Everything. Was. Fine.

I gripped the sides harder, willing myself to believe the lie.

And then I saw myself, alone in a kitchen, and holding a refrigerator. Telling myself that my life was good.

Fuck.

I started pounding the steel doors. Every muscle in my body felt choked as I slammed my palm against the appliance again and again. Madman yelped and scurried away.

All the shit my mom had sitting up on top turned over or shattered to the ground, and I just kept going.

Using both hands to slam it time and again against the wall.

Nothing hurt if I knew I had you.

She was fucking with my head. Why couldn’t I just forget her?

I stopped, my shoulders slumped, forcing air in and out of my lungs, but it was never enough. I turned around to head up the stairs. If my mom was gone for the night, then there was no harm in bringing out the Jack. Since she was an alcoholic, I kept that shit hidden. But tonight I needed a way out. I couldn’t stomach the hurt. I couldn’t deal, and I needed to be numb.

On my way up the stairs, I noticed that the front door was open.

Shit.

It must not have latched when I’d slammed it before. And Madman got out, no doubt. I kicked the door shut. Hard.

Fucking awesome. Even the dog had left.

Once in my room, I went to the stash Madoc and I skimmed from his father and pulled out a bottle.

Flinging off my hoodie and shirt, I kicked off my boots and unscrewed the bottle, swallowing massive gulps to drown out her voice in my head.

But walking over to my window, I instantly stilled. There she was.

Dancing.

Closing her eyes and jumping around.

An image of her in a purple nightgown came to mind, but I couldn’t place it.

She looked ridiculous and couldn’t dance any better than me. I almost laughed when she threw the devil ears up in the air and screamed along to the music. My chest swelled with the urge to hold her.

Date: 2015-02-16; view: 699