THE DREAM, THE ANGEL, AND THE LETTER

I don't recall the e xact night when the dreams began.

The angel dreams. It should be stated t hat I am a believer in angels, thoug h n ot the picture-book kind with wing s a nd harps. Such angelic accoutrements seem as nonsensical to me a s d evils sporting horns and carryin g p itchforks. To me, angel wings ar e m erely symbolic of their role as divin e m essengers. Notwithstanding m y r ather dogmatic opinions on the matter, the fact that the angel in m y d ream descended from the sky wit h o utspread wings did not bother me. I n f act, the only thing I found disturbin g a t all about the dream was its frequent recurrence and the dream's s trange conclusion. In the dream I find myself alone in a large open field.

The air is filled with soft, beautifu l s trains of music flowing as sweet an d m elodic as a mountain brook. I loo k u p and see an angel with wings outspread descending gradually fro m h eaven. Then, when we are not a n a rm's length removed, I look into it s c herubic face, its eyes turn up towar d h eaven, and the angel turns to stone.

Though I have vague recollections of t he dream haunting my sleep mor e t han once after we moved into the Parkin home, it seemed to have grow n c learer and more distinct with eac h p assing slumber. This night it was alive , rich in color and sound and detail , occupying my every thought with it s s urrealism. I awoke suddenly, expecting all traces of the nocturnal vision t o v anish with my consciousness, but i t d idn't. This night the music remained. A soft, silvery tune plucked sweetly as a l ullaby. A lullaby of unknown origin.

Except tonight the music had an o rigin.

I sat up in bed, listening intently w hile my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I found the flashlight kept in th e p ine nightstand next to our bed, pulle d o n a terry-cloth robe, and walked quietly from the room, following th e m usic. I felt my way down the hall pas t t he nursery where I stopped an d l ooked in at Jenna. She lay fast asleep , undisturbed by the tones. I followe d t he music to the end of the hall, pausing where the melody seemed to hav e o riginated, from behind the attic door. I grasped the handle and opened th e d oor slowly. The flashlight illuminate d t he room, creating long, creepin g s hadows. Apprehensively, I climbe d t he stairs toward the music. The roo m w as still and, except for the music, lifeless. As I panned the room with th e l ight, my heart quickened. The cradl e w as uncovered. The dusty, drape d s heet that had concealed it now la y c rumpled at its base on the attic floor.

Anxiously, I continued my examination, until I had centered the light o n t he source of the enchanted disturbance. It was the ornate heirloo m b ox that Barry and I had discovere d t he afternoon that we had moved i n o ur belongings. The Christmas Box. I hadn't known at the time it was capable of music. How odd it should star t p laying in the middle of the night. I looked around once more to be sur e t hat I was alone, then balanced th e f lashlight on one end so that its bea m i lluminated the rafters and lit the whol e a ttic. I lifted the box and inspected it fo r a lever with which to turn off the music.

The box was dusty and heavy and a ppeared just as we had seen it a fe w d ays previous. I inspected it mor e c losely but could find no key and n o s pring, in fact no mechanism of an y t ype. It was simply a wooden box.

I unclasped the silver buckle and o pened the lid slowly. The musi c s topped. I moved the flashlight clos e t o examine the box. Inside lay severa l p archment documents. I reached i n a nd lifted the top page. It was a letter.

A handwritten letter, brittle with ag e a nd slightly yellowed. I held it near th e f lashlight to read. The handwriting wa s b eautiful and disciplined.

December 6, 1914

My Beloved One.

I stopped. I have never been one t o revel in the intrusion of another's p rivacy, much less inclined to rea d s omeone else's correspondence. Wh y t hen I was unable to resist reading th e l etter is as much a mystery to me a s w as the parchment itself. So stron g w as the compulsion that I finished th e l etter without so much as a secon d t hought into the matter: How cold the Christmas snows seem this year without you. Even the warmth of the fire does little but remind me of how I wish you were again by my side. I love you. How I love you.

I did not know why the letter beckoned me or even what significance i t c arried. Who was this Beloved One?

Was this Mary's writing? It had been w ritten nearly twenty years before he r h usband had passed away. I set th e l etter back in the box and shut the lid.

The music did not start up again. I lef t t he attic and returned to my bed ponBering the contents of the letter. Th e m ystery as to why the Christmas Bo x h ad started playing music, even ho w i t had played music, remained, for th e n ight, unanswered.

The next morning I explained the e pisode to an only slightly intereste d w ife.

"So you didn't hear anything last n ight?" I asked. "No music?"

"No," Keri answered, "but you know I'm a pretty heavy sleeper."

"This is really strange," I said, shaking my head.

"So you heard a music box. What's s o strange about that?"

"It was more than that," I explained.

"Music boxes don't work that way.

Music boxes play when you open t hem. This one stopped playing when I opened it. And the strangest part i s t hat there didn't appear to be an y m echanism to it."

"Maybe it was your angel making t he music," she teased.

"Maybe it was," I said eerily. "Maybe t his is one of those mystical experiences."

"How do you even know the music w as coming from the box?" she aske d s keptically.

"I'm sure of it," I said. I looked up a nd noticed the time. "Darn, I'm goin g t o be late and I'm opening up today." I threw on my overcoat and started fo r t he door.

Keri stopped me. "Aren't you going t o kiss Jenna good-bye?" she aske d i ncredulously. I ran back to the nursery to give Jenna a kiss.

I found her sitting in a pile of shredded paper with a pair of round-edge d c hildren's scissors in hand.

"Dad, can you help me cut these?"

she asked.

"Not now, honey, I'm late for work."

The corners of her mouth pulled d ownward in disappointment.

"When I get home," I hastily p romised. She sat quietly as I kisse d h er on the head.

"I've got to go. I'll see you tonight." I dashed out of the room, nearly forgetting the lunch which Keri had set b y t he door, and made my way throug h t he gray, slushy streets to the formal-

wear shop.

Each day, as the first streaks of daw n s pread across the blue winter morning sky, Mary could be found in th e f ront parlor, sitting comfortably in a p osh, overstuffed Turkish chair, warming her feet in front of the fireplace. I n h er lap lay the third Bible. The one tha t s he had kept. This morning ritua l d ated decades back but Mary coul d t ell you the exact day it had begun. I t w as her "morning constitutional for th e s pirit," she had told Keri.

During the Christmas season she w ould read at length the Christma s s tories of the Gospels, and it was her e t hat she welcomed the small, uninvited guest.

"Well, good morning, Jenna," Mary s aid.

Jenna stood at the doorway, still c lothed in the red-flannel nightshirt i n w hich she almost always slept. Sh e l ooked around the room then ran to Mary. Mary hugged her tightly.

"What are you reading? A story?"

Jenna asked.

"A Christmas story," Mary said.

Jenna's eyes lit up. She crawled onto Mary's lap and looked for pictures o f r eindeer and Santa Claus.

"Where are the pictures?" she a sked. "Where's Santa Claus?"

Mary smiled. "This is a different k ind of Christmas story. This is th e f irst Christmas story. It's about th e b aby Jesus."

Jenna smiled. She knew about Jesus.

"Mary?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Will Daddy be here at Christmas?"

"Why of course, dear," she assured.

She brushed the hair back from Jenna's face and kissed her forehead. "You miss him, don't you?"

"He's gone a lot."

"Starting a new business takes a l ot of work and a lot of time."

Jenna looked up sadly. "Is work b etter than here?"

"No. No place is better than home."

"Then why does Daddy want to be t here instead of here?"

Mary paused thoughtfully. "I guess s ometimes we forget," she answere d a nd pulled the little girl close.

With the approach of the holidays, business grew increasingly busy, an d t hough we welcomed the revenue, I found myself working long days an d r eturning home late each night. In my frequent absence, Keri had established the habit of sharing supper with Mary in the downstairs den. They ha d e ven adopted the ritual of sharing a n a fter-dinner cup of peppermint te a n ear the fire. Afterward Mary would follow Keri into the kitchen and help clea n u p the supper dishes, while I, if hom e b y this time, would remain in the de n a nd finish the day's books. Tonight th e s now fell softly outside, contrasted b y t he sputtering and hissing of the war m f ire crackling in the fireplace. Jenn a h ad been sent up to bed, and as Ker i c leared the table, I remained behind , diving into a catalog of new-fashione d c ummerbunds and matching ban d t ies. Tonight Mary also remained behind, still sitting in the antique chai r f rom which she always took her tea.

Though she usually followed Keri into t he kitchen, sometimes, after she ha d f inished her, tea, she would doze quietly in her chair until we woke her an d h elped her to her room.

Mary set down her tea, pushed h erself up, and walked over to th e c herry wood bookshelf. She pulled a b ook from a high shelf, dusted i t l ightly, and handed it to me.

"Here is a charming Christmas t ale. Read this to your little one." I too k t he book from her outstretched ar m a nd examined the title, Christmas Every Day by William Dean Howells.

"Thank you, Mary, I will." I smiled a t h er, set the book down, and went bac k t o my catalog. Her eyes never left me.

"No, right now. Read it to her now,"

she coaxed. Her voice was fervent, wavering only from her age. I laid m y t ext down, examined the book again , then looked back up into her cal m f ace. Her eyes shone with the importance of her request.

"All right, Mary."

I rose from the table and walked up i nto Jenna's room, wondering when I would catch up on my orders and wha t m agic this old book contained to command such urgency. Upstairs Jenn a l ay quietly in the dark.

"Still awake, honey?" I asked.

"Daddy, you forgot to tuck me in t onight."

I switched on the light. "I did, didn't I . How about a bedtime story?"

She jumped up in her bed with a s mile that filled the tiny room. "Wha t s tory are you going to tell?" she asked.

"Mary gave me this book to read to y ou."

"Mary has good stories, Dad."

"Then it should be a good one," I said. "Does Mary tell you storie s o ften?"

"Every day."

I sat on the edge of the bed and o pened the old book. The spine wa s b rittle and cracked a little as i t o pened. I cleared my throat an d s tarted reading aloud.

The little girl came into her papa's study, as she always did Saturday morning before breakfast, and asked for a story. He tried to beg off that morning, for he was very busy, but she would not let him . . .

"That's like you, Dad. You're real b usy too," Jenna observed.

I grinned at her. "Yeah, I guess so."

I continued reading.

"Well, once there was a little pig--" The little girl put her hand over his mouth and stopped him at the word. She said she had heard the pig stories till she was perfectly sick of them.

"Well, what kind of story shall I tell, then?"

"About Christmas. It's getting to be the season, it's past Thanksgiving already."

"It seems to me," argued her papa, "that I've told as often about Christmas as I have about little pigs."

"No difference! Christmas is more interesting."

Unlike her story's counterpart, Jenna was long asleep before I finfished the tale. Her delicate lips wer e d rawn in a gentle smile, and I pulle d t he covers up tightly under her chin.

Peace radiated from the tiny face. I lingered a moment, knelt down near he r b ed and kissed her on the cheek, the n w alked back down to finish my work.

I returned to the den to find the lavish drapes drawn tight, and the tw o w omen sitting together in the dim , flickering light of the fireplace talkin g p eacefully. The soothing tones of Mary's voice resonated calmly throug h t he room. She looked up to acknowledge my entrance.

"Richard, your wife just asked the m ost intriguing question. She aske d w hich of the senses I thought wa s m ost affected by Christmas."

I sat down at the table.

"I love everything about this season," she continued. "But I think what I love most about Christmas are it s s ounds. The bells of street-corner Santa Clauses, the familiar Christmas records on the phonograph, th e s weet, untuned voices of Christma s c arolers. And the bustling downtow n n oises. The crisp crinkle of wrappin g p aper and department store sack s a nd the cheerful Christmas greeting s o f strangers. And then there are the Christmas stories. The wisdom of Dickens and all Christmas story-tellers." She seemed to pause fo r e mphasis. "I love the sounds of thi s s eason. Even the sounds of this ol d h ouse take on a different character at Christmas. These Victorian ladie s s eem to have a spirit all their own."

I heartily agreed but said nothing.

She reflected on the old home.

"They don't build homes like this anymore. You've noticed the double set o f d oors in the front entryway?"

We both nodded in confirmation.

"In the old days before the advent o f the telephone . ." She winked. "I'm a n old lady," she confided, "I remember those days."

We smiled.

... Back in those days when people w ere receiving callers they woul d o pen the outer set of doors as a signal.

And if the doors were closed it meant t hat they were not receiving callers. I t s eemed those doors were alway s o pen, all holiday long." She smile d l ongingly. "It seems silly now. You ca n i magine that the foyer was absolutel y c hilly." She glanced over to me. "Now I'm digressing. Tell us, Richard, whic h o f the senses do you think are mos t a ffected by Christmas?"

I looked over at Keri. "The taste b uds," I said flippantly. Keri rolled he r e yes.

"No. I take it back. I would say the s ense of smell. The smells of Christmas. Not just the food, but everything.

I remember once, in grade school, we m ade Christmas ornaments by poking whole cloves into an orange. I remember how wonderful it smelle d f or the entire season. I can still smel l i t. And then there's the smell of perfumed candles, and hot wassail o r c reamy cocoa on a cold day. And th e p ungent smell of wet leather boot s a fter my brothers and I had gon e s ledding. The smells of Christmas ar e t he smells of childhood." My word s t railed off into silence as we al l s eemed to be caught in the swee t g laze of Christmastime memories , and Mary nodded slowly as if I ha d s aid something wise.

It was the sixth day of December.

Christmas was only two and a half w eeks away. I had already left for wor k a nd Keri had set about the rituals o f t he day. She stacked the breakfas t d ishes in the sink to soak, the n d escended the stairs to share in som e c onservation and tea with Mary. Sh e e ntered the den where Mary rea d e ach morning. Mary was gone. In he r c hair lay the third Bible. Mary's Bible.

Though we were aware of its existence, neither Keri nor I had actuall y e ver seen it. It lay on the cushio n s pread open to the Gospel of John.

Keri gently slipped her hand under th e b ook's spine and lifted the text carefully. It was older than the other two Bibles, its script more Gothic and g raceful. She examined it closely. Th e i nk appeared marred, smeared b y m oisture. She ran a finger across th e p age. It was wet, moistened by numerous round drops. Tear drops. She delicately turned through the gold-edge d p ages. Many of the leaves wer e s poiled and stained from tears. Tear s f rom years past, pages long dried an d w rinkled. But the open pages were stil l m oist. Keri laid the book back down o n t he chair and walked out into the hall.

Mary's thick wool coat was missing f rom the lobby's crested hall tree. Th e i nner foyer doors were ajar and at th e b ase of the outer set of doors sno w h ad melted and puddled on the col d m arble floor, revealing Mary's departure. Mary's absence left Keri feelin g u neasy. Mary rarely left the hom e b efore noon and, when she did, typically went to great lengths to inform Keri of the planned excursion days i n a dvance. Keri went back upstairs unti l f orty-five minutes later, when sh e h eard the front door open. She ra n d own to meet Mary, who stood in th e d oorway, wet and shivering from th e c old.

"Mary! Where have you been?"

Keri exclaimed. "You look frozen!"

Mary looked up sadly. Her eyes were s wollen and red.

"I'll be all right," she said, then without an explanation disappeared dow n t he hall to her room.

After brunch she again pulled on h er coat to leave. Keri caught her i n t he hall on the way out. "I'll be goin g o ut again," she said simply. "I ma y r eturn late."

"What time shall I prepare supper?"

Keri asked.

Mary didn't answer. She looked d irectly at her, then walked out int o t he sharp winter air.

It was nearly half past eight when Mary returned that evening. Keri ha d g rown increasingly concerned ove r h er strange behavior and had begu n l ooking out the balcony window ever y f ew minutes for Mary's return. I ha d a lready arrived home from work , been thoroughly briefed on the entir e e pisode, and, like Keri, anxiousl y a nticipated her return. If Mary ha d l ooked preoccupied before, she wa s n ow positively engrossed. She uncharacteristically asked to take supper alone, but then invited us to joi n h er for tea.

"I'm sure my actions must seem a l ittle strange," she apologized. Sh e s et her cup down on the table. "I'v e b een to the doctor today, on accoun t o f these headaches and vertigo, I'v e b een experiencing."

She paused for an uncomfortably l ong period. I sensed she was goin g t o say something terrible.

"He says that I have a tumor growing in my brain. It is already quite larg e a nd, because of its location, they cannot operate." Mary looked straigh t a head now, almost through us. Yet he r w ords were strangely calm.

"There is nothing that they can do. I have wired my brother in London. I thought you should know."

Keri was the first to throw her arms a round Mary. I put my arms around th e t wo of them and we held each other i n s ilence. No one knew what to say.

Denial, perhaps, is a necessary h uman mechanisim to cope with th e h eartaches of life. The followin g w eeks proceeded largely without incident and it became increasingl y t empting to delude ourselves int o c omplacency, imagining that all wa s w ell and that Mary would soo n r ecover. As quickly as we did, however, her headaches would retur n a nd reality would slap our faces a s b rightly as the frigid December winds.

There was one other curious change i n Mary's behavior. Mary seemed t o b e growing remarkably disturbed b y m y obsession with work and no w t ook it upon herself to interrupt m y e ndeavors at increasingly frequen t i ntervals. Such was the occasion th e e vening that she asked the question.

"Richard. Have you ever wondered w hat the first Christmas gift was?"

Her question broke my engrossment in matters of business an d w eekly returns. I looked up.

"No, I can't say that I've given it m uch thought. Probably gold, frankincense, or myrrh. If in that order, it wa s g old." I sensed that she was unsatisfied with my answer.

"If an appeal to King James will a nswer your question, I'll do so on Sunday," I said, hoping to put the question to rest. She remained unmoved.

"This is not a trivial question," she s aid firmly. "Understanding the firs t g ift of Christmas is important."

"I'm sure it is, Mary, but this is i mportant right now."

"No," she snapped, "you don't know w hat is important right now." Sh e t urned abruptly and walked from th e r oom.

I sat quietly alone, stunned from t he exchange. I put away the ledge r a nd climbed the stairs to our room. As I readied for bed, I posed to Keri th e q uestion Mary had asked.

"The first gift of Christmas?" she a sked sleepily. "Is this a trick question?"

"No, I don't think so. Mary just a sked me and was quite upset that I didn't know the answer."

"I hope she doesn't ask me, then,"

Keri said, rolling over to sleep.

I continued to ponder the question o f the first gift of Christmas until I gradually fell off in slumber. That nigh t t he angel haunted my dreams.

The following morning at the breakfast table, Keri and I discussed th e p revious evening's confrontation.

"I think that the cancer is finally a ffecting her," I said.

"How is that?" Keri asked.

"Her mind. She's starting to lose h er mind."

"She's not losing her mind," she s aid firmly. "She's as sharp as you o r m e."

"Such a strong 'no'," I said defensively.

"I'm with her all day. I ought to know."

"Then why is she acting this way?

Asking weird questions?"

"I think she's trying to share something with you, Rick. I don't kno w w hat it is, but there is something." Ker i w alked over to the counter an d b rought a jar of honey to the table.

"Mary is the warmest, most open individual I've ever met, except . ." Sh e p aused. "Do you ever get the feelin g t hat she is hiding something?"

"Something?"

"Something tragic. Terribly tragic.

Something that shapes you and c hanges your perspective forever."

"I don't know what you're talking a bout," I said.

Suddenly Keri's eyes moistened.

"I'm not so sure that I do either. Bu t t here is something. Have you eve r s een the Bible that she keeps in th e d en?" I shook my head. "The page s a re stained with tears." She turne d a way to gather her thoughts. "I jus t t hink that there is a reason that we'r e h ere. There is something she is trying to tell you, Rick. You're just no t l istening."

Chapter V

Date: 2015-02-03; view: 686