The Mental Dimension

Most of our mental development and study discipline comes through formal education. But as

soon as we leave the external discipline of school, many of us let our minds atrophy. We don't do any

more serious reading, we don't explore new subjects in any real depth outside our action fields, we

don't think analytically, we don't write -- at least not critically or in a way that tests our ability to express ourselves in distilled, clear, and concise language. Instead, we spend our time watching TV.

Continuing surveys indicate that television is on in most homes some 35 to 45 hours a week. That's

as much time as many people put into their jobs, more than most put into school. It's the most

powerful socializing influence there is. And when we watch, we're subject to all the values that are

being taught through it. That can powerfully influence us in very subtle and imperceptible ways.

Wisdom in watching television requires the effective self-management of Habit 3, which enables you

to discriminate and to select the informing, inspiring, and entertaining programs which best serve and

express your purpose and values.

In our family, we limit television watching to around seven hours a week, an average of about an

hour a day. We had a family council at which we talked about it and looked at some of the data

regarding what's happening in homes because of television. We found that by discussing it as a family

when no one was defensive or argumentative, people started to realize the dependent sickness of

becoming addicted to soap operas or to a steady diet of a particular program.

I'm grateful for television and for the many high-quality educational and entertainment programs.

They can enrich our lives and contribute meaningfully to our purposes and goals. But there are many

programs that simply waste our time and minds and many that influence us in negative ways if we let

them. Like the body, television is a good servant but a poor master. We need to practice Habit 3 and manage ourselves effectively to maximize the use of any resource in accomplishing our missions.

Education -- continuing education, continually honing and expanding the mind -- is vital mental

renewal. Sometimes that involves the external discipline of the classroom or systematized study

programs; more often it does not. Proactive people can figure out many, many ways to educate

themselves.

It is extremely valuable to train the mind to stand apart and examine its own program. That, to me,

is the definition of a liberal education -- the ability to examine the programs of life against larger

questions and purposes and other paradigms. Training, without such education, narrows and closes

the mind so that the assumptions underlying the training are never examined. That's why it is so

valuable to read broadly and to expose yourself to great minds.

There's no better way to inform and expand your mind on a regular basis than to get into the habit

of reading good literature. That's another high-leverage Quadrant II activity. You can get into the

best minds that are now or that have ever been in the world. I highly recommend starting with a goal

of a book a month then a book every two weeks, then a book a week. "The person who doesn't read is no better off than the person who can't read."

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart Quality literature, such as the Great Books, the Harvard Classics, autobiographies, National

Geographic and other publications that expand our cultural awareness, and current literature in various

fields can expand our paradigms and sharpen our mental saw, particularly if we practice Habit 5 as we

read and seek first to understand. If we use our own autobiography to make early judgments before

we really understand what an author has to say, we limit the benefits of the reading experience.

Writing is another powerful way to sharpen the mental saw. Keeping a journal of our thoughts,

experiences, insights, and learnings promotes mental clarity, exactness, and context. Writing good

letters -- communicating on the deeper level of thoughts, feelings, and ideas rather than on the shallow, superficial level of events -- also affects our ability to think clearly, to reason accurately, and to be understood effectively.

Organizing and planning represent other forms of mental renewal associated with Habits 2 and 3.

It's beginning with the end in mind and being able mentally to organize to accomplish that end. It's

exercising the visualizing, imagining power of your mind to see the end from the beginning and to see

the entire journey, at least in principles, if not in steps.

It is said that wars are won in the general's tent. Sharpening the saw in the first three dimensions --

the physical, the spiritual, and the mental -- is a practice I call the "Daily Private Victory." And I commend to you the simple practice of spending one hour a day every day doing it -- one hour a day

for the rest of your life.

There's no other way you could spend an hour that would begin to compare with the Daily Private

Victory in terms of value and results. It will affect every decision, every relationship. It will greatly improve the quality, the effectiveness, of every other hour of the day, including the depth and

restfulness of your sleep. It will build the long-term physical, spiritual, and mental strength to enable you to handle difficult challenges in life.

In the words of Phillips Brooks:

Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under

the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer.

Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.

The Social/Emotional Dimension

While the physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions are closely related to Habits 1, 2, and 3 --

centered on the principles of personal vision, leadership, and management -- the social/emotional

dimension focuses on Habits 4, 5, and 6 -- centered on the principles of interpersonal leadership,

empathic communication, and creative cooperation.

The social and the emotional dimensions of our lives are tied together because our emotional life is

primarily, but not exclusively, developed out of and manifested in our relationships with others.

Renewing our social/emotional dimension does not take time in the same sense that renewing the

other dimensions does. We can do it in our normal everyday interactions with other people. But it

definitely requires exercise. We may have to push ourselves because many of us have not achieved the

level of Private Victory and the skills of Public Victory necessary for Habits 4, 5, and 6 to come naturally to us in all our interactions.

Suppose that you are a key person in my life. You might be my boss, my subordinate, my

co-worker, my friend, my neighbor, my spouse, my child, a member of my extended family -- anyone

with whom I want or need to interact. Suppose we need to communicate together, to work together,

to discuss a jugular issue, to accomplish a purpose or solve a problem. But we see things differently; we're looking through different glasses. You see the young lady, and I see the old woman.

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart So I practice Habit 4. I come to you and I say, "I can see that we're approaching this situation

differently. Why don't we agree to communicate until we can find a solution we both feel good about.

Would you be willing to do that?" Most people would be willing to say "yes" to that.

Then I move to Habit 5. "Let me listen to you first." Instead of listening with intent to reply, I listen empathically in order to deeply, thoroughly understand your paradigm. When I can explain your

point of view as well as you can, then I focus on communicating my point of view to you so that you

can understand it as well.

Based on the commitment to search for a solution that we both feel good about and a deep

understanding of each other's points of view, we move to Habit 6. We work together to produce Third

Alternative solutions to our differences that we both recognize are better than the ones either you or I

proposed initially.

Success in Habits 4, 5, and 6 is not primarily a matter of intellect; it's primarily a matter of emotion.

It's highly related to our sense of personal security.

If our personal security comes from sources within ourselves, then we have the strength to practice

the habits of Public Victory. If we are emotionally insecure, even though we may be intellectually very advanced, practicing Habits 4, 5, and 6 with people who think differently on jugular issues of life can be terribly threatening.

Where does intrinsic security come from? It doesn't come from the scripts they've handed us. It

doesn't come from our circumstances or our position.

It comes from within. It comes from accurate paradigms and correct principles deep in our own

mind and heart. It comes from Inside-Out congruence, from living a life of integrity in which our daily habits reflect our deepest values.

I believe that a life of integrity is the most fundamental source of personal worth. I do not agree

with the popular success literature that says that self-esteem is primarily a matter of mindset, of attitude

-- that you can psyche yourself into peace of mind.

Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other

way.

There is also the intrinsic security that comes as a result of effective interdependent living. There is security in knowing that win-win solutions do exist, that life is not always "either/or," that there are almost always mutually beneficial Third Alternatives. There is security in knowing that you can step

out of your own frame of reference without giving it up, that you can really, deeply understand another

human being. There is security that comes when you authentically, creatively, and cooperatively

interact with other people and really experience these interdependent habits.

There is intrinsic security that comes from service, from helping other people in a meaningful way.

One important source is your work, when you see yourself in a contributive and creative mode, really

making a difference. Another source is anonymous service -- no one knows it and no one necessarily

ever will. And that's not the concern; the concern is blessing the lives of other people. Influence, not recognition, becomes the motive.

Viktor Frankl focused on the need for meaning and purpose in our lives, something that transcends

our own lives and taps the best energies within us. The late Dr. Hans Selye, in his monumental

research on stress, basically says that a long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making

contributions, of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and contribute to and bless the lives of others. His ethic was "earn thy neighbor's love.

This is the true joy in life -- that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.

That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances

complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my

life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future

generations.

N. Eldon Tanner has said, "Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth." And there are so many ways to serve. Whether or not we belong to a church or service organization or

have a job that provides meaningful service opportunities, not a day goes by that we can't at least serve one other human being by making deposits of unconditional love.

Date: 2015-02-03; view: 1159