Facts First

Don't think that, because an important person says something important, his name should come first. Let the facts come first in the intro.

Remember to ask yourself: "How does this affect my readers' or listeners' lives?" The answer to that question is the heart of the news story, not the name or title of the person who made the announcement.

You will see in the following example how the full name and titles in the wrong version of the intro makes it overloaded with detail, and hard to understand:

RIGHT: Two overseas companies will negotiate with the Government to develop the important Vanimo timber area. The Forests Minister, Mr Jacob Diwai, said yesterday that various submissions by different companies had been considered by the National Executive Council. It had been decided that two of them would be invited individually to negotiate terms for an agreement to develop the resource, he said.

WRONG: The Minister for Forests, Mr Jacob Diwai, announced that a special meeting of the National Executive Council held yesterday to consider various submissions by different companies for the development of the Vanimo timber area, had decided that two overseas companies would be invited individually to negotiate terms for an agreement to develop the resource.

Always begin your intro with your most newsworthy key point, even though you may include another key point in the intro, in what is called a subordinate clause. You will recognise subordinate clauses as they usually begin with words like "while...", "as...", "although..." and "despite...".

RIGHT: Thieves broke into the Prime Minister's official residence last night, while he was attending a concert.

WRONG: While the Prime Minister was attending a concert last night, thieves broke into his official residence.

Date: 2015-01-29; view: 805

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