

Ryan shakes his head. “Like I would ever ask her to do that. I’ve only dated her for a month. She hasn’t even been over to the house yet.”

“She seems nice. And it would be a good test. If she refuses to check in on your father, you’ll know to dump her now before things get too serious.”

“I need to make some calls. Just get me a chicken sandwich and fries.” He takes his phone and goes outside.

I order for both of us, then sit there in the vinyl booth, my bare legs sticking to the seat. I’m still sweaty from the hot car and the ice cold air conditioning is giving me chills.

My mind wanders to the college I’ll be arriving at soon. I’ve never been to Moorhurst College. I’ve only seen the brochure, which showed a photo of a big stone building surrounded by maple trees at the peak of autumn color. On the website there were photos of some of the students. They looked like rich, preppy kids who get whatever they want. I know Ryan told me not to judge, but it’s hard not to when you see those photos.

I look down at my white ribbed tank top and jean shorts which together cost $15. The people at Moorhurst probably spend more than that on a pair of socks.

I’m still not sure why they want me at this school. I didn’t even apply there. My guidance counselor just called me into his office one day and said I was offered a scholarship to some private college in Connecticut. He said I was awarded the Kensington Scholarship, named after a rich guy who owns a chemical company and donates a lot of money to the school. Apparently Mr. Kensington heard my story and was so inspired he offered me the scholarship. I didn’t even know I had a story. But apparently, a person with my background who ends up valedictorian is a story.

Ryan comes back to the table in a much better mood. “Okay, it’s all set. The agency is sending someone over within the hour.”

“Why does someone have to get over there so fast? Did something happen to Frank?”

“Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine now. Our road trip adventure continues.”

He’s hiding something. He always gets overly enthusiastic when he’s keeping bad news from me. Frank must be getting worse and Ryan doesn’t want me to worry. I don’t ask because I know he won’t tell me.

We eat dinner, then get back on the road. A little over an hour later we exit off the interstate onto a road that winds through a maze of trees. Connecticut is nothing like Iowa. In Iowa you can see for miles. The land is flat and there’s nothing obstructing your view. Rows of corn and soybean fields cover almost the entire state. Here in Connecticut I can only see what’s straight ahead or behind us. Tall, leafy trees line both sides of the road. I don’t even see any houses. They must be buried within the trees.

“Could you check the directions?” Ryan hands me his phone. “We should have seen it by now.”

I swipe through his phone. “You have a message from Chloe. Do you want me to see what it says?”

He grabs for the phone, but I hold it high so he can’t reach. “Come on. Just check the directions.”

“Geez. Calm down. What does she send you? Naked pictures?” He doesn’t answer. “Okay, it should be right up ahead.”

I look up as we pass a large granite sign that reads Moorhurst College.

“Turn around. You missed it.”

“I did? Really? I swear, you can’t see a thing with these trees.” Ryan turns the car around and drives slowly back the other way. I show him where to turn. We drive up a hill on a long entrance road and finally reach the campus.

It looks like something from a movie. The buildings are covered in light colored stone with ivy growing up the sides. Some have big pillars in front. They remind me of those really old buildings you see in England. Not that I’ve ever been to England, but I’ve seen pictures. The buildings line the perimeter of campus forming a square and in the middle there’s a large grassy area with benches and giant shade trees.

I spot a group of students hanging out under one of the trees. They’re stumbling around like they’re drunk, which they probably are since it’s Friday night. Other than that, the campus seems pretty empty. School doesn’t start for four more days so a lot of people haven’t moved in yet. Ryan made us leave early in case we had car trouble along the way. Unfortunately for me we didn’t and now I’m stuck being one of the first people on campus.

Ryan parks in front of Carlson Hall, the place I’ll be living for the next four years. “Well, this is it. What do you think? Pretty fancy, huh?”

“It’s just a bunch of old buildings. It’s not that fancy.” I try to sound calm but inside my stomach is a churning bundle of nerves. I don’t know what I expected, but this is not it. The campus seems small and intimate. I don’t do small and intimate. I prefer big and detached.

As I look around and take it all in, I’m already feeling claustrophobic.

 

 


 

 

 

“Are you getting out or what?” Ryan is holding my door open. “Let’s go find your RA and see where your room is.”

I step out of the car, suddenly feeling like I might throw up. Where is this coming from? I’m stronger than this. Way stronger. I take a deep breath, hoping the feeling is just carsickness from driving through those winding roads.

The inside of the residence hall smells old and musty, like a museum, making the sick feeling in my stomach creep up into my throat. I keep an eye out for a bathroom just in case I get sick.

Dark wooden doors with numbers on them line the hallway. We stop at one that has an RA sign on it. Ryan knocks on the door and a tall thin girl with long black hair and olive skin answers.

She looks at me and smiles. “Hi, are you moving in?” She has a slight foreign accent, but I can’t tell where it’s from.

“Yeah, I’m Jade Taylor. And this is Ryan, but he’s not moving in. He just drove me here.”

“Great, nice to meet you both. I’m Jasmine. Welcome to Moorhurst. Let me grab your key.” She turns back and takes a key from a box on her desk, then grabs a large folder sitting next to it. “This is your housing information packet.” She hands me the folder. “Go through it and if you have any questions, just let me know. Follow me. I’ll show you your room.”

She leads us to the very end of the hall, right by the stairwell. She opens the door, then hands me the key. “The rooms are small but you’ll get used to it.”

I scan the room. It’s not that small. But I guess if you’re used to living in a mansion, like the other students are, then it probably seems like a closet. The room has white walls that look freshly painted, light wood floors, and a window covered with beige curtains. There’s a twin bed, a tall wooden dresser, and a small desk with a chair. A giant basket is sitting on the desk.

“That’s a welcome gift from the Kensingtons,” Jasmine says.

I go over and unwrap the cellophane around the basket. It’s overflowing with an assortment of items stamped with the Moorhurst logo; a t-shirt, hooded sweatshirt, keychain, coffee mug, plastic cup, shorts, sweatpants, socks, and other items. There’s even a cover for the cell phone I don’t own.

“Looks like they bought out the whole campus bookstore,” Ryan comments.

“Well, I’ll let you get settled,” Jasmine says. “If you need anything, just stop by.”

She leaves and I shut the door and sit on the thin bare mattress on the bed.

Ryan stands there surveying the room. “I don’t think it’s that small. And you hardly have any stuff so you’ll have plenty of room.” He sits next to me. “Jasmine seems cool, right?”

“I don’t know her well enough to say. But from her name alone, she doesn’t seem that cool. She’s named after a cartoon princess. That speaks volumes about her personality.”

“What did I say about judging people?”

“I’m just saying that I doubt we’ll be friends. I don’t get along with people like her. I doubt I’ll get along with anyone here which is fine with me.”

“Cut that shit out right now. You’re never going to make friends with that I-don’t-care-about-anything-or-anyone attitude. Besides you can’t keep that act going for four years. You’re not at all like that. You know that, right?”

“I have no interest in being friends with any of these people. I’m here to get an education. That’s it.”

Ryan turns to me, his lecture face on. “You can’t go four years without any friends. Not everyone here is a stuck up snob. And just because people are rich doesn’t mean they aren’t good people. You need to get out and do stuff. Interact with other students. Go to football games. Go to some parties. That’s what people do in college. Well, I don’t, but I’m the exception to the rule.”

“You know I don’t like parties, Ryan.”

“Yes, I know. But you don’t have to drink. Just go there and hang out. And if it gets out of hand, just leave.”

“It always gets out of hand. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

He stands up and faces me. “Dammit, Jade. You keep saying you want to forget your past and then you keep bringing it up. You’re not your mother. You don’t drink. You don’t do drugs. You don’t do any of the stuff she did.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have said it. I’m done talking about her. Let’s go unpack the car.” I take his hand and drag him out of the room.

“Did you just say that I’m right? That’s a first.”

“First and only. Don’t get used to it.”

We go outside and start unpacking the trunk, which holds a few boxes and some garbage bags stuffed with clothes, sheets, and towels. As I’m picking up one of the bags, it splits open on the bottom and clothes start seeping out.

“Shit, I knew I should’ve got—”

“Can I help?” The voice seems to be coming from a guy, but I can’t really see him because the bag I’m holding is blocking my view. I peer around it to see him picking my clothes off the ground. “Here, you take these and I’ll take the bag. It looks heavy.”

“I can handle heavy.” I snatch the tank tops he’s holding, then turn my back to him and maneuver the torn bag a different way so it doesn’t tear even more. I feel the guy watching me. “You can go now. We don’t need any help.”

Ryan clears his throat. “Um, Jade, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

Every part of me wants to kill Ryan right here and now. This make-a-friend kick he’s forcing me into is beyond annoying.

I turn around, the bag still teetering in my arms and extend my hand. “Hi, I’m Jade. Nice to meet you.” The bag is blocking my face again.

“I think you’re in there somewhere. You sure you don’t want some help with that bag?” The guy slowly takes the bag from me, holding onto the torn end. I give up and let him have it.

He’s really tall, like 6’3 or 6’4, and has broad shoulders. The bag looks tiny with him carrying it. He holds it with one arm and extends his hand with the other. “Hi, I’m Garret.”

It’s dark out, but the campus lights provide enough illumination for me to check out this Garret guy. He’s not bad. Okay, he’s hot. Like extremely hot, which means he’s probably a complete ass who uses girls, then tosses them aside. Guys that good looking always get what they want, then move on.

“She’s right on the first floor if you want to follow me.” Ryan motions the guy to the door. I quickly grab another bag and slam the trunk shut, making sure to give Ryan the evil eye as I walk past him.

“Are you a freshman?” Ryan asks Garret once we’re in my room.

“Yeah, I moved in this morning. I actually live right upstairs.”

“Do you know anyone here?”

I give Ryan a look to shut up and let the guy leave, but he ignores me.

“I know a ton of people. Half my prep school ended up here. It’s almost like we’re just continuing high school.”

“Isn’t that great, Jade? He knows a ton of people. He can introduce you around.”

“Yeah. Great. I’m going back to the car.” I start to leave, but Garret stops me.

“Where are you from?”

I turn around and look at him. It’s hard not to stare. He’s that good looking. “Iowa. Des Moines, Iowa.”

Garret doesn’t say anything.

“It’s in the middle,” I explain. “East of Nebraska. West of Illinois. South of Minnesota. North of—”

“Yeah, I know where it is,” he says. “You’re the Kensington Scholarship winner, right?”

How did he know that? Did they include my bio in the orientation packet? Or did the garbage bag suitcases give me away?

“Yeah, that’s me. Anyway, I need to unpack so I’ll see you around.”

“Let me help. I’m not doing anything.”

“No, that’s not—”

“That’d be great,” Ryan says. “Thanks!”

I scowl at him once again. He smiles back.

With the three of us carrying stuff, it only takes a couple more trips to get everything inside.

“Okay, well, thanks for the help,” I say to Garret, praying that Ryan will finally let the guy leave.

“Sure. If you need anything else, just come upstairs. My room is about halfway down the hall.”

Once he’s gone I slam the door shut. “What the hell was that about?” I whisper-scream to Ryan.

“I was helping you make friends. He seemed okay, didn’t he?”

“I didn’t notice. It’s late. I’m super tired. And look at me!” I pull on my tank top. “I’ve been stuck in these sweaty clothes all day. I stink. And you thought now was a good time to introduce me to people?”

“That guy didn’t care. And it’s like 100 degrees outside. Everyone is sweating.”

“I need to shower and go to bed.” I dump one of the garbage bags out on the floor and begin searching for pajamas.

“I’ll guess I’ll head to the motel. I should call Chloe and check on Dad. I’ll come by around 8 and we’ll go to breakfast.”

“And then you’re leaving?” My voice sounds sad and a little desperate. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. The last thing I need is for Ryan to think I can’t handle being alone.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I have to start heading back. It’s a long drive and I need to get home to take care of Dad.”

“I know. I was just giving you a hard time. Go call your girlfriend. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He leaves and the sick feeling gnaws at my stomach again. A shower will help. Once I’m clean and get some sleep I’m sure I’ll feel better.

I dig through a box for my shower supplies, then grab my pajama shorts and a t-shirt and head to the communal bathroom. I thought it was bad having to share a bathroom with Frank and Ryan, but this is way worse. There’s no privacy at all. And I’m all about privacy. Luckily nobody’s in there.

Halfway through my shower, I hear some girls come into the bathroom. Living on a floor full of girls will take some adjustment. I’ve never had many female friends and the ones I did have I only saw when I was at school. There was no way I would invite anyone over to my house with my mom there.

“Did you see Garret?” one of the girls says. “He was just on our floor. God, he looks even hotter than when I saw him in Cabo. I told you I saw him there, right?”

“Did you two hook up?” another girl asks.

“No. He said he was dating some girl he met during his internship in DC.”

“Are they still going out?” the other girl asks.

“How should I know? I ran into him like 5 minutes ago. Why don’t you ask him tonight? I’m sure he’ll be at the party.”

I wait for them to leave, then hurry back to my room. I grab my comforter and wrap myself in it like a sleeping bag. I’m too tired to make the bed and the comforter reminds me of home.

As soon as I’m situated, I hear a knock on the door. “Jade? Are you in there?”

What the hell? Who could possibly be knocking on my door? I don’t know anyone here. I ignore it, but the knocking continues.

“Jade? It’s Garret.”

What does he want? I’ve been here less than two hours and already have some crazy guy stalking me? Those girls in the bathroom were looking for him. He should go bother them instead. I get up to answer the door, my hair sopping wet, the comforter still wrapped around me.

I open the door just a little. “Hi, Garret. What do you need?”

He looks surprised. “I didn’t know you were sleeping. It’s kind of early, isn’t it?”

“It’s 10. It’s not that early. And I’m tired from the drive.” I’m staring at him again. I can’t stop myself. He has on a white t-shirt and dark jeans, my favorite combo. His skin has a golden tan and his eyes are this really cool shade of aqua blue. He has a strong jawline that’s covered in a light layer of stubble. His dark brown hair is short on the sides but longer on top, spiked up a little in front. His body is lean and muscular, like he might be an athlete. And he smells good. Really good.

“I just wanted to invite you to this party I’m going to. I was heading over there and thought you might want to come with me and meet some people. Is your boyfriend still here? Because he can come, too.”

I hear the silence around us and realize that it’s my turn to speak. “My what?”

“Your boyfriend. That guy I met earlier?”

A short laugh escapes as I think of Ryan as my boyfriend. “Ryan’s not my boyfriend. He’s more like an older brother. He just drove me here. He’s heading back tomorrow.”

Garret smiles which draws my attention to his mouth. He has a nice smile. Full lips and straight white teeth. “Then what do you say? You want to go?”

He glances down at my comforter-wrapped body. I follow his gaze and notice that I’ve let the comforter slip down to my waist exposing the skimpy t-shirt I’m wearing—without a bra, of course. I quickly pull the comforter up to cover myself.

“No, I’m really tired. But thanks for asking.”

“Come on. You can’t spend your first night on campus in this crappy dorm room.”

“Yeah, actually I can.” It sounds rude. I can hear Ryan scolding me in my head, telling me to act friendly. “I mean, I’m just really tired from the drive. Maybe some other time.”

“How about tomorrow? There’s a party just down the street from here.”

“Sure. See you then.” I don’t like parties, but I agree to go just to get rid of him. I’m sure by tomorrow night he’ll forget he even asked me.

“Great. Well, goodnight.”

I close the door and lock it. I can’t figure out why this guy has declared himself the one-person welcome committee for Moorhurst College and why he’s zeroed in on me of all people. There’s got to be other new students he could harass at this hour.

I lie in bed exhausted but unable to sleep. I hear some girls running down the hall, laughing. I’m used to sleeping in silence. Ryan and Frank never made a sound at night and my mother was usually passed out drunk.

“Kristen, I need to borrow your red stilettos,” I hear a girl say. It sounds like she’s in the hallway next to my room.

“No, you ruined the last pair. Plus you’ll spend the night at Craig’s and he’s got that stupid dog that chewed up the last pair of shoes I let you borrow.”

Why do these girls insist on having this conversation right outside my door? Do they not understand that people are trying to sleep?

The one girl raises her voice. “Don’t be such a bitch. Your mom will buy you new ones. Plus, you’ve got more shoes than you could ever wear.”

“Forget it. You’re not borrowing them. I have to grab my purse. I’ll be right back.”

I hear loud footsteps stomping down the hall, stopping abruptly at my door. “Hey, babe. Get that hot ass in the truck. We’re leaving.”

I assume it’s the hot ass’ boyfriend. She giggles like a little girl as something smashes into my door. I hope to God they’re not pressed up against my door making out, but it kind of sounds like that’s exactly what’s happening. After a few minutes, I hear them finally leave.

It’s quieter now, but I can’t sleep knowing that I’m stuck here for the next four years. I’m not sure how I’ll survive given that I’ve barely been at Moorhurst three hours and I already hate it. Just a few weeks ago, the thought of going far away to college sounded like the perfect plan. I’d get away from all the crap of my old life and start fresh. But now I feel lost and alone. I guess this is why so many people drop out of college after the first or second week.

You wanna give up? Then give up! You’ll end up just like me! Is that what you want? You wanna end up like me? I hear my mom’s voice in my head again. Those were the words she said when I was crying on the first day of kindergarten. She repeated those words every time I cried or showed the slightest sign of weakness. At least I can give her credit for that. Those words stuck with me all these years. They’re the words I Iive by. Because I don’t want to end up like her. I can’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen.

I will not give up. I will not drop out and go running home. I’m strong. I can do anything. I repeat the phrases over and over again until I finally fall asleep.

Ryan arrives at 8 a.m. sharp. I’ve been up since 6 when the morning sun started filtering through the useless curtains on my window. I watched the minutes on the clock tick slowly by waiting for Ryan’s familiar face to show up. I’m dying to see a familiar face.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.” I push past him and shut the door, locking it. I just want out of that room and out of that dorm. “Where do you want to go? Did you see any restaurants on your way here?”

He grabs my arm. “What’s with the crazy rush? Are you trying to hurry and eat so you can get rid of me?”

His statement couldn’t be more untrue. I desperately want him to stay. At least until my first day of class on Wednesday. It’s only Saturday. What am I going to do with all this free time before school starts?

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m just starving. Let’s go eat.”

“But I thought we could walk around campus first. You didn’t even get to see it last night.”

“I’ll see plenty of it later. Let’s just go.” I pull on him, trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

We find a restaurant a couple miles away. It’s loud with screaming kids and clanking dishes. I don’t do well with loud noises. I get very anxious and feel like I can’t breathe. When my mom was alive, she would yell and throw things or bang pans together to get my attention. When I got older, I’d run out of the house to escape the noise.

“How was your first night at college?” Ryan asks. He’s way more excited about the whole college thing than I am.

I hesitate, wishing I could tell him the truth. But I can’t. Over the years, I’ve learned that people really don’t like the truth. The truth is ugly and painful. It’s uncomfortable. It makes you question things. It creates uncertainty. People don’t want that. They want to hear a version of the truth that meets the expectations they’ve already conjured up in their own head. And Ryan has conjured up the idea of me living this picture-perfect happy life at a prestigious private college.

“It was great,” I say, smiling but also cringing as the toddler in the seat behind me lets out a high-pitched scream.

“Did you meet anyone last night or did you go right to bed?”

“I met some girls when I was in the bathroom,” I lie. “They were really friendly and they live on my floor.”

“See? I knew you’d make friends right away.”

“And that Garret guy stopped by again. He thought you and I were dating. I almost couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Huh. So he’s trying to see if you have a boyfriend.” Ryan gets his overprotective look. “I want you to be careful around these college guys. Keep practicing those self defense moves I taught you and don’t be afraid to use them.”

“Okay, Dad.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m serious. Remember, bony parts meet soft parts equals pain. Jab an elbow in his eye or a knee in his groin.”

“Yeah, enough of that. I’m trying to eat breakfast.”

“I’m just saying. It works. You may need it someday, especially if you’ve got pretty boy knocking on your door all the time. What did he want anyway?”

Pretty boy? I guess Garret is kind of a pretty boy. Like a male model for one of those preppy clothing brands.

“He invited me to a party tonight. I told him I’d go, but I’m sure I won’t.”

“You should go. But go with a group of girls. You shouldn’t get in a car alone with a guy you just met.”

“He said it’s close to campus. We’ll probably just walk there.”

The toddler behind me screams again making me nearly jump from my seat. The screaming doesn’t stop. It’s too loud. Way too loud. My feet start nervously tapping the floor under the table.

Ryan doesn’t seem to notice the noise. “Still, just go with those girls you met. It’s safer.” He pours more syrup on his pancakes.

“You worry way too much. You’re like a 50-year-old stuck in a 21-year-old’s body.”

He keeps his eyes down on his plate and I realize I shouldn’t have said that. I know Ryan doesn’t want to be that way. He wants to be a carefree college student like other guys his age. Instead he’s been forced into this caretaker role for his dad. I suppose that would’ve been my future, too, if my mom hadn’t died. I’d be the responsible caretaker of my drunk, pill-addicted mother.

I kick his foot under the table. “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that. I like that you’re responsible. I was just kidding.”

He sets his fork down and looks at me across the table. I know that look. And I know I won’t like whatever he’s about to say.

 


 

 

 

“I have some bad news. I was going to wait until after breakfast but I might as well tell you now. My dad—” Ryan stops for a moment as the bus boy cleans the table next to us, banging dishes together. When he leaves, Ryan continues. “Dad went to the hospital in the middle of the night in an ambulance.”

“Why? What happened?” I swallow hard as my feet continue to anxiously tap the floor.

Before he can answer, the toddler behind me goes into total tantrum mode, stomping repeatedly on the seat of the booth and screaming even louder than before. I can’t take another second of it. It’s so much noise and I need it to be quiet right now.

I whip around and glare at the parents who don’t seem to notice the excruciating sounds coming their child. “What the hell? Can’t you make that thing be quiet? I mean, seriously? Are you not hearing this?”

They stare at me as if I’m the rudest person on the planet. I turn back around. Ryan’s red with embarrassment, trying not to make eye contact with the people behind me. Meanwhile the kid continues to scream.

“Let’s just leave. I’ll be at the car.” I get up and storm out the door, not waiting for him. I’m doing all I can not to break down into a sobbing mess. I can’t handle Frank being this sick. I can’t handle something bad happening to him. He’s my family. He and Ryan are all I have. They’re the only people in the world who care that I even exist.

I take some deep breaths and wipe away the liquid that has pooled on the inside corners of my eyes. Ryan meets me by the car and unlocks the doors.

“My freaking allergies are acting up with all these trees everywhere.” I reach down and grab a tissue from the box on the floor of the car. “God, can you believe that kid? And what the hell is wrong the parents?”

Ryan doesn’t answer. He remains quiet as we drive back to campus. I wish he’d just finish telling me about Frank and get it over with. His silence makes me worry even more.

“Do you want to go sit somewhere?” he asks when we’re back on campus.

“Yeah, but let’s stay outside.”

I feel like I might throw up the pancakes I just ate, so there’s no way I could go in my residence hall with its old, musty stench.

I lead Ryan to the open grassy area in the middle of campus. We take a seat on one of the benches under a giant oak tree. It’s a beautiful late summer morning. The humid air has been replaced by a light, almost cool breeze, as if fall has decided to make a brief appearance before summer finishes up.

“So how bad is it? Is he going to die?” I blurt it out. It’s completely selfish of me to mention Frank’s possible death like that. I know it’s the last thing Ryan wants to hear or even consider. But I hate bad news and if it’s bad news I want to be told quickly. Like a bandage being ripped off, not slowly peeled away.

“No, it’s not like that. He got dizzy and fell when he got up to use the bathroom in the night. He wasn’t using his wheelchair.”

“So why is he in the hospital?”

“It was a bad fall. He bruised his ribs and has a stress fracture in his arm.” Ryan takes a deep breath and lets it out. “The doctors said his disease is progressing faster than they expected. Plus he has some other health issues and the MS only complicates those.”

“I don’t understand. What are you trying to say? That Frank won’t be okay?”

“They’re running some tests today and tomorrow. They should know more after that. They’re keeping him in the hospital until at least tomorrow afternoon.”

I get the feeling Ryan’s only telling me part of the story. He always worries about his dad, but he seems even more worried than normal. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m terrible at comforting people. Probably because nobody ever comforted me.

He leans forward resting his forearms on his knees. “I did some thinking last night and I decided to take this semester off.”

“But, Ryan, that’ll mess up your plans for med school. You’ll have to wait another whole year to start.”

“Med school might be on hold indefinitely now. I have to take care of my dad. As you witnessed yesterday, I can’t count on those home health care people. And I can’t afford it. We have medical bills that—” He stops. “Never mind. It’s just that med school is expensive and I need to take care of my dad. I’ll finish college later. Maybe I’ll go back in the spring. I just need to take this semester off and get a job to help pay bills.”

“Have we always been in debt like this? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve got a job and helped out.”

He sits up and lays his arm along the back of the bench. “You had a job. Going to school, getting good grades, and getting into college.”

“I mean a real job. A paying job. Sacking groceries or waitressing. Anything.”

“Enough talk about money. Let me worry about that. I want you to have a normal college experience. Have fun. Don’t even think about this. I’m sure everything will work out.”

“Not if Frank doesn’t get better,” I mumble.

Ryan gets up. “I really hate leaving you so soon, but I need to get on the road. I have to pick up Dad when he’s released tomorrow.”

“You’ll have to drive all night in order to make it there. That’s like 22 hours hours of driving.”

He laughs. “I know. I just drove it. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ll stock the car with caffeine on my way out of town. Do you need anything before I leave?”

“No, I don’t need anything. But you’ll call me later, right? Let me know how he’s doing?”

“Yeah, I will. Set up the voicemail on your room phone so I can leave a message if you’re not home.”

“I’m sure I’ll be home but I’ll get it set up.”

“I’m really sorry I can’t get you a cell phone, but I can barely pay for this one.”

“It’s okay. I don’t need one.” My eyes are pooling with liquid again, infuriating me.

Ryan waits for me to get up, then pulls me into a hug. “I’ll miss you, Jade.”

Dammit! Why did he have to say that? And what the hell’s with this hug? We never hug! I feel more tears building. My face hurts and my throat burns as I try to hold them back. Ryan starts to pull away, but I don’t let him. I have to get control of myself first. I close my eyes and think of my mom yelling at me, telling me I’m weak and how weak people never go anywhere in life. Thinking of her shuts off the tears completely and I’m finally able to let him go.

He smiles. “You annoy the hell out of me, but I’ll still miss you.”

I punch him. “Like you’re not annoying with your constant safety reminders and junk food bans?”

“You know you love me, even when I nag you about shit.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. “Here.” He hands me a stack of twenties. “When you need more, just call.”

“I’m not taking this!” I shove it back in his hand. “You just told me you had no money. You need that for gas to get home. I don’t need money here. Everything’s paid for.”

He takes my hand and places the money in it, forcing my fingers to close around it. “You should always have cash. What if you need to take a cab or a bus somewhere? Or maybe you’ll need it for laundry or to feed your potato chip addiction.”

My stupid eyes get watery again as I look down at the wad of cash in my hand.

“Thanks, Ryan.” Now my voice is shaky. God, I hate this. I hate people being nice and I hate saying goodbye. A tear escapes my eye and runs down my cheek. I pretend it isn’t there, but I know he sees it.

He puts his arm around my shoulder. “Hey, I know it’s tough being so far from home, but you’ll get into a routine and everything will get better. Call me whenever you want, okay? Even if it’s the middle of the night.”

We walk slowly back to the car. I want to act like that toddler at the restaurant and scream and cry at the top of my lungs, begging him not to leave me here. But I can’t, so instead I say, “Have a safe trip.”

“It won’t be as fun without my travel companion, but at least I can pick the radio station now.” He gets in the car and rolls the window down. “Go to the party tonight. It’ll be good for you. Don’t hide in your room, okay?”

“Yes. I know. Bye, Ryan.”

“Bye, Jade.” He backs out and I watch as he drives away.

I’m left feeling empty and alone and completely out of place. My chest is so tight that just the simple act of breathing is difficult. I look around at the open quad, focusing on the lush, green grass, trying to relax.

It’s only 10 in the morning. I have the whole day left in this strange place with nothing to do and no one to talk to. And even more days after that. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to school so far from home. I can’t handle it. Maybe I am weak, just like my mother said.

I go back to my room and dump all of my garbage bags out on the floor. I find some running shorts and a t-shirt and put them on, then head back outside. There has to be a track somewhere on this campus.

I run past the buildings down a small hill and there it is, next to the gym and the tennis courts. I breathe a sigh of relief. I need to run. It’s the only thing that will make me feel better. When I run, I almost go into a trance. I listen to the rhythm of my breath and the sound of my shoes hitting the ground and together they form a pattern that’s oddly soothing.

I usually don’t like to run on a track, but today it’s exactly what I need. I like how predictable it is. Straight then curved, then straight, then curved.

As soon as I start running, I feel the calmness I was craving. I get lost in the repetition of my movement around the oval track and I lose all sense of time. After a while the sun is really hot and I realize that it’s probably way past noon. I take a break and sit at the side of the track, completely soaked in sweat.

“Have a good run?”

I turn to see Garret walking toward me in navy athletic shorts and a gray t-shirt. It looks like he’s been running, too, although he’s not nearly as sweaty as me.

“It was all right,” I say. “I don’t usually run on a track.”

“You should’ve come with me. I ran a couple miles around campus.”

I shake my head, sweat dripping off me like a wet dog. “That’s not far enough. I usually run 8 or 9 miles.”

He sits down next to me. As in right next to me. Can he not see how sweaty I am? I’m sure he can smell me from 10 feet away. I can’t even stand the smell of myself.

“Eight or 9 miles? You must be a serious runner. I’m a swimmer. I only run to improve my cardio for the pool. I do a couple miles at a normal pace and then I do sprints on the track.”

So that’s why he has that body. He’s a swimmer. That explains the broad shoulders and narrow waist V shape he’s got going on.

“Go ahead.” I point to the empty track. “It’s all yours.”

“Why don’t you do them with me?” he asks in a challenging tone. “Let’s race.”

I never turn down a challenge. Well, sometimes I do, but it’s rare. “I’m a distance runner, not a sprinter. But a distance runner can beat a swimmer any day. This should be easy.” I stand up, stretching my legs which are stiffening up after my short break.

“You think you can beat me, huh?” He stretches as well. “So what’s with the insults? You don’t like swimmers?”

I shrug. “Swimmers are okay. I just don’t think they have to work that hard. I mean, the water makes you basically weightless. It’s easy to go fast when you don’t have to drag your body weight around. You don’t get that benefit with running.”

His jaw basically drops to the ground. I’ve just insulted both him and something that’s near and dear to his heart. Apparently this has never happened to him before. Pretty boy must be used to only getting compliments.

“Are you shitting me? Did you just say swimmers don’t work hard?”

“Yeah, why?” For some reason, I’m really loving insulting this guy.

“Game on, Iowa girl. Get your ass in position.”

He sets himself up in lane one of the track. I take my sweet time walking over to lane two, yawning just for added effect.

“Do you need a head start?” I ask him, stretching my arms behind my back.

“Damn, you’re annoying.” He smiles when he says it. “We do one lap around. Ready? Three, two, one. Go!”

I take off down the lane, my eyes straight ahead pretending he’s not there. I quickly round the first end of the track and hit the straightaway. I imagine myself running far away from that place. Running back home and seeing Frank and Ryan again. I round the next end and keep running.

“Stop! We’re done!” I hear Garret’s voice and slow down, noticing that I’m already halfway through a second time around the track. I finish the loop and meet up with him again. He’s bent over, hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

“Okay, I admit it. You’re fast,” he says, panting as sweat drips off his face.

“Fast? That was my normal pace.”

He glances up at me, trying to figure out if I’m kidding. Then he stands up straight and wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Remind me never to do that again.” He walks over to the edge of the track and gets his water bottle. “You should sign up for cross country or track. You’re really fast.”

“Nah. I ran cross country in high school. Now I just run when I’m stressed.” It’s true, but I wish I hadn’t said it. It makes me sound weak and I hate sounding weak, especially around a guy.

“What are you stressed about? School?”

“No. I didn’t mean that I only run when I’m stressed. I run for all kinds of reasons. Like today I ran because it’s nice outside and I’m bored.”

“You want some?” He offers me the water bottle. I’m a little hesitant to drink out of it, assuming pretty boy has herpes or some other contagious STD. But I’m dying of thirst, so I take it from him. “If you’re bored, let’s do something. I’ll show you around and we can grab lunch somewhere.”

“I can’t. I have stuff to do. I need to unpack and make my bed.” It sounds really pathetic, but I don’t have any other excuse. I gulp the water and hand him the bottle back.

He takes a drink and a drop comes out. “You drank the whole thing! What did you do that for? I’m dying here.”

“You didn’t say how much I could have. You should really be clearer next time.”

He stares at me like he’s never come across someone like me before.

“Fine. Give it here.” I hold my hand out. “I’ll go fill it up for you.”

“Forget it. I’m heading back now anyway. I can’t do any more sprints after that.” He starts to leave the track, then turns back. “Aren’t you coming?”

What is with this guy? He won’t leave me alone. “You go ahead. I’ll stay here and stretch.”

“We’re having lunch. Come on. Let’s go.”

I find myself following him as he walks up the hill. Why am I following him? It makes absolutely no sense. And I don’t like it. I never follow. I lead. But for some reason I’m intrigued by this guy, even if he is a swimmer.

 


 

 

 

“I never said I was having lunch with you,” I say, catching up to him.

“You need to eat, right? And you’re bored? So we’re having lunch. What do you like? Mexican? Italian? Burgers?”

I grab his arm, making him stop. “Hold on. Why do you keep trying to get me to do stuff? Coming to my room last night. Finding me at the track. Making me go to lunch. Are you stalking me or something?”

“Do you feel like you’re being stalked?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Then I’m not stalking you.” He turns and starts walking again. “I was just trying to be nice. But you’re making it very difficult. I thought people from the Midwest were supposed to be friendly. I’m not getting that vibe from you at all.” He says it jokingly although I’m sure he agrees with the statement at least somewhat. I definitely haven’t been friendly to him.

“The friendly thing is a myth. We just say that to attract tourists.” I race to keep up with his fast pace. “Why are you making such an effort to be nice? You don’t even know me.”

“Because I know it sucks to be in a new place where you don’t know anyone. My dad sent me to boarding school in London back in seventh grade and I hated it. I didn’t like any of the people there and I hated being so far from home. I started sneaking out at night hoping they’d kick me out of school. It didn’t work so I set my room on fire and within a week I was back home.”

“So where’s home?”

“About a half hour from here.” He opens the residence hall door for me. “That’s why I figured I’d show you around town. I know everything about this area.” He stops at the door to my room. “Don’t take too long. I’m starving.”

“Want to meet back here in 15?”

He looks confused. “You mean like 15 minutes? You can get ready that fast?”

“Uh, yeah. Why? Didn’t you just tell me to hurry up?”

“I’ve just never met a girl who can get ready in 15 minutes. I was thinking you’d need at least an hour.”

“An hour? Who takes an hour to get ready for lunch?”

“I guess not you. Okay, 15 minutes. I don’t even know if I can get ready that fast.” He takes off through the door to the upstairs.

I shower and quickly dry my hair, then throw on shorts and a white t-shirt. To keep things simple, I only wear black or white shirts. Years ago, I realized that trying to keep up with the latest colors in fashion was both stupid and expensive. So I decided to just go with the classic black and white. I could have gone all black but then I’d get a reputation as some goth chick and I didn’t need people talking about me more than they already did. That’s why I mix it up with white.

Seventeen minutes later Garret comes racing out from the stairwell. I’m standing outside my door, waiting for him.

“Damn, you weren’t kidding,” he says. “You really can get ready that fast.”

“So what took you so long? Had to style your hair or something?” I can’t seem to stop hurling insults at this guy. Maybe because I know I’d never date him. First of all, I’ve already decided that I’m not getting into a relationship in college. And second, a rich, popular, pretty boy like Garret would never date someone like me.

“I’m going to ignore that,” he says, walking down the hall without me. He seems a little mad. Maybe I took it too far. I catch up with him when we’re outside.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to piss you off. Sorry.”

He stops and smiles at me. “So you can be nice. You just choose not to be.”

I smile back. “Exactly. So you might want to bail on lunch. I used up all my niceness just now and you may not be able to handle whatever I say next.”

“I can handle it.” He walks up to a black BMW in the parking lot and opens the passenger door for me. “So what do you want to eat?”

“I thought we were eating on campus.”

“The dining halls aren’t open yet. Didn’t you read your housing packet? They don’t open until Tuesday.”

Shit! What am I supposed to do for food the next few days? I’ll have to take a cab or the bus to a grocery store. Good thing Ryan gave me money.

“Are you getting in or are we going to stand here all day?”

“Oh, um, can’t we just walk somewhere? I can’t get into cars with strangers.”

He laughs. “You sound like my little sister. She’s six.”

I feel my face getting hot. “Yeah, I didn’t mean to say it like that. What I meant is that I don’t know you that well, so I don’t trust you to drive me somewhere.”

“Really? Am I that scary?”

I look him up and down. He doesn’t look scary. He looks hot. White polo shirt, light-colored shorts, sunglasses, deep tan.

“Do you want references or something? Because I know Jasmine, your RA. She’ll tell you that I’m perfectly safe to be around.” He stands there waiting for me, the door still open. “Come on. I thought Midwest people were trusting.”

“Trusting is just a nicer word for stupid or naive. And I’m neither one of those things.” I hesitate, not sure what to do. He seems all right but I’ve seen plenty of pretty boys tried for murder on the news. And around here, he could easily dump my body in the woods and nobody would ever find it.

“Hey, Garret.” Jasmine walks by, waving at him.

He calls over to her. “Jaz, wait. Come here for a minute.” She walks over to us. “Tell the new girl I’m normal and not some crazy psychopath.”

She looks confused. “What?”

“She’s afraid to get in my car because she doesn’t know me well enough. She wants references and you’re it.”

“Um, okay.” She turns to me. “I’ve known Garret since middle school. Sometimes he can be an ass, but the majority of the time he’s a good guy.” She turns and walks away.

“What the hell? I’m not an ass,” Garret yells at her.

She yells back, “The ass part’s for breaking up with my sister.”

He shakes his head. “I went out with her sister one time. I didn’t ask her out again and Jasmine’s been pis


Date: 2015-02-28; view: 361


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