THIS IS THE ONLY LIFE FOR ME

"People are apprehensive when they meet me and they think I'm going to eat them. But underneath it all I'm quite shy and very few people know what I'm really like."

I remember there was a time and place in the early days where of course I wanted to be looked upon, so therefore you dress accordingly. I wore Zandra Rhodes dresses and painted my fingernails black, and I wore eye make up and I hate long hair. I wore women's blouses and then I would walk into a room and close it dead. That's the way to make an entrance, and you can do that. Those things you can do if you're in that position. And now, having gone through a lot, I want my privacy.

I hate mixing with lots of showbiz personalities. I could do a Rod Stewart and join that crowd but I want to stay out of all that. I'm not one of those people who like to go to press receptions because I like to keep myself to myself more than anything. In the early days I used to enjoy being recognised, but not now. When I'm not in Queen I want to be the ordinary man in the street.

There are times when 1 wake up in the morning and I think, "My God, I wish I wasn't Freddie Mercury today!” I'm in the public eye whether I like it or not, but I don't want everything I do to be made public. I'm a virgo, I'm like Greta Garbo, I want to be left alone. I am a bit reclusive but it's not a calculated thing. I like to be alone and shut myself off with my friends, but I'd hate to be one on a desert island. I would loathe that. I do like people around me but I like them in my environment. I've got all my friends that come to me and maybe it's a very selfish thing to do, but it's a wonderful treat for me.

People are the main thing, but I have to be surrounded by something, even if it's just object d'art. So, I collect a lot, and my whole house is filled with beautiful Japanese art and antiques. That's also why I want lots of fish, and lots of cats. I suppose it's a sort of shy outlook.

I can take numerous risks in the music world because that's a world I live in where I have no boundaries. But I won't take risks in terms of my social life. I have to be totally comfortable in a social situation before I step into it and that can make me seem a very boring person. I think I probably socialise more when I'm in different parts of the world because I like to see different things and I find London a bit lacking. I suppose it's because it's home, and when I'm there I like to stay at home. But when I'm touring, I have some of the best times because I get to see new places and I'm not afraid of going to new events. I'm quite nosey. People tell me about things and I like to find out for myself.

I was a very insecure young boy, probably because I was a bit sheltered. My uncle had a villa in Dar-Es-Salem only yards from the sea, and in the morning I'd be woken by the servant. Clutching an orange juice, I'd literally step out on to the beach. In a way I've been very fortunate, even in the early days. I love being pampered, it's just something that's grown with me.

I was also a precocious child and my parents thought boarding school would do me good. So, when I was about seven, I was put in one in India for a while. It was an upheaval of an upbringing, which seems to have worked, I guess.

Of course there were feelings of being sent away from my parents and sister whom I missed very much - feelings of loneliness, feelings of being rejected - but you had to do what you were told, so the sensible thing was to make the most of it. I was put in an environment where 1 had to fend for myself, so I got a good grasp of how to be responsible at an early age, and I think that's what's made me into such a fiend.

One thing boarding schools teaches you, is how to fend for yourself, and I did that from the start. It taught me to be independent and not to rely on anybody else. All the things they say about boarding schools are more or less true, about all the bullying and everything else.

I loathed cricket and long-distance running; I was completely useless at both! But I could sprint, I was good at hockey, and I was just brilliant in the boxing ring... believe it or not.

1 had the odd schoolmaster chasing me, but it didn't shock me because somehow at boarding school you're not confronted by it, you are just slowly •ware of it. There were times when I was young and green. I had a crush on a master, and would have done anything for him. It's a thing schoolboys go through, and I had my share of schoolboy pranks, but I'm not going to eleborate any further.

1 took piano lessons at school and really enjoyed it. That was my mother's doing. She made sure I stuck at it and I did it up to grade four classical, I practical and theory. At first I kept up the lessons because I knew she wanted me to, hut then I really grew to love playing. I basically play by ear and I can't sight read at all. I don't need it. I leave that to the others. It's not like Mozart, II It? We reach more people this way.

I think I always liked to sing but I didn't look upon it as a career. When I was little baby I was in the choir and I just liked to sing. I would copy 1'ceiley songs, then I suddenly realised that I could actually write songs make my own music. Call it a natural gift, or whatever.

Later I went to Ealing Art School, the year after Pete Townshend left. Music music was a sidedeline to everything we did and the school was a breeding ground for musicians. I got my diploma and then I thought I'd chance it as a freelance I did it for a couple of months but then I thought, "My God, I've done enough ' 1'ht interest just wasn't there. And the music thing just grew and grew. Finally I said, "Right, I'm taking the plunge - it's music." I'm one of those people who believes in doing things that interest you. Music is so interesting, my dears.

Am I vain? To a certain extent, yes. I have those ingredients. I like to feel that I look good at all times when I go out. I think it's inner happiness. It has to come from within. For me, happiness is the most important thing, and if I'm happy then it shows in my work. My happiness is defined in many ways. Just buying somebody a gift is wonderful, but at the same time performing to an audience fulfils me. I wouldn't be in this business if I didn't like it.

I think most people like me go through phases, and sometimes I have very bad patches. But I don't have as many problems as I did before, when I was just bogged down by things. I used to attack each problem as it came. It was a big thing with me and I had to cross that hurdle otherwise I couldn't survive, I couldn't do anything else. Now I think I've grown up and learnt how to deal with them. I don't let it worry me because I take my good times when I get them and I live from day to day, I really do.

Certainly I'm a flamboyant person, and I like to live life. I certainly work hard for it, and I want to have a good time. It might not come again, so I want to enjoy myself a little. Now I'm not scared to do what I want to do and I'm not worried if I make a fool of myself. If I fall into a dustbin, which I have done many times, I don't worry about the fact, if I'm having a good time.

Boredom and dullness are the biggest diseases in the whole world, dears. You can never say that life with me is boring. Excess is a part of my nature and I really need danger and excitement. I was often warned to stay away from clubs because they are too dangerous. But I revel in that. I'm never scared of putting myself out on a limb. I was not made for just sitting and watching television. I love to surround myself with strange and interesting people because they make me feel more alive. Extremely straight people bore me stiff. I love freaky people. By nature I'm restless and highly-strung, so 1 wouldn't make a good family man.

I don't do things by halves. I can shift from one extreme to the other quite easily. I don't like anything in between. Grey has never been a favourite colore of mine. I sort of change from day to day like a chameleon. Each day 11 different to me and 1 look forward to that because I don't want be the same person every day.

I can't relax in bed all day and just do nothing. I hardly read books because I think that's a waste of time. I relax in ways most people can't understand, by just sleeping on a plane when I'm flying for 20 minutes. That's all the relaxation I need. I don't need tons of sleep, I can get by with 3 or 4 hours sleep a night. That's enough for me. I recharge my batteries in that short a time and I'm up again.

I have to be doing something every day. I want to earn my keep. I can't sit still for long, and if you know that you need constant entertainment, you make sure you have it. I may just be being greedy, but I'm an entertainer... It's in the blood. I'm a trouper, so give me a stage. But in a way I've created a monster and I'm the one who has to live with it. I'm probably going to go (Had in a few years time. I'm going to be one of those insane musicians.

I'm driven by my work and will go on for as long as my system will allow me. The things that I admire the most are the things that require total dedication, twelve hours of work a day, and sleepless nights. I'm not the only one. I think Phil Collins is a prime example because he's a real workaholic too.

People think I'm a real... it starts with 'C', but I can't say that... and it's not a cherub! I'm very hard to deal with and, to some people, I'm a bitch. I actually enjoy being a bitch. I enjoy being surrounded by bitches. I certainly don’n't go looking for the most perfect people because I'd find that boring. I’m like a mad dog about town and I like to enjoy life. But now I actually pay more attention to making people realise that I am normal. It's such a shit thing when people think, "Oh Freddie Mercury, he won't talk to me!" Hut you see it's a fine dividing line because when people believe that you've got all this money and success, but you're still going to be one of the lads, they tread all over you. Then you have to stop and say, "I'm still a fucking star, you respect me, but 1 can still have a cup of tea and a boogie with you." |It’s just a matter of discipline.

You always have a certain idea of what you are all about, and I think that my character on stage is totally different to my character off stage. There are various aspects of me. Generally I’ll likeable, I think, but I can change and be very moody and obnoxious. I think every character is made up of a load of ingredients, and I'm no different. There are no half measures with me, and that can be precarious because somebody can tread all over me, which has happened a lot of times. But then sometimes I'm a big, macho, sexual object, and I'm very arrogant. Then, nobody can get through to me.

I'm not perfect by any means, but I live in a fair way. I'm sometimes too lenient, that's my problem. I'm a very possessive person, but I want to have my cake and eat it too. Once I find someone's betrayed me, I go the other way, and become an ogre. I'm very hard on the exterior but very soft-centred, like a chocolate - something out of Black Magic.

These images that I've portrayed over the years are a kind of pretence. I wore costumes and put myself in different atmospheres and characters, but underneath that there is a real me. I've been pretending all this time, wearing bananas on my head, wearing glitter and coming on stage on someone's shoulders. I like to ridicule myself and I don't take myself too seriously. I wouldn't wear these clothes if I was serious. The one thing that keeps me going is that I like to laugh at myself. But it is all a pretence. Underneath it, I'm still a musician.

I have all kinds of paranoia. Being alone is one. I can't go anywhere on my own. I always have to have someone with me whenever I'm shopping, probably because I don't like being stared at. I don't care who stares at me, but I don't like people who are a bit rude, who just come up to me, because nobody likes that.

Everyone has their moments, putting on airs and graces. I mean, I never tie my own shoe laces. Never. It's just not the done thing in rock'n'roll. My dears, I'm the vainest creature going. I do work out sometimes, although 1 don't like going to the actual gym. It's a bit embarrassing, especially when there's all these big blokes looking at a weed trying to pick up the odd dumb-bell. Also I don't like the way my teeth protrude. I'm going to have them done, but I just haven't had the time. Apart from that... I'm perfect. Seriously though, I'm quite genuine inside. I don't set myself above others, I hate that kind of shit, I really do. I think my closest friends around me know that they can actually tease me and put me down.

It's a growth process. People grow up, and after all these years you have to be seen to be growing up, so that the people who've grown up with you can't suddenly say, "My God, he's still got long hair, and he's still wearing black fingernails and a lady's blouse!" I mean, it's ridiculous, and I would feel ridiculous. Until recently, dressing casually meant changing from a black satin suit to a blue one. I do like to dress with some style.

I've always wanted to be my own boss and I always felt that I knew best. It sounds very precocious, but I knew what I wanted. And if it all ended tomorrow, I would do it all again on my own terms. I know it's all going come to an end one day, but I won't lose sleep over it every night. That's not the reason I'm in it. I'm in it for the challenge. I don't want it made too eaey for me and nobody hands it to me on a silver platter. I'd hate that. And I'd i efuse it anyway.

I never try to self-analyse myself, I hate that kind of thing and I don't even like having my palm read. I've had people call me and say, "Oh you must go and see this person, it's just so accurate." But that scares me, to be honest. 1 like to find out for myself. It would be so boring if I found out what w» lifting to happen to me because then I'd spend my entire life trying to avoid

I'm one of those people that doesn't look back and dwell over spilt milk. If It'» t mistake then I just think, "It's passed, it's over with." In the game WAV, you can't revel in success because you're only as good as your last record in this business. It works both ways, so if I came up with a real rotten apple, I wouldn't give a damn.

Everybody wants a kind of accolade whether it be in the music field or whatever, and that's the way I am. But 1 would be quite happy to be famous in a completely different way. It'’s success, that matters, and feeling the weight of success behind you, in any given form, whether it be «« en oil tycoon or any sort of executive. I would always strive for that, so I'm not hung up on the fact that it has to be as a musician. It’s a wonderful gift to have. Although…

I don't think I would be a car mechanic, and I'm useless at adding up sums and things like that. As far as science is concerned, I'm rubbish, and I'm not a handyman... oh no. I'm a useless bugger!

I know how to get the best out of me, and I would always find what talent I had and push that forward to try and gain some kind of recognition and success out of it. I'm in much more command of myself these days because I know what I want and what I don't want. I live for tomorrow. Fuck today, it's tomorrow. I'm not going to listen to people telling me how I should react. Nobody tells me what to do.

I don't think of myself as a legend. Me and legends don't get on. I'm just a little sweetheart... I'm a sweetie. To me a legend is somebody like Montserrat Caballe. She's the legend and I'm just an old tart. I don't want to draw parallels to anybody else, because I don't think I have a parallel.

Chapter fourteen

MY MELANCHOLY BLUES

I am so depressed by these people who still won't admit that everything we do limply drips with originality!

Chapter fifteen

Date: 2015-02-03; view: 930