SIDE-BRO: ASK UNCLE BARNEY

Q: I'm confused — if a woman gives me her phone number, doesn't that mean she wants me to call her? Why do I have to wait so long?

A: Broflation — an unreasonable increase in female expectations about how Bros should act. You call a woman the next day, she tells her friends you called the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, Bros the world over will find themselves trapped in relationships, and all because you couldn't wait ninety-six little hours.

Q: Okay, I've waited ninety-six hours. When's the best time of day to call?

A: Call during the middle of the day. You'll have a better chance of catching her voice mail, which ultimately means less conversation. With any luck you'll be able to set something up without ever having to talk to her. Note: Never call after 9 PM — late-night phone calls are the province of the booty call, and only the booty call. See Article 92 for further elaboration.

Q: I 've always heard you wait three days? Why does the Bro Code specify four?

A: If you've always heard that a Bro should wait three days before calling, you can bet that women have, too. By waiting an extra day, you can make a chick feel special.

ARTICLE 40

Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."

ARTICLE 41

A Bro never cries.

EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.[7]

ARTICLE 42

Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

EXECUTING A BRO HUG

Step 1: Interlocking hand clasp

Step 2: Lean torsos together, maintaining safe groin perimeter

Step 3: One pat on the back

Date: 2014-12-21; view: 1110