TWENTY‑ONE

WREN

I RAN.

Mostly because I didn’t know what else to do.

Maybe I was trying to outrun Grayson’s Mike Pearson confession.

Or maybe I was trying to sprint away from the awful feeling that I’d been humped‑and‑dumped again. At least, this time, I was the one doing the dumping.

Whatever the reason, I booked it like I’d never had before.

Five blocks, long blocks , after I’d left the A&P parking lot, a jagged pain seared up my right side under my rib cage, letting me know how not a runner I really was. I doubled over in the middle of the sidewalk, hands on my knees, panting. I collapsed onto the front steps of a large yellow house. I leaned on the slightly rusted railing, sucking in gulps of frigid air until my breathing became almost normal.

The pain grounded me in the moment. I could focus on my breath and not on the haunted look in Grayson’s eyes when I’d left. The look that made me feel like I was abandoning him, when, let’s face it, he sort of deserved to be abandoned. Giving me a stolen necklace?

No matter how much time had passed since it had been taken–the necklace belonged to someone else. Someone it probably meant something to. Like it meant to me. I tore open my scarf, reached for the chain, and stopped just short of yanking it off my neck. I undid the clasp and tucked it into my coat pocket.

I trudged on, finally realizing what it was I was running from–the urge to go back to Grayson. I still felt that magnetic pull, this sense of belonging with him . . . and I hated it. I couldn’t go back to him now . . . possibly ever.

I’d known there was more to Grayson. Some part of himself he kept hidden. These were things he did before we were together. Could I really hold that against him? Everything that had happened between us up until this moment had been genuine. Hadn’t it?

But . . . Allegra. The mental picture of them leaning toward each other; the way she’d looked at him. That would take a while to get out of my head, whether or not it meant anything. I wasn’t entirely sure the fact it was meaningless to Grayson made me feel any better. Was he capable of being so heartless?

I couldn’t go home either. My mother would grill me about my change of plans, and I wasn’t ready to face that kind of interrogation. There was one place I knew I could go, no questions asked.

Maddie opened the door, eyes popping as she pulled me in.

“Wren, what the hell? Were you running?” she asked as I whipped off my coat.

“Kind of,” I answered, trying to catch my breath. “Jazz is certifiable if she’s willing to torture herself like that.”

“No argument here,” she said, holding out her arms for my coat. The acrid smell of hair dye hit my nose. Maddie’s mom was in the kitchen with a styling client. She gave me a quick wave with a small brush covered in thick, white highlighting goop. There was another scent too–craft glue–and as Mads hung up my coat and pointed me toward the dining room, I saw Jazz sitting there sprinkling glitter over something. She stopped when she saw me, like I’d caught her doing something wrong.

“Hey,” I said.

“Wren? What are you doing here?”

Maddie sauntered into the room. “She’s caught the running bug, Jazzy.”

“No freakin’ way,” I answered as my breathing finally returned to normal.

On the dining room table, there were three rows of cardboard‑cutout teacups with names in script across the rims. They’d been in the middle of a project.

“We’re working on this for the NHS mother‑daughter Christmas tea.”

“Yeah, I maintain a 4.0 average so I can make glittery teacup place cards. I’m so proud,” Maddie interjected as she sat back down on the dining room chair, one leg curled beneath her. She pulled on the sleeve of her oversize black sweatshirt, revealing a sliver of shoulder, and grabbed a Sharpie.

I picked up one of the place settings. Jasmine Kadam, it read in fancy calligraphy that I knew was Mads’s handiwork. My emotions were raw, right at the surface. I wanted to crush that stupid, glittery teacup in my hand, hating the fact that I didn’t have one of my own. Try again next semester. What if I didn’t get in? There were no guarantees.

But there were no guarantees in life either, were there? The Camelot. My sister, Brooke’s, perfect life plan. Grayson. Even my friendship with Mads and Jazz was changing, evolving. With the NHS they were part of something I wasn’t–and maybe never would be.

One thing I could guarantee was that I wouldn’t be denied entry into the NHS because I was quiet. Quiet could be a lot of things–fierce, thoughtful, compassionate–but never deficient. That teacher evaluation was just a piece of paper. I had to stop letting it define me.

“You both should be proud. It’s an awesome accomplishment,” I said, my voice high‑pitched as I put down the place card on the table. “Much better than being a part of the lame‑ass Spirit Club. I made a woman throw her tea at me and cry at today’s service project.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Grayson?” Jazz asked. Her question cracked my cool facade. The tears flowed freely, right in front of their baffled faces. I sniffled and sat down in the chair at the head of the table.

“I think we broke up.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Mads asked, coming over to me.

“What happened?” Jazz asked, right behind her.

I didn’t want to lie, but how could I tell them the truth? What Grayson had confessed was so surreal, I could hardly wrap my mind around it, let alone explain it. What would they think of him?

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” I said, motioning toward the kitchen, where Maddie’s mom was singing softly along with “Livin’ on a Prayer” as her client gabbed with her about an upcoming baby shower she was attending.

“Break time,” Maddie said.

“We have only five more to go,” Jazz said.

“Let me help,” I said, grabbing a bottle of silver glitter.

“You sure?”

I stood up and shook the glitter over Maddie’s head, laughing. “Yep!”

“So that’s the way you want it,” she said. “I think gold is a good color for you.” She grabbed a different bottle and shook it at me.

“Are you guys completely out of your minds?” Jazz asked.

We both turned on her; she backed away, laughing. “Please don’t.”

“Beg,” I said, glitter poised over her head. She darted between us, grabbing her own bottle.

“I’m faster than both of you, so go ahead, try it.”

“Take the right,” Mads said. We cornered her, and suddenly there was a frenzy of glitter. The three of us sparkly and laughing.

“Girls!” We stopped.

Maddie’s mother stood in the doorway. “You will clean that up!”

“Yes, Mom,” Mads said, giving one more toss of glitter in our direction.

“Better save some for the teacups,” Jazz said.

We made quick work of the rest of the place cards. When we were finished cleaning ourselves and our mess, Maddie disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with bottles of water and a huge bag of pretzels. We retreated to her room. I plopped down on the leopard‑print comforter. Jazz sat cross‑legged in front of me on the hot‑pink shag carpet, looking as though she were waiting for story time at the library. Mads sat behind me and played with my hair.

I told them about the Spirit Club debacle and Luke. How he’d hinted Grayson had hooked up with the girl at the mall. The kiss. I told them about Grayson’s confession, almost regretting that I’d revealed too much when I saw Jazz’s horrified face. The story of my strange morning poured out and ended with my sprint out of the A&P parking lot. I reached for the charms on my necklace as I spoke, my fingers grasping at the empty space.

“Your necklace! You gave it back?” Jazz asked, noticing.

“Not yet. I can’t believe he gave it to me; that’s pretty unforgiveable, right?”

A moment passed before either of them replied.

“Wow, Wren, you weren’t kidding with the brainathiminal thing,” Jazz said. “What are you going to do?”

We both looked at Mads, who was finishing up a tiny braid in my hair. “What?”

“Well?” I asked.

“You’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“I know–I’d be stupid to ever trust him again.”

Jazz nodded.

“Um, no. I was going to say I thought it was kind of . . . hot.”

I pulled away to face her.

“Explain,” Jazz demanded.

“I didn’t say I approved. What he did was awful, but he sort of got karmic payback getting kicked out of school. Don’t you think? And, well, he hasn’t done any of this in a while, right? Like months. A guy with a past is hot. And he wants to change . . . with you. The only things he’s guilty of are giving you that necklace and flirting with a girl he hooked up with last spring before he even met you.”

“The necklace is bad, Mads,” I said.

“And how does Wren know anything else he said was true either?” Jazz asked.

Mads wrinkled her nose at Jazz. “I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to be a little tortured over that necklace. That was a total brain‑fart, dick of a move, but . . . Grayson is basically a good guy. Look at his car. I know you guys laugh that I pay attention to that stuff, but a car can tell you a lot about a person. That car tells me he doesn’t take himself too seriously. He’s not into labels. That’s not the car of someone who’s trying to put one over on you.”

“I guess,” I said, smiling a little, thinking of that Home Sweet Home air freshener. Definitely not the accessory of a player.

“Wait a minute. There was one detail of this morning’s story that needs further review . . . the part about kissing Ava Taylor’s boy toy?”

“Oh, um, he kissed me. And it had more to do with pissing off Gray than, like, really wanting to hook up.”

Maddie gave me a dismissive snort. “Is he hot?”

“Would definitely cast him as the sexy, troubled bad boy in my movie,” Jazz answered.

“Jazz.”

“Holy shit, the girl does have hormones,” Maddie said.

“It was a territorial thing, completely,” I answered.

“Why would you think that? Wren, you’re pretty scorching yourself. Who cares if he kissed you to piss off Grayson? The way I see it, you had two smokin’‑hot guys fighting over you in front of Sacred Heart . . . more importantly, in front of Ava Taylor. You’re like my hero today.”

Maddie’s take on the situation might have been out there, but it gave me some hope. Maybe it would be possible to forgive him.

“I know the two of you don’t approve of my . . . fixation . . . with Zach. And I know the cons list sure outweighs the pros on some days, but when he’s with me, he’s with me, completely. And his kisses freakin’ make me melt into a hormonal puddle of hotness.”

“What does you being horny have to do with Grayson?” Jazz asked.

“What I’m getting at is–so what if he’s been with other girls? It only means he’s experienced. You’ve been with other guys–is he all jacked up over that? We’re sixteen . . . this is how it’s supposed to be. I’ve seen you and Grayson together, Wren. He’s completely into you. Focus on that instead of thinking about things that went on before you met.” “Easy, in theory,” I said.

“And now that we have all that figured out, I need you to do something for me,” she said, pulling me off the bed. “What?” I asked.

Maddie ran her fingers through my hair again. “Time to play.”

In homeroom on Monday morning, Sister Raphael called me to the front of the room and handed me a slip of paper that read:

Please see me immediately . . . Mrs. Fiore.

Crud. I was hoping the fistfight had been forgotten. Seeing as I hadn’t been directly involved, I wasn’t sure what she could do. Give me detention for watching?

Enduring the weekend had been punishment enough. I’d fought the urge to call Grayson pretty much up until I’d arrived at school. He didn’t call or text, but I had the feeling he was giving me space. Luke, on the other hand, had texted me twice. I wasn’t sure how he got my cell number, but considering he’d been arm‑in‑arm with a certain clipboard‑holding adversary who must have had it on one of her lists, I didn’t need to be Veronica Mars to figure it out. The first one asking, R U Ok? –like he cared. The second one simply read: you closed your eyes . . . .

Mrs. Fiore was at her desk, zebra‑print half glasses perched on her nose, Precious Moments coffee mug in her hand. The weather outside her window was dismal and gray, making the fluorescent lighting in her office seem more unnatural. Every wrinkle and imperfection was magnified under the greenish tint. I stood in front of her desk, ignoring the impulse to hurl and thinking of something polite to say.

“Sit,” she said, gesturing toward one of the orange monstrosities.

I put my books on the floor beside the chair and sat down on the edge of the seat.

“You changed your hair,” she said, tilting her head to one side.

“Oh, my friend Maddie did it over the weekend,” I said, running my fingers through my freshly ombré‑highlighted hair. Mrs. Fiore eyed the blue streaks that Maddie had insisted on adding around my face to make a statement. Mads swore she’d fix it if I didn’t like it, but I thought it made me look . . . edgy. It felt right, but sitting there under Fiore’s judging gaze, I twirled a section around my fingers, trying to hide it.

“It’s interesting,” she said finally. “But we both know I didn’t bring you in to talk about your hair. We need to discuss what happened over the weekend at the Spirit Club event.”

“Mrs. Fiore, I’m sorry about the fight, it won’t happen–”

“This isn’t about the fight, Wren, although I think I understand why it happened,” she said, leaning back in her chair. My heart stopped. What did she know?

She swiveled in her chair before smoothing out her desk blotter. “I know it’s fun working with the boys from Saint Gabriel’s, but you’re still representing the school.”

“I . . . um . . . what is this about?” I asked.

Mrs. Fiore took off her glasses and leaned toward me.

“I know about your hookup.”

Hookup sounded so wrong coming from her mouth; she could have flashed me, and I would have been less shocked. My throat tightened as I thought about Luke–even though a forced kiss didn’t qualify as a hookup in my mind.

“Mrs. Fiore, I didn’t hook up with anyone,” I said.

She leaned back again. “Wren, I have several people who told me otherwise.”

“Several people? That’s insane.”

She narrowed her eyes. “So you weren’t next to the boy in question on the bus? Or in the group photo? The same boy who was in a fight with your friend?”

I gripped the edge of my seat, grasping for some way to explain without spilling my guts. “It’s not like it sounds. He kissed me.”

“Are you saying this wasn’t . . . consensual?”

Luke was a shit, but I wasn’t about to make that big a deal out of it.

“No.”

“Then what are you saying?”

The tone of her voice got under my skin; it was the same tone she used for her no‑Harvard comment to my Honors Lit class, like she knew better than me. “I’m saying it’s none of your business. Why are you even hassling me about it?”

“Yes, it is my business.”

“Who told you about this? Ava?”

“That doesn’t matter,” she said.

“Yes, it does,” I said, standing up. “You’re accusing me of something that didn’t happen, so what you’re really saying is that you believe her over me.”

She stood up. “But something did happen,” she said, jabbing the top of her desk with her index finger. “You just admitted it. If this is how you carry yourself outside school, that’s your business–but you were on my time. That’s the real issue. And I take our commitment to Saint Lucy’s seriously.”

“Seriously? Really? You think making a wreath out of pompoms was fun for those people? News flash: That stops being fun after preschool. There’s nothing better we can do with our time there?”

“Sit down, Miss Caswell.”

My heart raced as I caved and dropped down into the chair. I’d never raised my voice to a teacher before.

“I could easily give you a detention over this,” she said, still standing. “But I won’t. Just a warning.” She sat down and looked at me, waiting. This was the most in‑depth “gettin’ real” conversation I’d ever had with Mrs. Fiore. If there was any time to speak my mind, it was in that moment.

“Why don’t you think any of us are going to Harvard?”

She flustered. “I didn’t mean it the way you’re implying.”

“Well, it sounded pretty clear. I don’t want to be told what I can’t do before I even start trying.”

She ran her fingers across her lips, then rested her chin in her hand. “The truth is that the majority of you won’t go to an Ivy League school, and that’s fine. There are so many options out there. Different paths. It’s my job to let you know what choices you have, help you find your way. Although I don’t think your best path would be making the Vatican out of toothpicks.”

I laughed. “I wasn’t serious about that.”

A smile played at the corners of her mouth. Was she joking with me?

“I know. You do sound passionate about Saint Lucy’s though. You really thought the craft was–”

“Lame.”

“What would you have done instead?”

What got to me the most was how forgotten the residents seemed to be.

“I don’t know, some of them just seemed happy talking, but maybe we could connect them with their families. Write letters. Help them make phone calls or something.”

“The Spirit Club makes monthly visits to Saint Lucy’s. These are voluntary, so you can imagine the turnout. A lot of the students who visit there just do it for the service hours. You have some interesting ideas, Wren. Maybe you could–”

“I’d like that. A lot better than decorating the hallway too.”

The bell for second period rang, and a flurry of activity–doors opening, footfalls, chatter–went on outside the door. Mrs. Fiore grabbed a pink pad. She signed the top sheet with a flourish, peeled it off, and handed it to me. It was a note letting my second‑period teacher know why I was late. I grabbed my books and stood up, ready to leave.

“Wren, wait,” she said. “Thanks for commenting on my speech. I never realized . . . how that might have sounded. Nice to know someone was listening.”

Was I actually having a friendly conversation with Mrs. Fiore? I wasn’t overthinking or worrying about what I said before I said it. We may not be giving each other mani‑pedis anytime soon, but it was a start.

“Thanks for not giving me detention, Mrs. Fiore.”

The hallway was mostly empty. A few stragglers scurried as the warning bell for second period sounded. The good feelings from my momentary victory with Mrs. Fiore faded. This incident had Ava written all over it. But why wouldn’t she just confront me? I wondered what Luke had told her about what she saw–probably twisting it around to where I forced myself on him. I wondered if some holier‑than‑thou guidance counselor was torturing Luke for his behavior. Probably not.

I sat through my next two classes, barely absorbing the lessons, hoping for the opportunity to question Ava before Honors Lit began, but she slipped into her seat as the bell rang, not even a glance in my direction. At lunch I stormed into the cafeteria on a mission, barely dropping my books with Mads and Jazz.

“Wren?” Mads called after me.

Ava, flanked by her usual posse of worshippers, was placing a supermarket bento box of sushi on the table as I approached. Darby Greene tapped her shoulder and whispered something. An uncomfortable couple of seconds passed where no one seemed to think it was necessary to acknowledge my presence. Ava finally looked up as she slipped the chopsticks out of their red wrapper. Her eyes zeroed in on the blue streaks in my hair.

“Nice hair. What, did you do a Smurf over the weekend?”

Oh, how I wanted to smash a California roll up her nose. Darby raised her eyebrows and took a slow sip of her Diet Coke, daring me to strike back at Ava. Jazz and Mads were suddenly next to me. Their support fueled my fire.

“No, I did Luke Dobson,” I said, letting his name roll slowly off my tongue. “And you know, you’re right, he can do some pretty amazing things with his mouth.”

Jazz gasped. Ava froze, chopsticks poised.

“Nice one,” Mads whispered.

“So can we talk now?” I asked.

Ava tossed the chopsticks on the table. She stood up with such force, the green plastic caf chair fell behind her, startling a girl at the next table, who hopped up when it hit the floor.

“Let’s go.” She barreled past me.

I followed Ava as she pushed through the swinging doors into the empty locker bay next to the caf. The deep bellow of someone practicing tuba echoed from the music room. Ava faced me, her eyes sharp.

“So, what?” she asked.

“Why did you tell Fiore I hooked up with Luke?”

She crossed her arms and stared at me, not giving an inch.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t do it. You were the one who walked in on us in the kitchen.”

Her nostrils flared, her eyes calculating and cold. “Us? There is no ‘us’ when it comes to you and Luke. If you think for one minute he enjoyed that . . . pathetic.”

“Didn’t feel that way when he kissed me.”

She nibbled her bottom lip fiercely. I stood firm, hands on hips, waiting for a response. We held each other’s glare, neither daring to blink. Finally Ava grunted a smug‑sounding humph.

“Wren, I’m sure you’ve enjoyed your tour of A‑listdom, but it’s over. So just drop it and go back to your nonexistent, sad, little social life.”

“A‑listdom? What are we, twelve?” I countered. “If your gravitating with Luke is what you call A‑list, then fine, count me out. The way you two treat each other? What kind of relationship is that? At least I know I have real friends.”

“I’m talking about Andy’s party and the laughable pairing of you and Grayson Barrett. You do realize that’s the only reason Luke was even talking to you, right? You think it was an accident the seat next to him on the bus was empty? Or that I even wanted you there as co‑coordinator? You’ve been played, Wren. Played. Let me guess, you and Grayson broke up? Imagine that.”

The meaning of what she’d said made my breath catch in my throat. Her mouth curled into a victorious smirk. Saturday played in reverse through my mind. The kiss. The empty seat on the bus. The way Luke had been there when I’d arrived that morning for the St. Lucy trip, joking with me. Had it really reached as far back as Ava inviting me to lunch in Mrs. Fiore’s office?

Still . . . I’d seen her face when she’d walked in on us, and her reaction just before in the cafeteria. Ava had many talents, but she wasn’t that good of an actress. No matter what hurtful crap came out of her mouth, I realized how much of a sore point it was for her that Luke had kissed me.

“So Luke’s offer of a revenge hookup was just something he did because he was playing me? I guess his texts over the weekend were about playing me too. And I bet he got my cell number from you, because I didn’t give it to him. Sounds like you’re being played too, Ava.”

“I’m done with you,” she said, shaking her head and walking away. She turned back sharply, jutting out her hip, and continued, “Where do you even come off saying that to me?”

“Just wondering if you really know him.”

“Because you do? Please. How well do you know Grayson? Guess you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“I know Grayson really well, and this stupid little drama you created did nothing to change that, Ava. We’re closer than ever. So make sure you tell that to Luke. Or maybe I’ll just text him myself.”

I brushed past her, buzzing with anger, and pushed open the doors to the cafeteria. Maddie and Jazz were cleaning up as I approached the table. I sat down, head in my hands. I wondered if Ava knew the truth–the whole truth.

“Everything okay?” Mads asked.

Then it hit me. Luke had played Grayson too. He’d known exactly what to say to get under my skin and knew it would lead to our breakup. Why he felt it necessary to go that far, I wasn’t sure. Maybe he was just sadistic.

The one person who could understand what was going on was Grayson. I’d told myself I’d wait until things cooled down to contact him, but I didn’t want to wait anymore. Besides, I hadn’t told him what had happened at St. Lucy’s. What if Luke said something to him first? I had the sudden, overwhelming urge to speak to him.

“Jazz, you need to cover for me in Chem last period.”

Date: 2015-02-16; view: 652